Trip of A Lifetime

Little Blessings

2011-11-11T17:45:00.004-07:00

You know how all your life your taught be thankful for what you have some have less. I'm trying to remember that this week. Those of you who read my blog know how holidays are for me. Depressing. So to keep myself from slipping into my moodiness I have been watching Touched By An Angel. I'm looking at my timeline on twitter and seeing so many people going home, spending time with family, and yet around me I have my family. I'm warm, my house is warm and my belly is full. Last month, I was even blessed with a new grandson Archer, yet why do I feel like something is missing in my life. For Eid we didn't kill a lamb, but all my kids but one was home. Isn't that any parents dream to have their children around them at holiday time?

I still watch what is going on in Libya each day and now looking to Syria and I cant even look to the images or videos I just click retweet and send them on. Went today to my friends home. She is from Syria and hasn't seen her home in close to 30 yrs. She was married at 13, to an older man and now 5 kids later she is like me wishing to be somewhere else even though we should be thankful for what we have we feel we missed something. What are we missing? Family....

In September, I was at a friends parents house and I said "Oh I cant wait to go home to Libya". Her mother asked me if I was Libyan. No, I said I was born here. She said, "Then why do you call Libya home?" How do you explain to someone that home is where your heart is. Home is where you plan your life and live out it till your old and grey sitting on a porch swing with a old man sitting next to you as you gaze at your grandchildren playing in the yard.

25 yrs ago, we promised each other we would go there. And all these years later I'm still waiting to go. When I do I leave behind my two oldest daughters and their families to go to my husband's family. Isn't that how it works. You marry and the woman goes from her home to the home of her husband? I'm old now, grey now...the porch swing broke haha long ago. Even before there was grand-kids. Gave up the rockers after the kids grew up so I have to rock the grand-kids sitting in my chair. But that was my dream. Isn't that the dream of all the young women who grew up in my time?

I stopped writing to go to the store we needed instant potatoes. I stood in the aisle and of course the one brand I wanted was on the top shelf. I could only reach two boxes and I wanted 4. A young man passed me. I turned to ask him can you do me a favor. Sure he said and got the two extra boxes down for me. I looked at that young man. Somehow he seemed familiar. I mentioned that to him. No, he said I don't think I know you. As I walked away it hit me about five rows down. I hurried back but he was gone. Teri or should I say Sakina. A young woman who lived with us long ago. Her brother Benjamin. As I came to the checkout I saw the young man again. Hey do you have a sister Teri? Yes, I'm Rachael's mom. Faiszah? Yes. The last time I saw him was around 18 yrs ago. Quick hug, and he said goodbye. The only young person I ever converted to Islam was his sister. She married the young man who paid the hospital bill for our son. One condition we named him Suhayb.

Yesterday, my daughter called asking me if I minded watching the kids while she checked out the school Macleod would attend. No, I don't mind. Well I hate asking you all the time. Honey that is what grandmas are for. And with every time I say that I think how many hugs will I miss out on. How many events in their lives will I miss.. IF I go to Libya.

November 1, my first grandson would have been 14 this year. Life was too short for him. He was born to early. I held him in my arms until he passed away. I prayed for him and said the shahadah and recited Al'Fatihia for him. 20 minutes lasted a lifetime that day. The next baby I saw come into the world was a friend of mines. She also lost her child. A son..born to soon as well she got some uterine infection that killed him. The next child she was born early too. She made it but her mother almost died in my arms. And the last was a friend who was pregnant with twins. Her kidneys were shutting down and she needed to have her babies but for some reason she insisted that she wait for one more day. She made it and they did too. But after all of these things I could not handle another childbirth. So this time around I stayed with my grandson while my daughters Aieysha and Khadijah went on the family tradition of seeing a family member give birth. Hours later I finally had the chance to go to the hospital and take my grandson to see momma and the new brother. Mike's mom was there and we were doing pictures and the girls were trading off taking pics and holding the baby. Finally I got my chance to sit and hold him. His feet kept on turning purple. And once in awhile he seemed to stop breathing. He would get cold to the touch. I handed him to Aieysha and she said momma is this normal. He is blue around the face. NO...hes not breathing. I grabbed him from her and turned him over. Patting his back. Not a sound. Grab me a suction bulb please....I started to suction his mouth. Nothing...he still wasn't breathing. Someone call the nurses he needs oxygen now. A panic in the room and we got him breathing everyone is crying...im shaking not again please God. I order them to keep him in the nursery tonight. They took him out and suctioned his stomach he came out so quickly it didn't expel all the fluid from his lungs and stomach. I spent two weeks there just to make sure. He was jaundiced just like his brother so the first few days he laid on a light bed to keep him from getting sick. He turned two months old on the 4th. He is getting big, looks just like his mother did when she was a baby. He has red hair too. Eyes are chameleon for now. Green or blue I don't care. We have a nickname for him "Mister Wiggly". This is it no more grand-babies for me until the rest are married.

So its days like this I have to remember my little blessings. I have more than many but less than some. It's a few days away from this time last year. The week of Thanksgiving I nearly died twice in four days. Doctor gave me the thumbs up. Stay on my medications, take care of myself and I will be fine. Allah has a plan for me. What I don't know. I can grumble and cry and sometimes get angry at him. But in the end I need to thank him. I still have my little blessings each and every day.

Am I Only Dreaming?

2011-10-20T21:47:00.003-06:00

Last night I went to sleep wondering how much longer the madness in Libya could go on. Two weeks I had spent with my daughter Melissa helping her adjust to a new baby and a toddler. So much has happened since last night.

7:00am the phone rang, Suhayb got it before I could reach it and I heard him saying, "I will tell her", as I grabbed up the phone. My first thoughts was it was my daughter returning my call a bit early or I had overslept. I heard a friend of ours voice telling me, "He's dead. Did you see the news?" What news? I just woke up! Khadaffi is dead. What? HUH?? Ok thanks I will check out my sites. I went to my desk and shook my mouse and rubbed my eyes. I had only been home two days from two weeks with my daughter so I was catching up on sleep. Shortly after my skype started to ring. Its Britpat calling from Belgium. One of my buddies from the Livestream forum whom I still was in contact with. He was telling me I was sleeping and Khadaffi was dead I was missing it. What!! He brought me up to speed and I went upstairs to let my husband know.

Taher grumbled who was on the phone. I told him it was Abdul telling us G was dead. Yeah how many times we gonna hear someone is dead only to find out he isn't. OK go turn on the news to AJE and watch for yourself they are reporting it too. By the time he was ready for work the first bloody images of a very dead G came to the screen. He looked at me and said, "I still have to go to work." OK I said, maybe you will sell a car and it will be a good day.

I called Carolyn to let her know, freaked her out we don't get morning phone calls unless its bad news. No, its ok G is dead. Yes he is, look at the TV they are showing him now. She started to cry. Her husband arrived to work and I could hear her telling him, YES look at the TV.

Next call was to Theresa, Yeah ok you already know cool, we chatted for a bit catching up. No, I don't know how soon we could go how about you?

Skype again. Its UKWatcher my friend in the UK married to a Libyan. Yes, so happy me too. Yes its finally over, no I don't know how soon we will go. How about you? Three weeks hubby will go.

Go eat. I'm starved. Suhayb ended up cooking me breakfast. Eggs, we shared a plate and a cup of apple cider warm me up. Back downstairs. Screens up now catching up. Taher out the door 8:30am.

So now its 10pm and he is still not home yet. He did call a FF reported missing was identified two days ago. He was from Colorado. Didn't recognize the name. Guess what he was the husband of one of our friends daughters. She was just married it seems like last year. They have two kids who now will be without a father. How many more families will he destroy? Im tired now, its been a long day of watching tweets and watching reports on AJE waiting to see who else has died. Seems as if they got his son Mutassim as well. Good one less to worry about. Saif is reported injured caught/fleeing who knows.....Aieysha his daughter tried to call daddy on his cell. Guess what honey he can't answer where he is at. Now do you begin to feel a ounce of what your family did? You lost your brothers, father and husband. No one has a ounce of pity for you.

I have occasionally thought of another young woman who lost her husband. She is out there today I hope with a smile on her face. The man responsible for her husband dying is dead on the street of Sirte and no one cares about him. He crawled into a sewer and was shot like a rat. How will history write this day? 22 yrs ago we should have been headed home with our new son. Life took its time. Taher said we will go when G is dead, ok he is dead. Waiting to see now. When does his Trip of a Lifetime begin? Can you go home? Home will never be what he left. How many other Libyans out there are thinking the same as they lay their heads on a pillow tonight? How many died so we can make this journey? How do you repay that debt? I pray this is the end of fighting and a road to progress begins with Saturday when they declare Libya FREE. Stay tuned..Don't let us wake up from this dream.

Opportunities That Only Come Once In Life

2011-09-28T09:26:00.002-06:00

Sometimes you get a chance to do something that you feel at the time is a once in a lifetime chance. Two days ago hubby called from work and offered me two tickets to go see Obama speak in Denver. Sure I will take them and Khadijah can go as I felt she would get the most out of it. It was a town meeting about Job Reform Act and expected to be indoors so was excited to go. By evening my son said he didn't want to take me that far as it was on the other side of downtown Denver. My drivers licence had expired on my birthday and hadn't gotten around to deciding if I would renew it. But by morning if I wanted to go I would have to take myself or find someone to go with. I called my friend Carolyn and she works close to the meeting place and she said it was ok I was in a grace period and could still drive.

A quick dress and I was out the door headed to the dreaded freeway. I got to the corner and hit a red light, bad omen one. Got two blocks down and all of a sudden red lights flashing and all cars moving to left, 4 car pile up, omen two. Honestly I should have turned around then, but I kept on. Took the off-ramp and saw a bit of slow traffic oh boy why don't I take the next exit and go back home. Again, I shrugged off the ill omens and headed north. Traffic was not to bad but was still white knuckled by the time I arrived to her work. We sat and chatted until time to go. She grabbed her cellphone and put in the address into a mapping program and it said two miles. Driving down we got close to the address that the GPS was saying yet no school was in site. Are you sure its correct? Looked at the address, "NO" its south not north we got half the city to cross and now we are running late. (go home now, go home now). Reprogrammed and hit the gas. Finally, we see a large crowd ahead. Where is parking? Ask a ROTC kid think they are helping with crowds, lots of them around. Turn around go back a few blocks park in Kmart parking. Cool. Noticed crowd on north was smaller so we headed there. Its hot outside, no worries once we get through the scanners we will be in the school gym then we can relax. 1/2 hour later we are at the scanners. Guy says head to the bandstand and get as close as you can. "Bandstand"???? You mean that spot over where the camera crews have set up?? Where are bleachers?? Chairs??? Nope you need to stand here. Ticket says 11 am. Ok, Im in a suit in 90 sun with no clouds no shade. Wish I had listened to my little whispers. Crowd gathering closer now its filling in. How are all those people outside the gate going to fit in the school parking lot?? It's 11:30 when is he speaking? Person next to me says 2 PM. WHAT DID YOU SAY???

Its been an hour they have already had to take 1 person away from the heat. Its so hot. But I chat with the people around me, it could be worse.. rain, snow we could be listening to G speak not Obama. We are here on our own accord, we are not starving waiting for food relief. There was no water or food allowed in, no umbrellas too. No room to even sit down now. Its Noon. Another person has to be carted away. An old couple is next to me, a older woman and a younger couple he's a vet, served in Dubai. Lots of teens around. One is pushing the vet. He tells him to backup a bit. Kid started to bad mouth. Kid is come on...great im in a high crime area and I got two people ready to fight in a parking lot and snipers on the roof easy shot..its a peaceful gathering...(why didn't I stay home)..vet is good tells the kid come on you got no chance. Kid backs off and moves away. A few other kids are smooching the older couple chuckles and says get a room please. They stop :). Its 1pm. two more people are down. The elderly woman is getting too hot. Here sit on my jacket kids move a bit let her rest. We crowd around her to block the sun someone gets some water for her. They give us small glasses of water the line is 50 people deep. The wife is not feeling good now..husband is worried its ok we got it..a kid hands us a note book so we can fan her and we block the sun with my jacket again. People keep pushing past us..come on we got old people here you are going to step on..they don't seem to care. We keep reminding ourselves it could be worse. God keeps blowing small kisses of cool air though the crowd. Im fine and Carolyn has moved up toward the front..nope I will stay here its more spaced.. 2PM..finally we stand straight for the flag. American the Beautiful is sung, she did well. The time is up...people on the stage pointing one more down...asking for water...yeah where is water they should be passing water through the crowds. We discuss how eloquent a speaker Obama is, will he get a second term to undo the damage, will his bill pass, at least we are not listening to G. Music is playing songs filter over the crowd... Helo flies overhead..He is here...WOW its him. Obama...He starts to speak most I cannot hear even though he has microphones. Its like sardines now and some kid over 6 ft just got in front of me...I look around kids smaller than me, the old couple, the lady in red (we called her)..her name is Betty. We introduced ourselves. Such nice people to be near. The kids look on to our odd little group.

I can see the back of Carolyn's head on an off. 1/2 its over..The older couple had to leave she was getting too hot they missed most of it unless she got moved back a bit and got some water. Too many people all coming my way. I moved back to the cameras..Carolyn is here. amazingly neither of us is hot or woozy from the heat..

I moved, OMG my feet are killing me.. I find a clearing and take off my shoes..i feel better. We start heading to the car. Officers are taking pictures with people..Men in uniform. Someone asked if i'm ok,,yes im fine..my feet hurt. Cross the street and walk two blocks in stocking feet, it feels so good but im so stiff. Lets get to the car go eat. Roadblocks lets go north miss all the traffic we can find our way stick on the main roads. Industrial area lots of dead ends. Follow the buses. Hey we are close to Carolyn's parents home can I drop her. Stay to chat, a bit of cake and a drink. I can't wait to get out of these clothes. Its getting late suddenly..Lets go to late to shop now. Traffic is smooth sailing and I arrived at home. I am hungry, I can smell food. Thank God the kids are cooking..I walk in "MOMMA what happened to your face?? Walk to the bathroom. Lift my scarf. Sunburned.. shower feels good. Lotion on my face..go to sit..kids bring me dinner and I eat. Im tired want to sleep. Phone rings...better not be Melissa calling that she is in labor..she is due soon. No they are inducing me on grandma's birthday can I call her tomorrow so she will know. Sure hey I saw Obama today all I got was a sunburn. :P http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0911/64572.html here is what he said. Remind me next time someone offers me a once in a lifetime chance to do something I find out more ahead of time. My face is sore today...

Mile Markers in a Persons Life

2011-08-27T11:57:00.002-06:00

I probably should have waited, but if I don't write some of this down now one day I will wish I had or my kids will wish momma did. So with a few links off the internet I will try to provide a bit for my future grand-kids to know "where grandma was during the war to liberate Libya'.

By any measure it is the will of Allah that kept us at least me and the kids from not being in Libya when this all happened. So like many expat families we watched from abroad the images on tv and online of glimpses into Libya. I found just by accident the web site called livestream http://www.livestream.com/libya17feb and it took a few days before I learned how to bookmark it as I had just moved over to another browser. I signed in under my old moniker and watched as a young man broadcast his reports from Benghazi the large eastern city in Libya. I have friends from there but I had no idea what it was like. Over the days I watched and occasionally I would post a comment or two chatting with the various people there. This link is one of my earliest posts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5G5ZL91QTs at about 2 minutes I chimed in I was still a wall flower at the time. Each day I sat for hours on end watching trying to find out what was happening so I could later in the day tell my husband what had transpired. Grandpa worked so he was unable to watch tv and I think he was apathetic at times as uprisings had happened before and were soon quelled so I don't think he thought much of it in those days.

Bit by bit I was becoming involved with what was happening in the room and looks at clips that show the chatroom discussions will show that I posted more and more over time and even learned how to use skype and twitter to get the word out that Libya was in need of help. I had no contacts with anyone, I was no one important an old woman sitting in her basement all day long watching screens and feeling many days helpless while across the world a young man begged for help.

By mid March I was behind the scenes helping where I could mostly I feel as moral support to a group of people from all over the world trying to help this young man get his word out. On one particular night we stayed up til all hours trying to work out how to get a tv truck from one country to Libya and how to get it there safely. He wanted a mobile truck with sat so he could broadcast as he traveled around the city a citizen journalist at his best. I was awestruck of this young man. He was well to do and often times when asked how to pay for this or that he said. "I will pay for it". That was a profound quality to me. Stories will i'm sure be written later on about what transpired behind the scenes there in Benghazi but I for one know some parts but better now to keep them as they do no good. In the end what was a group of men turned into one man moving and hiding and trying his best to get the word out sometimes with no more than a handi-cam and a cell phone and his laptop system. He had been trying to negotiate with Nilesat to broadcast his signal and had paid their price and yet the moment he was to be launched his signal was cut dead by sabotage. In the background many of us cried those of us who worked behind the scenes. Years from now I wonder at all the user names we had who will come forward and say it was I that was so and so, but I guess I prefer to follow in one of my ancestors footsteps and not say. My kids know the name and maybe a year or so from now it will be ok to write it down. See in genealogy work you either have people who keep excellent records or people you wish had just wrote it down when it happened as now they forgot half of it and their minds are brittle now and the kids well they didn't pay much attention back then. To my grand-kids your parents fall in that category hehe..so if not for grandma writing this down now you would be out of luck. And lets just say there are some-days grandma worries that she will not always be around or that her mind is going brittle too. I have hundreds of pages book marked and I hope to bit by bit go through and put them into some type of order so that first your parents got and education out of them and secondly, you know what happened while it was fresh in our minds unclouded by future events and historians.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiWgDuG6_Is This day for now is imprinted in my head and will stay there for quite a while but already it has lost its hurt and is becoming only a memory. So, I guess I better write while I can my point of view of the events of that day. The night before I stayed up actually till the dawn of that morning that is portrayed in the video. Benghazi had rose up on the 17th of Feb and by March was doing pretty good but was still under occasional attacks. We has lost out on getting the sat system up and he was determined to have a sat truck so he could broadcast his stories around Benghazi. Mohammed was in hiding with his wife we called her Perditta. I once was told her name but as things go I knew it was better not to know it so it was forgotten. Anyways, we had tried all night as Mohammed had reported bombs being dropped in the city and we were his team from around the world frantically calling in every news person, dignitary or person of any form of power to ask NATO or someone to help them they were hours away from being massacred. Many of us spoke to him on skype trying to get what he wanted us to do to help, while all along feeling helpless to do nothing. I remember getting a message from one person saying, "they don't believe us". I went and laid down crying myself to sleep. It was not even 4 hours later I was awoken and now as I felt then, God had a reason for me to wake up so I came over to the computer and rubbed my eyes and looking at the screen of chatters in front of me. I was running three main screens, twitter, skype and the livestream across my laptop at all times. I never shut down hoping that skype the one way our family could reach us was always open in hopes that they could contact us. So I sat refreshing my screens and trying to see what reason I had been awoken. They were saying Mohammed had gone out to film a home that had been hit in Benghazi, two children sleeping in their beds had been killed...one of many that day to die. Apparently Mohammed could not wait and anyone who worked with him can testify to that. And asked someone to take him out so he could film. Some time during that drive he was hit by a bullet and killed. I had barely cleared my eyes and Perditta came on behind the scenes. I was getting a skype message that Mohammed had been hit and was taken to a hospital and Perditta was on her way to see him. Behind the scenes there was panic and confusion. Not Mohammed.... I don't even think it was 1/2 hour later and Perditta came back in and we were being told she was coming on the air and to be ready. The link posted above tells it all. Mohammed had been killed. We were all devastated. From that day I guess that was when things started falling apart. Perditta asked a few people to take over for her until she could come back online. We knew she was pregnant and now she had lost her husband and she needed time to grieve. Some will say many things and time glosses over truths and half truths and there will be heated debates i'm sure but I have no part in them. That day Perditta called me by my screen name and made me a moderator and then she left it in our hands. In many ways the room fell apart. We recorded over 5000 viewers that day. And in the coming months we were lucky to have 70 average viewers. Again there will be stories of why and how but this was a new medium for news and with all the grief and hostilities and opinions we did what we felt was best. We were subjected to hacked links and hacked accounts and attacks in all forms so we had to be careful. I am sure many innocents got pushed out along the way. There were verbal attacks and issues common to any group of people placed under a severe duress will face but in the end I went my own way. It had no longer been a place of news or even comfort for me it was a grueling day of stopping arguments and hostile discussion and Tripoli 6 months later still was not free. Just a few months prior to all this I had nearly died twice in 4 days and so my health was always an issue. For my health I backed away. A week later Tripoli was freed and I was able to call to Libya and talk to uncle Salem and then later to Maryam the wife of my nephew to see that the family at least them that I spoke to were well. Auntie Aieysha was not doing well she had not been able to get her cancer medications and they were worried for her. I spent my days now watching the twitter screen, various media outlets and skyping to a few people. I cut all my ties but two to the people I was part of. In reviewing my old skype messages I found my last words to Mohammed it was the tally of the UN decision vote all yeah with two abstain Russia and China. The next day after Mohammed died Nato sent in planes.

Before I stop this mile marker I leave one last video. I can go back in my skype messages and see I was talking to her mom a few hours before. I suggested a few ideas for induction of labor. Not really knowing that she was already in early labor but being a few days overdue you know how moms are at that time. She logged off. The next day we all were told not by her but by a person to excited to wait. Then the small media blitz heralded Mayar Mohamed Nabbous. The only child of the first Libyan Citizen Journalist who had died trying to help free Libya. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKQ0vsvszfM I don't expect to ever see her but to know that I had a small part of her life as a mile marker in mine I will be grateful to know that she grows up free. So like my ancestor Ephraim Bowen who carried the gun that another man grab and shot with. We are footnotes in History. He went to his deathbed hiding his secrets due to persecution by the British they never told and he being the last told on his death bed. I have seen now that death is not for the old. It is for the young, the innocent, the unborn and the old. When your time is up it is. So these shall be my records for my future kids.

Technical Issues

2011-08-25T22:42:00.003-06:00

You know what is like to find a old friend then not be able to find them again? Well, my life has been full of that lately haha....I was so excited to finally be able to say what had been going on in my life the past 6 months and I was so happy that in the mix-ups of the past 6 months that I had not forgotten my passwords to access this account so I could continue blogging. I had made my post and went the next day to add more and for some reason it would not let me back into my account. I had lost both my email accounts and due to my "activities" I was continuing to have to change my passwords to protect those I love. Now that things had settled down I wanted to try and put into words my past 6 months and then found that I was unable to get back in. These pages are all that are left of my trip there and today a warning that they no longer existed just about tossed me over the deep end.

Ramadan will soon be over and yes, it has been the usual feelings of not quite what I wished for but in a way it is more than I could ever wish for. Libya in many ways is finally free. I have been able to contact a few more family members and although connections are not yet great was able to talk to them a few moments. Their posts on Facebook have returned and for some stranger years from now they would see no change in our lives.

But, life has changed...hopefully for the best and for the future of many generations to come. My family has been pretty much quiet here as we waited for news from back home. In all reality we are fortunate that circumstances were what they were and myself and my kids were not stuck there while my husband would have been alone in the states. I spoke to family in January and they said one of the nieces was marrying in May. I wanted to come and spend some time and get the older kids scholarships so they could study. I knew it might take a few months and it was a good opportunity to see the family again. I dug out the passports and looked at them and found them to be expired and so it was discussed how to get them reordered in time for May. Then a few short weeks later Egypt broke out in protest followed by Libya. I found the livestream that I mentioned in my last message and followed news and reports up to 18 hours a day hoping for bits and pieces that would allow me to know what might be happening there. Months went by and I was getting weary....I think that the civil war must have been hell for my dear ancestors....we have all types of media now and although we could not make much contact with people there, we knew what was going on and the world was watching.

FREEDOM.....that word still has not sunk in for many as some areas still are under siege and prone to attacks by pro G forces. Today I cried as I listened to the Transitional National Council say that they had moved to Tripoli and that G's reign of terror was over and a new day was dawning in Libya. A new life...

There is someone there who we all hope is well and soon I hope she will post as we all have missed her stories im sure more than anyone has missed mine. Khadija I pray that you are safe as well. And all the other sisters whom I was pleasured to meet when I last was there. How has their lives been like? American or other foreign women married to Libyan men with children of Libyan birth. How many took their families and got out or like a few stayed behind. I can only imagine their families worrying over them as I have done over mine there.

I wanted to help them...I also wanted to be a provider which once Libya was free help to bring in all that we needed, what was denied to them that was a rightful destiny of any person. Education, Medical and Self Awareness

I could write for hours the pros and cons of a free society....I have already seen what some of the youth want...alcohol and drugs I mean come on its a new world and they feel its their right to have it how they want it...but, this is how I see it. Thousands if not millions of lives have been forever changed and we through the media and internet have seen and read and heard the stories. How do you bring such things into lives already damaged? So that instead of rebuilding lives they are farther torn apart by vices. Also the idea of sudden wealth...Libya has vast riches that should have been theirs all along but was squandered by a few. At a tune of 6 million people they are a small population really and with the money that was frozen and the natural wealth of the country they could be riches beyond their wildest dreams...to me that is just as scary.

I want to go there, I promised I would and even though things were not the best before, to go again has always been my goal.

Like before when I started this blog, I have to consider a few things....7 kids and now 4 grand-kids. They are not babies anymore and some are over the age of 18 so legally I cannot force them to do anything. I don't want to imagine that. If we go do we stay and travel here for visits and use internet to chat back and fourth between vacations? Or do we go there for a visit see that its not what my husband ever imagined and come back here to live out our lives while visiting there when we can. I can't say. My husband and myself are not young anymore. Life here has been a struggle the past years and we seem never to get ahead although we are in many ways better off than we had been. If my husband were to not be able to work what would I do? My health issues have left me with few choices. So as I work out these "technical issues" I guess now that I got back in and can post I will try and keep a running diary here of my thoughts. One day I guess my kids will look at this and see how hard it was to make these choices. Stay tuned for further updates as they become available hehe...

Libya is Free

2011-08-21T21:43:00.002-06:00

As I typed these words i had to pause for a moment. It seemed odd to even type it and know that it is really happening. Im full of thoughts and emotions and sometimes that is the best time to write down what you are feeling so forgive me from now if i ramble on. I'm sitting at my computer, the place I spend most of my time for those who know me.

For the last 6 months I have spent hours on end with multiple screens open with lots of tabs watching links and tweets and chatrooms and videos and news reports on Libya. In February, the fall of Egypt caught my attention and then days later the rise of conflicts in Libya. I made my way around the internet world and found a chat room. If I dont write it now years from now no one will believe me so I post it now so if someone who was there now they can vouch later on but really its only me and my family who will care in the end. The livestream page of Mohammed Nabbous Libya AlHurraTV. 6 month later i'm looking at what has happened with a bit of sadness and mix of feelings. Only a few people know who I am and even fewer know what part I played in that mans short life. I'm not a friend by any standard but I can say I knew him briefly. One day I can show my greatgrandkids and grandchildren look here see that name on the screen that was me. "Yeah grandma right!" It will be up to my children to say yes that was your grandmother. History is being made now as I type this funny the guy on AJE just said that. What lies ahead for Libya? Today I am full of hopes for it while I listen to analyst tear apart our victory and debate over the rebels who fought it and the NTC who shall lead us into the future of my children's lives.

For the past 25 years, I promised my husband that one day we will go home, he will go home. 35 yrs I honestly don't think he thought that it would ever happen and now it has and his behavior is odd to me. No glee, no happiness, no emotions in fact he is sitting watching tv like nothing has changed in our lives. After nearly three years of not speaking, today we took the risk and called his oldest brother. We had news from the morning that Tajura his hometown was freed and by end of month at latest we hope that Tripoli would be free. It happened in a day. Im looking as I type this to the split screen of faces smiling and laughing with glee of people in Martyr square. 8 km away his family is sleeping or now rising to pray and eat before sunrise. I asked him do you want to call your father and mother? No, he said I don't want to listen to them now.

25 yrs and in the last 6 months i have found out things that most wives would have known long ago. But what all is between him and his father I guess I may never know. Maybe he hoped dad would be passed by now age and health taking him as many have. The war left me wondering daily if family any of them would be alive when this was over. I wanted many times to come and post a note here to share a bit of this before it was lost to memories, but worry that I was linked to a more popular blogger and they could be watching us, and what I might say could harm them there, so I waited. Years from now kids can surf the net and see all that we saw, old news by then long ago memories. For me there are some that will burn in my mind for years. This war can it be the last one? No as I type this Syria and Yemen and Bahrain and many more are waiting for their freedoms too. It now is called the "Arab Spring" some feared would turn to winter. The media of the Internet has forever changed how the world views wars. Video and cell phones made instant the news that in my parents generations it took waiting for some media station doctoring of videos to black out the ugly truths the blood, the gore, sanitize it for the viewers. This in itself has forever changed us. Our kids play video games where they kill and are killed in mocks of battles against demons and long ago warriors. Many freedom fighters as we prefer to call them, said that they learned how to fight playing these games...

What lies ahead? What will we do? Will we go back soon as possible or will we just send money and visit during summers? For now i'm putting these feelings here so one day like with my other posts I can look back and think what was I doing saying that?

The reporter just asked the man what are you thinking? He said for 42 yrs now all I am thinking is now we are free...FREEDOM...how many times over the last 6 months have I heard what people will do when Libya is free. How many voices and people I have met over this time, people I have viewed on video or pictures made it to this day? I personally know one who didn't. I sat in that chat room watching the screen as his wife came on and told us he had died. I cried like everyone else. That same day I became a moderator for that chat room courtesy of her. For many reasons I wont discuss as like everything over else time it will not matter later on. But i left the room a few weeks back and left myself with two people watching twitter and images and sharing with a two people over skype. Funny how long from now all these terms will be old? My greatgrandkids will be far beyond this technology by the time many of them will read this blog. To them this will be grandma's online diary. Wish I had kept a better one some days. For now i'm tired. 6 months have worn me out mentally and physically. I think tonight I will sleep like I have not done in all this time. No dreams, no tossing thinking and dreaming of chat talk. No more video images to haunt me in my slumber. How will all this go into the history books my future generations will read? I at least am a footnote in this part of my life. Even if I was to link the video as proof who knows how many years it will stay here. It will be archived somewhere as he is a martyr, Libyans will not forget him soon and just like Omar Muktar; whom I also share a link to (he died on my birthday but not the year). But his words "We win or we die" held so many of these young lives. I will try to come back here soon I almost forgot my passwords and id to access this account. Tomorrow my life goes back to normal a few more days and Libya will all be free. Unless something bad happens in the next few days, weeks, or months we made history. This little note is just my mental reminder to tell the grandkids the story of what grandma once did.

You Can't Go Home Again

2010-05-29T20:36:00.003-06:00

Sorry, but this is the first time I have had an opportunity to sit down and type anything. We arrived in Orlando on May 10th and it has now been about three weeks since we arrived. Much like being overseas we are limited on Internet access. We have to go to a public library or to either my sister or my aunts home to get Internet otherwise and the girls are pretty hard up for access. We arrived and went to my sisters home where my mother was waiting for us to arrive since with kids and baggage there was no room for her to meet us at the airport. My sister has a nice place with a covered pool and the girls eyed it greedily. Later we proceeded to my mothers apartment and we saw that she had a one bedroom apartment with a small kitchen and living room. That night we blew up some air mattresses and the girls settled in for their first night.

My first goal was to see my grandmother. She had made it to almost 90 years and I was so fearful that another day would pass and it would be too late. So the next morning we took a drive to Sanford to the nursing home where she is living. I saw her the moment I was through the door. It was a hard shock having only seen a picture of her in the last 35 years and she had lost even more weight from the photo. But it was my grandmother. I can in my heart say she knew who I was but in reality she probably had no idea anymore than some stranger who walked in off the street. She was sitting in a common room and lying in a wheelchair lounger. I guess she was in quite a bit of pain and she was uncomfortable sitting. Needless to say we didn't stay for very long its hard to see someone you love in pain. We shot a few photos and then mom took us on a drive to Geneva where I grew up. I could picture some of the places but so much has changed in over 40 years since I had been up that old road. The weeds and trees now cover everything and you could not see more than a foot past the edge of the road. This was once the front of the house. We drove by the cemetery and I took a few photos of the headstones and we drove through the town and momma showed me a few historic places in town. A few days later we went to my Aunt Ruby's house and saw her and her husband Larry. I have memories of Ruby but none of Larry so it was like meeting someone for the first time. A few days later I got to see my aunt Mary and her sweetie John. They have six acres of land in Sanford and it has a small pond on it and boy I could stay here forever.

Most of the trip so far has gone pretty good but its hard being around people you haven't seen in so many years. There are times when things are strained with my mother and I had no memory of this but I guess my brother in law didn't care for me as I guess the first time I was too have met him was when I was picking up my two oldest girls at my mothers house over 20 years ago and I guess I ran in and out without a single word to him. I did apologize but who knows. You can't undo past. I have spent two weekends at my aunts house and one of them was when my aunt Anita came down from Georgia to see grandma. I got to meet her four children and a few of the kids of my uncle Mike and Mary's son Charlie. We had a nice get together but I will have to load photos later on that one. I'm on another user on the computer and I can't access all my photos.

Other than that, Fatimah had two assignments to finish while we were here and we have been photographing bugs and birds and all kinds of plants while we are here. We will have a few days of looking things up online to see and learn more about them. Well, here it is late and I will try to get a few more bits down before the trip is over and I forget half of what I did.

Another Trip to Make

2010-03-30T11:36:00.005-06:00

When the Hubby and I married I promised I would go with him anywhere as long as before I left the country for good I would be able to go back to my childhood home and see my family one last time. Don't fear! I'm not leaving the country...at least not this time. Another trip is now in the plans and it is one that has been 37 years in the waiting. I'm going back home. I was born in Sanford, Florida and lived in a smaller town Geneva until I was seven when momma remarried. We left and returned for one year in 1972-1973. Since then, I have not been back home. After dad passed away momma moved back there to be close to her family. My sister Faye also lives there with her husband Mike.

I have been itching to go somewhere again and with this years taxes I asked him a favor. I want to go home. I had my grandchildren with me last summer and my mother and sister visited also during their stay. The day after their arrival I had a stroke and it scared me. Life is just to damn short. I need to see my family again. I need to see my roots and share it with my children. working on genealogy my kids hear some of the details of where I grew up but know little of my life. So me and the girls are making a trip. Tickets are bought and we will be leaving from May 9th to June 21st. While I am there I will be seeing my grandmother who will turn 90. I pray she holds on long enough for me to see her.

My camera is shot so I need to get another one before I go but I hope to do a few things while I am there. Go to the cemetery and photograph the headstones. Look up some records and talk to as many family members as I can. I have lost so many years and my own aunts and uncles I don't even know anymore. They have children I have never seen or they were babies when I last saw them and they are now parents themselves. I want to show the kids what is left of the home I grew up in, the school and places I lived at. Hopefully I will get a good chance to post all my adventures. I pray it is more than what I hoped when I visited my husbands family. I still love them and hope to travel there again but who knows when that will be. I made a video from some old images that I dedicated to my grandparents and I have added a link here. I am trying to get others interested in what I am doing. I guess I had already added this but there is another I will add too. Cant figure out how to remove the other one so here it is again.

What's Happening

2010-02-03T10:52:00.004-07:00

Well it's hard to believe we are in a new year. In some ways not much has happened but as always the children are growing and I am getting older. I have continued my genealogy work and begun a new venture, making home videos. I have two now one a tribute to my grandparents and one for my son Suhayb. I have added one here for you to enjoy. Hopefully it doesn't get edited for some reason.

Looking Into the Past

2009-10-28T11:43:00.003-06:00

Ok, so anyone who knows me or has read my blog over the past few years knows I don't have much else to do besides kids and Genealogy. I finally got around to testing my mtDNA and for those of you who are not savvy it is the line of females from which women trace their ancestors. It is a gene passed from female to her children but only continued through females. Since starting my research I knew back five to six generations based on family records. Proving is harder than old folks memories. I traced back to a wife of Eldred Swain of Emanuel County, Georgia in the 1700's. Her name was Delana, and that was all that was written. Records prior to 1850 only contained the names of the head of household and then marks represented the age groups of male and females living in the household and if they were free persons or a slave. So trying to prove someone prior to 1850 is pretty difficult unless you find other documents such as wills that give names of otherwise digits on a page. And since a census was every 10 years looking for people is difficult and if you are a female even harder once you passed 12. I have looked on various sites for the past four years and finally found a man working on a branch of the line of Eldred Swain where he mentioned that she was possibly a Johnson. Then you get a last name but if there are many living in the area what then?
This was the same with another female ancestor. With her we knew her last name but finding her parents was another feat. I finally found a possible that until proven wrong I am sticking with. We have one family of Johnson living in the county close in proximity to the family of her known husband. The census in which she would be a child is of course the digits no names but their is a child with the age category living in the home. By the next census she is married so how can I prove her? I have looked for marriage records but if there ever was one I cannot find it. One person denied me so far saying that she married to early, and the parents had their first child three years after they were married. Ok, so a couple marries and doesn't have a kid for three years? They didn't have birth control as is evident by my large family lines (hehe they didn't have much else to do). So my assumption stays. But you think working with every ten years is hard but how about when someone is from another country? Some countries do have records but third world is usually a oral history. Like my hubby I was finally able to prove to him the other day he is five years older than he thinks he is. His mother said that he was born the year the locusts swarmed in Libya. I looked it up after watching a show on History Channel on Biblical Disasters, he was born in 1955. But after 22 years of marriage, who cares about five years. But when I ask him about his ancestry, he can name his grandfathers for five generations but ask for a female name or dates of birth and he is lost. How do I share my children's heritage with them if we cannot remember names?
My mtDNA showed that my female line in a few short skips go from Georgia to Europe and Germany and then to the people of Yemen or North Africa a J1 Haplotype is what it is referred to. So I guess a few thousand years ago I was from the same place as my hubby was born. Just goes to show we are all one big family. I like the people who say oh I can trace to Adam, where did you find that census record, when I can't even find my greatx4grandparents? Another issue is the variations of a surname spelling. I may have brought this up on occasion but some of the spellings just make you wonder how we have the documents we do have. Such as today, I was looking up Boyett. Here's a few Boyette, Boyet, and try Benjamin and you get Ben, Benj, Benji, B and "Doc" or some other nickname that someone was called. For the longest time I thought that LNU was a spelling for some female name and finally found out it stood for "Last name unknown". Jno is John and James can be Jimmie, Jim or Jimmy. I hope the census takers of 2010 will do a better job. And don't get me on handwriting or just initials for a whole family either!

New Opportunities

2009-09-04T06:34:00.002-06:00

I guess I have a fan out there besides my brother, and they wanted to know how my other children were doing. I would have probably gotten around to them in the next few letters but until then here's what's happening.

Suhayb now 19, finally graduated from high school and is now attending a local community college. He wasn't too sure what he wanted to study and so I suggested he take his required like Math and English to begin. I explained to him that college is different. Teachers there can be much harder and more is expected as an adult. He was able to get two classes only due to late enrollment. He got English and Sociology. I told him I felt I was never good with English but deviant behaviors of humans was right up my alley. I went to college for 3 yrs and never finished. I tried to go back once and the beginning of the semester lost a child and I gave up on school.

He has only been going a week but he bumped into some old friends and seems to be doing ok. He is the only one who has to wake up early for school. The others being home schooled can sleep in and do work later in the day.

Hard to believe that my first son is going on 20 in October. I often tease my friends, on how handsome our sons have become and how beautiful each of our daughters have became as well. Suhayb was still wanting to be a Hockey Goalie but life just hasn't dealt us good hands with that so far. I do want him to reach out for a dream, as I and his father seem to have never reached our own. He had to write an essay for English the other day and he handed me a story about him and his dream to be a goalie for a pro team one day. I felt like crying, his dream is so strong and his desire is so great and yet seems like it is always just out of his reach. I sat there and wished that some Hockey coach sitting out there somewhere could see this essay and say, "Let me offer this kid a chance to have his dream." But, I don't know any Hockey coaches. As for other things he wants in life a car is always a matter of discussion. He is so tall that both of our cars he has to duck to get in and contort his legs to fit under the steering wheel. But we owe so much on the Taurus and now with the economy its worth less than what we owe so we just can't trade it in. As for the other car, Taher's old beat up Subaru Legacy it is so in need of being taken out back and shot its sad. The car has a great engine and we never have any problems with it but a few years back it got caught up in three separate accidents and its frame is bent and its paint is peeling from sitting under trees that leak sap at his work that its a sorry sight. So for now another car is out of question.

Suhayl, finally hit 17 this year. He got a nasty deal after last school year and like his brother will not graduate on time. He was supposed to be a senior this year and when I brought him to home study they reviewed his grades and he got 10th grade! They don't accept high school scores less than a C and so he has to redo so many of his classes that public school let him pass with F's. He can work quickly to do the courses and hopefully he can finish by next school years end. Suhayl is still one of my most loving children. Each time I see him, he is passing out hugs to me and his sisters. He makes up for me where his father's old styles lack. I need hugs. People need hugs in their lives and for some reason my hubby is not a hugger. So anytime I need one I know who I can go to. He has grown into a handsome young man like his brother and yet he is a reminder of how his father once looked. So often was it remarked how he looked just like his father when we went to Libya. He and Khadijah are the only two who look like their father's side of the family. Suhayl wants to be a computer programmer or a gaming designer. He has the head for it and is often called to fix someones computer on the block. I would love for him to apprentice under someone that fixes computers but things aren't like the old days when you could put a child under an adult and have them learn a trade. So every time I go to the library I find him books that he can read and learn. When he finishes high school I want him to go to a technical school and learn the trade. He's got the talent, and like his brother he has his dreams.

Khadijah I know I mentioned but let me bring her up as well. She is now 14 and becoming such a beautiful girl. This one will be some guys eye turner one day. She has it all looks, perfect frame and brains. She is very smart but she loves anime and has become a very good artist. Its funny how she can see a animation character and draw it almost as if she copied it but tell her to draw something else and you would think Fatimah drew it. I was a good artists in high school and yet mine was landscapes. I could draw somethings so real and others looked like kindergarten work. So I guess I know where she gets it from. I also happened across her ability to write. I was needing to shut down her computer and she had a paper for English up and I printed it out. I wasn't being nosey but the paper had some photos and I began to read. Her tone and style made me feel like a 9th grader again. How it feels to walk down the hall as a new kid and wondering if you will have a old friend in class with you so you don't feel so alone. She hit it on the head. If I can I will post a photo of some of her work if I can get her to find some of her best stuff. I will ask for some writing too.

Lets see, that leaves Aieysha and Fatimah. Since most of my last post dealt with Fatimah I will touch on Aieysha. Aieysha did not want to take the online school option she didn't want the pressure of meeting some teachers needs so I use the work Fatimah does and make her do the work. She struggles with spelling words and I feel for her some days. Aieysha also had a weight problem and now the doctor thinks that it is something she is not going to grow out of. So in the next few weeks she will go to the teen weight clinic and see what we can do. She wants to be a pet vet and yet I try to tell her in the softest manner possible that if you have trouble with 4th grade words this is so much harder. I told her maybe after she is 17, she could apprentice at a local pet shop but the few I talked too didn't seem kind to her. This child has so much love to share and yet people can't see past her. She would have to work with someone who works with kids with special needs or a really understanding person. In the meantime she asked a neighbor to walk her dog for her. In the beginning the neighbor was hesitant but I talked to her and told her that it is a big favor for my daughter as it helps her exercise and it makes her feel good to help others in someway. The dog gives her quite a workout as he is so happy and excited to be out of his yard and pulls her around the neighborhood. I told her when she was older and living on her own maybe she could work at a training school for animals or a shelter giving animals extra love. She has so much to give if she is just given a chance.

Last night, I was sitting with Khadijah and talking about Adam and Eve. She said, "Do we all come from them?" Well that is what our holy books teach us, I explained, and yet how do we not all look like each other was her answer. I told her of a article I had read on National Geographic channel I had read the other day. Scientists believe that we all originated from Africa. Here is where Adam and Eve would have landed after leaving the Garden of Eden. So that can explain the earliest of bones coming from that region. But these people were not white like all the pictures found in so many places around the world. Africa was a warm place and like great grandmother explained, "People in warm places had to be dark so they would not get sunburns and so that is why people are different colors." So how is it that all our churches have paintings of white people? Anyway, the article said that we came from one couple and that each generation there was a genetic chance that a mutation could occur. And that if a generation failed to reproduce certain genetic factors were lost and others became stronger. I told her, "look at your siblings, each of you have some trait of your parents yet none of you are identical to each other." Only her and Suhayl look like their fathers side. Everyone else except Melissa looks more like me while Melissa looks like her father. I told her each of them had bits and pieces of their ancestors that are carried on and with each generation some are lost and some stay until a later generation. That is why I like to look at old photos of my ancestors and see if I see something in them that has been passed on. Like your ears, I told Khadijah are from your great grandfather on my side. Grandpa had big ears and when she was born I knew just where they had came from. One thing I could never figure out though was if Adam and Eve were the first and their son killed his brother and then fled, who where the people he found? I figure there is an answer out there. Maybe Adam and Eve were the first of many? Also if Adam and Eve looked like us and they were the first, then why don't the oldest bones on earth looking just like us too? I feel they didn't look like us because we evolved as humans. God, put us here to nurture and grow and change. Like our animal companions we changed to fit the world we were given. Some days I don't think we evolved very well. Suhayb ask me the other day if I believed that the world was going to change or end in 12/24/2012. The Mayans and Aztecs think we will. I don't know I told him. I don't think God is done with us yet but with all that happens in this world. I feel some days that our end is closer than we want it to be. I told him remember when Fatimah was born, 09/09/99. All those fears of nuclear explosions due to computers reading 9999. Well we woke up the next day didn't we? Well lets go to sleep on 12/23/2012 and hope that if God sees fit we will wake to find the morning. Regardless of what man does to the day. There are days when he is so much like me...

Betty Davis Eyes

2009-09-03T07:23:00.003-06:00

Maybe with some effort I could renew this old page. I pretty much stopped writing because I seemed to always be down on life. But regardless what life deals us we go on. So since my life revolves around my family I will chat about that and occasionally I will vent, hopefully not to often.

You know the old song "She's Got Betty Davis Eyes"? It was a song about a woman with a lovely set of peepers. Like the renowned eyes of actress Betty Davis. Well into her 80's at least now her eyes are about all that is still lovely but she is still a beauty. This week was trips to the doctors for two of the girls. Fatimah has now had Type 1 Diabetes for 7 years and was due for an eye exam. And Aieysha was scheduled for a dental to check progress on her braces.

Fatimah got very sick around her second birthday, at the time she was the third youngest in the USA. Also for some unknown reason children born in 1999 were coming up diabetic. Don't know why never looked into it much back then. Fatimah was born on 090999. She had just barely recovered and made it to two when a few days later a more famous day is known 9-11.

Well, this month she is 10 years old. She is my baby and its odd to know that my granddaughter Keeley just had her tenth birthday on the first. For anyone from Libya this is a day of pride. September 1 is the day Qhadaffi came into power. I got the letter from the Embassy warning us Americans to be careful during that time. I was in Libya that time, four years ago when I last was in Libya. I remember going to the capital city and seeing all the lights and decorations set to celebrate the day. And that evening I stayed at home with my brother in law Salem and could here the celebrations around the city.

Well, this year is much different, I'm in the USA and far from the sights and sounds of Tripoli. We are working on our third week of school and the kids are doing great. So, Monday I took Fatimah to her diabetes exam and for once in a very long time her Hb1C was 8.9. To those of you who suffer with diabetes you know that is the level of overall sugar in your system. A score under 7 is the best. But it has always been a struggle for us to keep her scores low. I hoped that with her getting older she would begin to understand more of not having so much of something or not asking for more when she eats less than a hour before but her little body goes into hunger pangs when her levels go up and she eats like there is no tomorrow. She has yet to understand that is a trigger that she needs to ignore. Her body is needing to burn the sugars in her system not add more to it. So things such as loss of eye sight over her lifetime will be reduced. They said that even people with good testing still can loose eyesight but I would love for it not to happen too soon. There is too much too see that she hasn't.

Well, we got a appointment for the next morning so I had two at the same time. I asked hubby to take Aieysha and I would go with Fatimah since they were only a few buildings apart. We got in and as usual my daughter was a social butterfly talking up a storm with the nurse. She was a bit scared when I told her what the doctor was going to do but she was a trouper. Her eyes were first looked at with various scopes and the nurse finally administered her drops to dilate her retina. Then she said it would be 15 minutes. A fine young doctor entered the room and had a wonderful bedside manner and she had a new buddy. He then was great at explaining what he was doing. The doctor used a variety of scopes to again look into her eyes. On on occasion she peeped, "I can see the back of my eyes!" He told us so many technical terms that I finally asked how to spell that one so we could share it with her siblings. ENTOPTIC Phenomena. When a strong light is shined into the back of your eye you get a refraction onto the lens and it is transferred back so you see a floating light. Next, he took a few photographs of her eyes to examine for damage to the blood vessels of her eyes. This damage is what results in lost of eyesight for diabetics. The tiny veins begin to deteriorate and the veins burst and eventually the eyes loose blood supply and they die. We looked in wonder at her eyes and commented on what they looked like. Chicken yolks came to mind, planets in space and plain old yuck was her opinion. But they were still strong that was all that mattered. Now each year she will be given an eye exam and if and when she starts having eye trouble we have a reference point to refer to for damage. In the photo above the dark spot is the eyes optic nerve that goes to our brain. The spider veins supply blood and oxygen to the eyes. The other light spot is the eye seeing light from the source. I was so thrilled I asked the doctor if he could email it to me to show the other kids. He took my email address and said he would try to.

Well, we gathered up our belongings and headed out the door and Fatimah, donned in her space glasses entered the bright sunlight and yelled. "its too bright!" Yes, hunny be thankful you can see this glorious day. Somewhere out there is someone who can't or doesn't want to see the wonder of this day. So to all of you- Look for your sunshine day and remember it when the world seems dark.

Am I Getting Older or What?

2009-08-30T08:43:00.003-06:00

Where has time gone? Where has my life gone? I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that I am almost 50. I guess each year when my brother updates his email address it is a constant reminder that we are getting old. My oldest child Rachael will be 30 this year and I finally have a new grandson, Macloud Raiden Ruel. He was born in Feburary but I never saw him until this month. I live less than a mile from his mother yet I never saw him until my mother and sister came to visit me this month. Long story, but hey I haven't written anything in like over a year.

Rachael and Melissa are my older daughters from my life prior to becoming a Muslim. Rachael was a teen pregnancy whose father ran off and joined the Army and Melissa is the daughter of my first husband Steve. Life didn't deal me the best hand as a young woman and our relationship as mother and daughters is not what I want after so many years. Rachael lives with her two children Keeley and Kaleb in Utah and I talk to her just about every day if not twice a week. I talk to my grandchildren on a monthly basis or each time she calls at least. Melissa on the other hand moved here to Colorado after the death of her father. She had been dealt years of stories about Mom that anyone who has gone through child custody and divorce is familiar with. She didn't quite fit into my life and for many reasons she met and married a nice young man Michael. Don't get me wrong I love her with all my heart and they both know it as do my other children I have with Taher but our relationships are not the same.

Even though we are less than a mile apart we may be worlds away. I rarely see or hear from her and my life goes on. In June, my mother told me she and my sister Faye were planning a trip to see me then on to Utah to visit my other siblings. I haven't seen my mother in a few years and except for the phone relationship we now have I am not really a part of my families lives. Another result of American lives. My ties with my family started breaking long before but it was the death of my Adopted father James that broke the last straws for me. James adopted me and two siblings when I was 7 and although I remember that I had another last name I have no memories of my real father. This was one reason why I began my genealogy work. James had been married before and had two sons Kerry my most wonderful brother in the whole world and Farrell whom I met once in my lifetime and I wish to reach out to. Kerry came into my life at a pivotal point I had just became a teenager and he was the older brother I always wanted and now had. He was one of the few who thought it was cool to be an uncle, when I had my first child. Farrell came for a summer the year I was 14 and like most half siblings it was a miserable summer. He lived in Virginia and we never saw or spoke to each other again. James passed away 15 years ago, when my daughter Aieysha was barely a year old. The two boys have no memories of him as they only saw him when they were very little and Aieysha saw him a few weeks before his death. We all flew to Utah for the funeral and stayed just a few days as family issues arose that lead us to leave as soon as possible. Many hard feelings were made that day. Needless to say it was until I began my search for my birth father that my ties with my family were renewed. I finally got up the nerve to call my mother one day and get more needed info to try and solve the questions of my past.

Now it is two years later and I speak to my mother two to three times a week chatting about someone I found we were related to or asking if she can find a certain book at the most wonderful book store in Florida Books, Books, Books. Those ladies are great at finding stuff that I need or old books that are long out of publication lying on old dusty shelves. We joke that one of their best customers is in another state! Anyway, not too long after my sister became ill and they asked me if I could locate her father too. I did, but thankfully it was not a serious illness and they at least have a chance if they wish to form a union.

Maybe it is just me, or something I lost in life but I feel lost without knowing who my father was. I did find him, he is living but not anywhere close by. But once his family got involved they refused to speak to me. They wanted proof that I was his child. OK, I agree, but they have never done a DNA test to help me prove that and they do not respond to my letters. I guess this is one thing I will never know for sure. And it has left me feeling more lost.

Anyway back to last June, not only were my mother and sister coming to visit but my grandchildren Keeley and Kaleb were supposed to visit their father who now lives in Colorado for the summer and they needed a place to stay. So my little house was bursting! Mom and Faye came and we barely got one day with each other, seeing as I had not seen my sister in 15 years it was a bit odd but it felt like we had just talked last week. It was a bit strained I think no one wanted to say anything to damage the delicate balance we now live with. I have yet to really talk with my other siblings. Except for Kerry, I feel like I live alone when it comes to family.

With the beginning of Ramadan I am always sad, I think back to just four years ago when I went with my children on a trip to Libya to visit my husbands family. Those of you who know me know how that journey was. But now with time, all bad fades and I still would go again in a heartbeat to be back were at least there was family. Ramadan is so much of thanking God for what you have and some days I fell like I haven't given my kids the most important gift-FAMILY.

I can only hope that I at sometime in the future hold my grand kids on my lap and tell them the stories of their parents when they were little. While my mother and everyone were here I felt really sick the second day after they arrived. I thought it was the stress of just being together and so many people in one small house. Especially with the two extra children fighting over everything...I was making couscous for dinner and I was trying not to cut myself. I had felt funny all day and this was getting dangerous. I told them the meat was in the pot and the soup needed sometime and the couscous was ready and sat down on the couch. I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure but never stayed on medication due to doctors. I pulled out my blood pressure cuff and took my score it was 179/130. My sister called my old doctors office whom I had just been to a few months back and they took two hours to call me back. They said go to the hospital right away. Taher was called and my son drove as my sister had no idea where or how to get to the hospital and mom stayed with the other kids. At 3 am they said that it was close that my potassium level was so low that a heart stroke or attack was likely had I not came in.

The next day, I cried. I hadn't even seen my new grandson yet and I had just seen my sister after 15 years and it shook me to the core. What if I did have a stroke or attack and had died? Well, its a month later and I am doing better for a few weeks I walked and moved like granny but I have regained most of my health. I tried to fast but it drained me so badly that for my health I will not fast this year. My kids homestudy now and we have been in school two weeks and are doing great. I have my son to take me where I need if I need to go out although he hates to be chauffeur. But imagine if I have a weak spell while driving. I don't risk other peoples lives. The day after I got out of the hospital my daughter Melissa came and brought the baby for me to see. First time in 6 months, he was a beautiful boy, not sure where he got that from!! Hehehe. But I was having problems with weakness in my arms and could not hold him and he was looking at all the strange people and just bellowed. I went into my room to lie down and inside I was breaking, here was my grandson who I could not hold and who I had just seen for the first time and I almost never saw him. To me Ramadan is not fasting, not friends, or how many parties or dinners you have too serve to another group of guests it's FAMILY. Cherish what we have people. Life is getting short. My husband still has not talked to his family in years and mine is strained at best. But I have to make due with what I have. My children that are still at home and help them to understand the value of family as one day when we are older we may no longer have them around to enjoy. Peace to everyone and may you see your life in a new light today.

Ok so what happened to the Year?

2008-11-26T07:49:00.002-07:00

Seems the last time I posted it was June, now I got one day and its Thanksgiving! I guess the best is to tell you what didn't happen. My main goal of the summer was to find a new home. I started out with an old realtor friend to assist us but found quite quickly that they just didn't understand our needs or my picky hubby. So, I went back to school for a few weeks and got my Broker license. In the state of Colorado you can be a agent or a Broker. Agent you are newer or you work for others, and a Broker you qualify to run an office or work on your own without a manager. Seeing as the classes I needed were the same in hours and this was the cheaper alternative, I choose to be a broker. I did sign on to a small office so I am her backup when she is out of town or in case of a emergency. Although, the TV states that Colorado is fairing well with the economy, we still have it tough here. If you have a job your a lucky person.

We spent all summer looking for just the right house and found one that suited the bill. It was a large home built in a smaller neighborhood that made it overpriced for the location, a bad builder mistake but great for the right buyer. I put in an offer with my manager as my license was not yet in place and some banks will not pay you if you are a agent. We asked for a quick reply as we needed to make quick plans to get the move done by end of summer. We waited two months longer than we had asked and in September they called and said they had accepted our offer.

I was so excited and knowing we would have only 30 days I started packing my house of all unneeded items. We finally got the paperwork from the agent and found the data was wrong. They said oh it was a mistake and they would resend. A few days later they said no it was a counter not a acceptance of the offer. I finally got a copy and was trying to get hubby to sign it on the last available day to sign it and we called to tell them that we were sending the papers. Now. The agent informed us that over the weekend an offer had came in and they had ACCEPTED it and so we were out. We lost the house. Now had the house been under a regular seller this could not have happened, but BANKS can do just as they please. My only consolation was that the buyers who bought it paid 190,000 more than I would have and boy did they pay too much. I think just like the last owner they think they can do repairs and resell it. Nope not for that kind of money. It had started out listing at 780,000 dollars and we would have paid 270,000. You see its all in the location. Had the house been a few miles in any other direction it could go for that much but not in the neighborhood that it is in. Houses there are at the most 170,000 in price and in Colorado location is everything. So with a half packed house and I admit a very pissed self I still have not moved. While we waited for this house all the others that may have been a good alternative sold as well. Now we are looking at 350,000 or more for a five bedroom house. Half of them are on small lots or the taxes are so high. More houses sold in Colorado this summer than the last five years. So were is the slow down economy? These homes are being bought by people who fix them up and resale them hopefully for a profit if the area is good that is all they need. In the meantime, my hubby's work is so slow I guess God knew that things were going to be tight and that is why things happened they way they did. I have been looking on my own now since I can again and things are just not what I want. I found one yesterday that would work it is smaller than I would like and it needs two more bedrooms but it has a large yard that could be built on. Now to get hubby to go look.
Suhayl and Aieysha are home study now which if you are not familiar with the concept you teach your children at home. I found an online school but it was too hard with Aieysha's learning disability so I am teaching her myself. Suhayl had one year and he was just so tired of struggling so I am working with him to finish too. Suhayb will finish school in January I hope. That will leave two in school. State laws say the children have to go to school until age 16. Suhayl would do well in College if he can choose the subject of study so I will work on a GED for him. Aieysha will learn basic skills and home skills and I guess she will make a good wife one day but I just don't see her beyond high school. Her disability puts her equal to a third or fourth grade student and that is a struggle for her most days. But we will do what is best for her to make it in life.
I didn't get to Libya this year either as I would have liked. I guess I will hope that next year will be better. I want to take a online course in furniture recovering. You can find nice pieces sometimes that just need a new cover and I would like to do that. I found a class that is 300.00 to study and have all the tools. I will have to see what the next year brings. Things are still tight in the automobile industry. Thankfully my hubby works for Nissan. The US auto industry is in trouble and who knows what will happen to people who work for them.
As for the new President elect Barack Obama, I could not be happier. I was raised in the south and it seems that some people have never came out of slavery mindset. Some days the nasty email I get just makes me wonder how far we have come? I hope for the best and for the status of our economy. Will a man who's father was Muslim help to make the situation for Muslims better? I don't know how many emails I got of stupid people thinking he was a undercover terrorist just waiting to take over the USA. Yeah right.
Well, I guess that is enough for now and I hope to post a bit more often. I'm always on the computer but its either Genealogy or Real Estate now so I don't have much time after I do homeschooling too now. Happy Thanksgiving for those who enjoy the day and for the rest of you a reminder that we are all one people and we all need to help the other to prosper.

How is it already June?

2008-06-26T09:05:00.002-06:00

Seems like the year just started last week. I have been busy in so many ways these last few months so its hard to tell where to talk about so rather than go back, I will tell you what has happened lately.

School finally ended for my bunch and Fatimah was the last one to finish. The local school she attends had since it opened its doors been a year-round school. What does that mean? It means that your child starts school in July around the beginning of the month and then until June of the following year, they have a schedule of eight weeks in school and three weeks off. Then in June they are off three weeks and they start the next grade . It is great when all your kids are in school that way but since she is my youngest, she is behind the others by five years. So while she was always in school, the others are now on a traditional school year. Our little neighborhood ebbs and flows with the tide of families that move into the area, it has made the decision to go to calendar year. Being one square mile in circumference it holds a good number of families. Many of which are muslim. Many big families have gone through our school and every year we get. "Is this the last one?" They have a few more years with Fatimah and yes this will be the last one!

After 17 years in the same house, we (I guess I) decided that we needed a larger house to bear the weight of this family of mine. Being a ex-realtor I thought that with the market the way it was finding a home would be a snap. Our city has million dollar houses all the way down to houses I wouldn't let my pets sleep in. So how hard can it be to find a house? First, I have a bit of a criteria to make sure that this is the end of moves for me.

Must have at least 6 bedrooms, a four bath house, laundry upstairs on the main level or sleeping level. Stairsways must have a landing (hubbies knees are getting bad), and a formal space for living room and dining as I will try to attempt to have guests after so many years, and stay in the same school district. Finally, a sizable yard over 9000 sq ft. and be at least 3000 sq ft in size. The hubby set a price limit and so my search began. It has been almost three months now and yes you can find those qualifications but the idea of the kids having to move from their school too was a challenge that hit us first. Aieysha broke down when we suggested that we have to go to other schools. And I got the, "that school is for preppy kids", routine so much. I don't care, maybe some preppy would rub off!
We have the ability now to view most any home available for sale on the computer and I began to research the houses that I wanted to see. I arranged for a old colleague to help me see the houses since I no longer had privilege to go on my own.

Houses were definitely designed with men in mind. Women do not design houses that you must go through a bathroom to a room to seat guest and your laundry closet is not right next to the front door. Kitchens are not supposed to be in full eye view of everyone who enters your home. Bathrooms should not be bigger than the secondary bedrooms and a garage is not the place to store my groceries.

With the loan market having thousands of repossessed homes and more failing each day the market is full of houses. But, finding a home for a large family is harder than you think. The builders when they get more expensive think you don't have big families or all your kids are grown so why do you need large rooms for kids and why shouldn't the master bedroom be half the size of the upper floor. Why should your closet not be as big as most bedrooms and all the rooms on the main floor should all be one large area. I mean come on what was I thinking!

We found a few houses that meet this criteria but they are either over 400,000 dollars or they are beat to heck by age or lack of care.

It is now mid June and if we find a house in time before calender year starts we will be lucky. Then we are stuck with Fatimah going back to year round school but only if we can move in before July. Yeah ya think.

Seems hard to believe that just two short years ago I had just arrived in Libya to meet my inlaws for the first time. Looking back I still wish to visit Libya again. But I will probably have to go by myself. The kids had such a miserable time there that they cringe at the word Libya and hubby has really shown no interest in going anytime soon. So for now I watch all my friends here going back for another visit or for some the first time to begin the cycle of marrying off our kids. I wish them all the best on their travels. For now my home is here.

Voting Year and Our Choices

2008-02-20T12:58:00.002-07:00

Who can miss the daily onslaught of our Presidential Canidates and their banter? We live in a country where up until the 1950's Blacks could not vote without fear of harm. Women got the right to vote long before them even. I remember when it first started and Hilary Clinton spoke out against Barack Obama ,of him having been a muslim as a youth. Also that he had attended a "radical" Islamic School as a child. That set me as a sure fact that I would not choose her as my next President. Why? How low do you have to go to bring up such an issue? Let's just add fear mongering to her abilities. As you all know who read my blog, I work on my family genealogy and some days I don't have much to do so I fiddle with various options that my program gives me. One such option is to find records of "famous" people that I am related to. As I have noted some are quite cool and with the name Bush as one of my family lines I also checked out that option. Thankfully, I am not from the same group as far as the USA Bush's are concerned. What may hold from England I am unsure. That far back I am not to concerned. But one came up that surprized me and I am sure if she knew maybe she would look at things differently.

Hilary Rodham Clinton. Yes, the great "well look at you" woman herself is my eighth cousin! That means eight generations back our common ancestor was Elizabeth Ferris (humm Faris-Ferris, could I be related to my hubby too?)through my grandfather we twist and weave through males and females back through time and low and behold. I guess now I can call her up and say "Hi Cousin"! This is your Muslim cousin callin want to take a trip down and visit with ya.

Why did I bring it up? What I have come to find is alot of people are related to each other in many different ways and to publicly denounce someone because of their ethnic or religious background; expecially coming from a public servant, you not only make yourself look bad and ugly but you may hurt someone indirectly. I don't know who I will vote for in the coming elections but I know who I am not voting for. There are hundreds of thousands of American Muslims living in the USA and I wonder how many feel she deserves our vote? If she is telling us not to trust someone who was a muslim as a child what is she telling our muslim children? What about our young muslim men and women who serve in our military? You can go die for this country but I won't trust you. Not very far off from how African Americans were treated just a few hundred years ago. You can die for me but you can't be free or have equal rights as I do. Same for our Japaneese Americans who suffered during WWII. When does such ignorance end?

I read books dealing with the time frames that I am working on so I can put myself into my work properly I just finished Roots by Alex Haley and now am reading Grapes of Wrath. I remember how the Roots story rooted a nation to the TV as a teen and the whole world watched as young Kunta Kinte became a slave. I also watch movies like Mississippi Burns and the fictional Mrs. Jane Pittman and I am reminded that my children have never known any of the things that these movies portrayed. In a grateful way I am thankful. My children sit next to children from all walks and races and have the same opportunities as any other child to succeed in this world and I hope their world will be a better place than what we the Baby Boomers have done.

Are we ready for a Change? Black Man or White Woman, humm. I guess we can always choose Democrat if we feel we are not ready for such a dramatic change. Choose wisely is all I can say. The next generation is depending on it.

New Year, New Mysteries

2008-01-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

Hi, here's hoping we all made it to the New Year in safety. As usual we stayed home. For one thing it was cold and snowing and late for us old folks. As usual I had just drifted off and the noise began, I guess I should be happy I don't live closer to Downtown. The neighbors are enough some years. Even though the state banned fireworks that go up it is amazing how many seem to still go off every year. It finally settled down and I dozed off. New Years Day was upon us. Now it's a few weeks into the year, and my does time seem to go faster each year.

Continuing my work on genealogy and I now have over 13,000 names in my database. I finally found my adopted fathers line and added them to my files. The Jacobson-Welker lines came from Ohio and Holland. They were among the first Mormon Pioneers to help settle the Western states. I had grown up hearing the stories of wagon trails and burying babies along the way. As I put the names in I found hints to books written by others on my "famous"family line. There are cites in Utah and Idaho and other Western states who owe their existence to these people. Imagine in our day of getting on an airplane and going across the world in a matter of hours, how it was to travel across the plains, prairies and mountains to start a new life. Climate, native Indian tribes, animals and distance must have tried even the best of souls. But they came to spread humankind and faith to the wide expanse.

Most people know that the Mormons were a religious faith, many people compare to Islam. They do have their similarities, such as plural marriages. It was a practice in the faith to marry more than one woman until Utah wanted to become a state of the Union. For whatever reasons, the Mormon faith backed down on this practice and all marriages that were multiple were allowed to remain but no more plural marriages were allowed. I expected to find quite a few such marriages but as of yet I have only found 1. A young couple received a letter from the niece of the wife saying that her husband had died. I guess she needed a place to stay and became the second wife of her mothers sister. A lot could be said about this and it is till today discussed. Not to long ago on a local cable channel they brought on a show about a polygamist family. My Two Wives, didn't last very long. Funny, Americans can marry and cheat on their wives and be content but marry the other woman instead and all HELL breaks loose. I recently discussed Islam's ideal of plural marriage with a friend and I could tell it didn't hold much with her either. Oh well to each his own is my motto. Yesterday I came across another item of interest that has always brought a flurry of pro and cons on the religion forums of Myspace. Young wives and OLD men.

Islam's revered Prophet Mohammed married a young Aieysha. There is much dispute as to her actual age at Marriage and more as to when she consummated the marriage. How many people got irate when they took the idea of a girl of nine being married. We discuss that other cultures married women at young ages as well but I guess we have to be the scapegoats. We look to puberty as a sign of maturity in the oldest of cultures so if a girl reached puberty at nine who could say she was not mature? Young men are known to mature at various ages but we all know that they mature at a much later stage. (Like 56) A girl was a woman when she hit puberty plain and simple. Now we zoom to today and with science we know that yes a girl may be pubescent but still not capable of having a healthy pregnancy at such a young age. I am sure many young brides died in childbirth due to this. None the less I look at my ancestors and see women having children from age 11 til well into their 50's and surviving after having literally one child a year for each year of marriage. And this covers all faiths and cultures. Now as to men. Men mature usually around 14 and can by today's standards keep having children for many years. Not like they do much past the night! Any way I have seen many a family man stay virile well into his 50's. But yesterday I had to make a phone call-I found one entry that blew my socks off. I was working out of a book that had been compiled on the people of a county in Georgia were most of my mother's lines settled. I won't name the book or the county in respect of the families. I was putting in the marriage info for a couple and was trying to locate more info on the parents of a young woman. I found a census where mom was living with her in her 60's so I figured dad had to be somewhere close. I started looking for other census records from an earlier time. I didn't see dad anywhere. I happened to open the mother's file and a hint appeared (that is a clue provided by the program that there may be a bit of information I need available) so I clicked on the census for the mother. It was a 1880 census record. She was 24. Oh so this must be the file I need to find her husbands first name out. I knew the last name so I began to look over the photocopy of the original census record. Many familiar surnames were there but finally I saw her name. I looked there was the wife and daughter was age 1 so yes this had to be them. Then I saw the husband- but no this could not be correct! This man was 72!!!!!! Ok, maybe its his father ...but no the family was just these three people..line says married not widowed...ok and they had a one year old child.

I got on the phone and exclaimed how could they do that!!!How does a 24 year old woman get stuck with a crotchety old man and have a child none the less???? We began to discuss the times late 1700's and maybe she was orphaned, poor and her family married her off to better her status any number of reasons could be surmised, but in the end was this no different than any other country that Americans constantly badger as being disgusting? I was reminded of a recent TV personality that made waves when she married a much older man- Anna Nicole Smith of porno fame married a man well beyond her years and we all knew it was for his money. I joked that at least this ancestor made a effort of once and got a child but in this day and age we are aghast when we hear of such behavior. All the more I see things that in one country it is appalling while if we all looked into our own pasts we would find such behaviors. In many ways we have not changed. The Romans, Egyptians, Grecians and many more married sisters to brothers to maintain pure bloodlines of Royals so how is it that when a lady announced the other day that her great grandparents had been brother and sister a collective shiver went up and down the forum? Speaking of Royals, my adopted fathers mother, is descended from the same woman who's line is the Royal family of England! You think if I asked to see the Queen I would be allowed, I mean we are related! And I also came across a connection to my mothers family line. I had a hint that my mothers line was related to the famous "Shirley Temple" or Shirley Temple Black as she is known today and I traced my lines to her female side of the family lines. I was working on my adopted grandmothers line and found also the same hint. I had also found that she had descended from people who lived in Georgia so I got digging. Her line came down the fathers line at the very same point! Momma your related to dad! But I think were safe.

Wow the End is Near

2007-12-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe but the year will soon be over. So what has the last year been like? Mostly I stay at home working on the computer to keep my sanity. Doing my genealogy is great at distracting me from a otherwise dull existence. We finally got another car-yeah a car not a suv or a truck as I had wished for but a Ford Taurus that thankfully will seat 6 people. But for me that didn't change much. I'm still at home as the son needs the car for school and when he is home its time to cook dinner. If I am really in the mood I will go out on Sunday with the hubby to do any shopping that requires my attention. I gave up on grocery shopping its a run in and out and "what do we need that for" experience and even when I do need something I have to have a good reason for it.

I'm thinking about going back to school next year for study in Medical Assisting. I found a program for 350 for 11 weeks evening classes twice a week. I want it more for me and my knowledge than to actually get a job. I have to wait and see if our elementary school is going calendar next year or not.

The kids are working on their braces. Khadijah maybe has a year left and Aieysha has just started by getting the metal bands that will hold her rubber bands. I need to find a way to pay for 11 teeth to be pulled between her and Suhayb and at a cost of 3600 I don't know how. That is a salary for a month lately.

We lost our health insurance this month too. Tell me how a company looks at one month to decide if you qualify as poor? Most months this year Hubby has made around 3-4000 if we are lucky. With the car accident we are now faced with a larger car payment and lost money having to pay off what we owed on the Subaru. He found a good deal but now our payments are double what we were making and with two accidents our rates have gone up too. Any way I reapplied for medical assistance and they sent me all this stuff that I had to do to prove identities and income and such. Also now that the oldest is 18, we could loose coverage for him. They were upset that he was not graduating this year, well I am too but why deny a child medical because of that? He is back on Honor Roll and he will finish the first quarter of next year. Seeing that our paycheck was not enough to cover the new expenses Hubby asked for his vacation pay and that put us over the limit for a family of seven. So they denied us and now I got to hustle to reapply before Fatimah needs medicines again. One month is only 800 we can afford that, right.....

We were invited to a wedding for a young man at Hubby's work last month and he actually asked me if I wanted to go. Hey its a night out even if its all the family. I warned them ahead of time if they didn't want to go they could stay home, I didn't want to hear it that they were bored or tired. Hubby was working but said he would take off in time(yeah right) to attend the wedding party. Well the girls and I started early as I had been over a year since we had worn a dress and pulled out all the dresses from my closet that I had left. Khadijah was easy she had bought a dress in Libya that still fit but she wanted ringlets in her hair. Aieysha was harder, she had lost some weight but not enough to fit in any of the nice dresses I had. I have some that I wore like 10 years ago still in my closet and thankfully one fit her. We even curled her hair a bit and added a clip. I finally found one I could fit in and that wasn't to unbecoming of a older lady and put my hair up in a bun. We were set. Suhayl wore a suit and Suhayb and Fatimah wanted to stay home. At the last minute Fatimah wanted to go so I had to scramble to find her an outfit. We put on our abayahs and headed out the door. We arrived at the Hotel and were sadden to find that it was going to be a mixed party. If I had known that I would have stayed home or at least dressed in Jeans under my Abayah. Khadijah was almost in tears so I finally let her take her Abayah off. We were the first to arrive and sat alone for a bit at one of the tables off to the side of the room. All evening was "were is Taher"? Working! I finally reached him and he was on his way. You mean you didn't change your mind and just want to go home.. He arrived and on seeing the set up he wanted to leave. Oh NO, you are sitting here for a bit this is your friend not mine, I don't know most of these people. They served dinner finally and I had a plate of bloody roast beef sat before me. NO way take it back and when it stops mooing bring it back. They did but it was still mooing! Ok so now I'm hungry and bored. The music was too loud and in a mixed group no way was I going to have the opportunity to dance so we just sat there. Fatimah was for once my break. She was getting tired and we were all hungry still so I told him I was leaving and taking the kids home to tell his friend thanks for the invite and he could stay for a bit. He didn't want to but he had just arrived and his friends had been asking for him all night.

He came home later saying that the couple was mad we didn't stay and dance. Sorry I don't do mixed unless they are family. There was not one person there I was related to except for my kids. Funny and when Hubby went to say hello to the couple she said she doesn't shake hands with men, but you dance in front of them? I do have to admit her gown was nice it was very islamic but still a wedding gown. I told Taher that it will not be too long and this will be us preparing for the weddings of our kids. We talk about the choices of wives or husbands available here. He wants a Libyan for his kids. Oh yeah a kid who has been raised in the USA all their life goes to Libya to take a spouse. I would like it too but lets be realistic.

The girls have another concert this week for Band and I hope to remember to take the camera. Other than that my life is the same. Eid is coming and I don't remember when was the last time he actually went and killed a lamb for Eid. The boys last went when Suhayl was 5 I think. Let's keep those traditions strong now! Last year we couldn't afford one so we didn't get a lamb. We got a half of a cow earlier this year and as usual it was chopped to pieces and bones everywhere. Nothing recognizable to call a steak or such. So it was bagged and he and the kids eat it mostly as I have had too much trouble with my teeth this year. I got three yanked out a few days before Thanksgiving. I am finally seeing a dentist but with the other kids and our bills lately I can't do too much at any given time. I'll keep with chicken and fish.

Well I guess I have caught you up with my year. I always hope that the next year is better but I don't know I guess I just give up sometimes. Thank God for my computer and genealogy work. Pouring over census records from the 1700's keeps me sane. And I have now found a bunch more relations that we didn't know we had. No close ones yet but hopefully I will find some soon. Trying to prove someone existed is a bit harder than you think. I was thinking this week, census is done every ten years. Yet, since I have been married I have not been a part of one. Glad my stuff is online now as there would be a difficult time proving we existed! I'm still having trouble proving that my parents existed. But when the 1940 census records are out hopefully they will be there. See you all next year if I don't stop in before that. The photos I added are the kids the day of the wedding and a photo of my grandparents when they were young. Grandma was such a beautiful woman.

Day's Turned into Weeks

2007-10-18T12:36:00.000-06:00

Sorry, I guess life did get me busy, at least researching my family history did! I am now 7,000 more names closer to my goal. Working with my family and searching online databases I found a lost great-uncle and how some of my relations passed away. Ever wonder how life was 100 years ago? How about 200? Our history books are filled with "Stories" told by learned men about how are ancestors lived, worked and helped defend our countries.
Did you ever hear of a war called the "War of the Wilderness" during studies of the Civil War Era? Over 40,000 men died in a two day battle! Killed by their own friends, brothers, neighbors and fellow country men. A more recent relation died when the Navy Sub he was on during WW1 sank of the coast of Florida and all men aboard lost their lives. What happened you may ask? The battery got damp with water and failed to work is what the Navy's final ruling was. Sad way to drowned below the sea on a training mission.
I'm not a defender of wars by any means. Let the ones who start it finish it. Go out in some field like our Welch ancestors did and fight it out the two best men and then the rest go home safely to their families. One relation had 18 kids, 12 he lost to the war. Yes, I found a fair share of illness that took lives in my family and that is one reason why I search them out. So I know what may be lurking out there that my children may have inherited.
I wish you all a Happy Eid, as usual mine was just like last year. Get hopes up of doing something and then change the plan to stay at home and order dinner out. So if you want to know what my Eid was like look up last years.
Things have been tight this year as car sales have slipped with rising gas prices so if an accident doesn't bring you in its slim pickings for the salesmen.
The kids are all doing well in school. Fatimah is finally reading up a storm and her skills are improving more each day. Aieysha has lost 12 pounds playing in marching band! Which means we keep having to buy her new pants every few weeks. But hey she is looking great. Khadijah did her first band concert this week too. Try finding a black floor lenght skirt for a 5'7 girl who is a size ZERO and not be slit all the way up to her panties! We did some looking and Khols was our savior. Suhayl has moved from Color Guard to Male Choir and he is now a Tenor 2. He was a Baritone but his voice, common for 15 yr old males is changing and he is just getting deeper. Suhayb is playing Ice Hockey this year and with that is new challenges. The first real practice he fell and his head hit the ice, next he vomited and then when the friend brought him home it was another rush to the local emergency room to make sure his head was still whole. Here he term "hard headed" is literal for him! Yesterday, was his 18th birthday. Wow we just celebrated 20 yrs of marriage to this month. Where did the time go? Things overall are better with hubby, my mom and life in general so I guess not much to be un-thankful for. I'm throwing in a few picks so you can feel the life as I live it. Finally, you will notice another set of my car. My son was taking it as he is farther away now for classes and no bus and some kids ask to go for lunch. Well he was fasting and a bit dizzy to drive but said no problem when another student offered to drive for him. He did and not more than a few seconds later it could have been a disaster for four young lives.
A CD case had been put on the dash and it slid, the kid reached for the case and lost control of the car and was soon sliding down an embankment next to the school. Had the car not hit the tree, it was likely the car would have rolled and four young men would have been upside down in the ditch. So long story short all are fine but a bit wiser. Seems the young man who offer to drive was also without a license! But, what mattered most is no one was injured, my car is a total loss this time. Cars can be fixed or replaced but how do you fix the loss of a child?

Oh, one special photo I have added is my Great-grandmother Margaret Etter Bush. She is my idol and the woman I loved most as a child. 104 when she died and was the smallest of ladies but her love was big enough for all her children. If I live to be half the woman she was I will be good. Every grey hair I get reminds me of the lovely gray hair she had and so now I will no longer wish to color it. Going on 50 who should really care? The other man is my greatgrandfather Stephen J Bowen . I think I took after the Bush side don't you?

So to everyone I wish health, happiness and love for the comming year and I'll try to stay in touch more often. And to my older girls and my brother Kerry I love and miss you all. Love Old Momma

Oh What a Life

2007-08-17T06:20:00.000-06:00

Sorry I hadn't stepped in to say hi in awhile. Getting kids back to school is hard enough when you have a few but five to go back takes planning. We started out seeing who needs what to start the year with. Took the girls out first as they are usually the hardest to find clothing for. We got lucky this year and Aieysha actually found some blouses she liked at Khols that were three/quarter sleeved and fit over her properly. Khadijah is never hard unless they don't carry as small size 1 in Women's is hard to find too. Fatimah had to start back before the others being in year round school so she was already done. The boys were told they would have to wait until winter time as they had pretty much gotten a new wardrobe around summer as they had outgrown all we brought from Libya last year. Then we started school supplies. Thankfully. I didn't need backpacks so it wasn't so much of a hassle trying to find just the right backpack for each kid. A few trips to Walmart and then the dollar stores and we were pretty much set.
Now mom could go back to working on her genealogy. It got so I was spending all day online adding names to my tree. Not that it is bad but nothing else was getting done either! I did find some more neat relatives. Let me see I have one who became a Governor of Rhode Island, at least two who were honored Revolutionary heroes, a dear aunt who was killed by the Indians during the King Phillips War along with two of her children and one who was quite daring.
Ephraim Bowen look him up he is online. He and a band of men got fed up with Britain's taxation of American supplies that they arranged and carried out the attack on the HMS Gaspee one night in 1776's. He was only 18 at the time and never spoke about the incident until he was in his 80's. After the attack Britain sent investigators to find out who had taken part in the attack on the ship and had they been found they would surely have faced death at the gallows or firing squads. The group of men some 60 or more banned together and kept their secrets all those years until way after our fight with England had been won. It was documented on the Gaspee website that this action caused so much anger with England that it became the reason the war began.
This got me curious because I remember some old song from Saturday morning cartoons called "The Shot Heard 'round the World" it was one of those famous School House Rocks songs and I had the collection on DVD. Yeah I know who would have such a item in a DVD collection? But I pulled out the song and listened to it with renewed interest. But the song refers to Lexington? And my ancestors were in Rhode Island? So what shot did they refer to? I hope to use some of my ancestors lives as references for my kids in History classes this year. They can learn how their ancestors helped shape our Independence. I found letters from General Washington and references to them having known Benjamin Franklin too. Wow what a life some of them had. I found one who came all the way to Colorado and had one child here and then off to Texas to continue our line there. Could there be some old mining documents here in my home state that I could find out about. What else would someone in the early 1800's have wanted with Colorado? And why did they suddenly go to Texas? Maybe I will have my brother Kerry look into it. He is into finding stuff like that. As of yet it seems that although most of the family was very wealthy at their arrival to the USA, it seems that I have no "rich uncles" out there. I got a bunch that went far in life. They became scholars and chancellors in Universities in the mid USA and continued to serve our country most honorably. So for me I can say that my relatives surely helped reach our Independence. As a Muslim that is a good thing here when everyday people question our contributions to our homelands.
I had an incident were someone placed a slur on the Board for our family name and in anger I stated that I was a Muslim and proud of it and if you were on that Board more than 80% chance you were related to me so like it or not you had a Muslim family member! The Board was incensed that someone would place such garbage on a forum and a few days later I got an email asking who had placed the note. I thought it was a personal email to me so I replied. I said I didn't know who did it but I was angry for it and replied when I should have ignored it. Found out a few minutes later it was a question posted to the forum and some "witch" for lack of a nicer word" replied that well from what she has heard it is true so if it angered me so much why did I keep bringing it up? Jeeze lord a mighty! Can't win for losing.
Finally, I found a member of my family that was kicked out of our Puritan colonies. Yes, it appears he was deemed a "pestilent fellow". hahahahahahaha
Now that sounds like a Bowen!

One last bit the kids go back to school Monday YEAH......But Fatimah will go on her three week break, DARN.......just as they return. So I guess I will be busy this year trying to make sure a certain someone graduates this year. Aieysha and Suhayl and Khadijah are all in Band so it will keep me busy and Suhayb is off to try a hand at Ice Hockey so it will be a fight to see who gets the car more me or him. I plan on taking some photos today at their first performance for band so I will post some more soon. Its time to wake the kiddies so I must say tata for now.

Roots

2007-06-29T09:43:00.000-06:00

Remember the movie "Roots"? It came out in 1978 here in the USA and after its airing thousands flocked to libraries and cemeteries and all types of archival places looking for their ancestors. Me I was already doing that. My mother married a man who was Mormon and its a part of their life to look for ancestors. I knew that I was adopted so the book I was helping create was false. It was his family history not mine. I knew that my birth name was Roder and when I was around 14 I did some snooping and found our adoption papers in a trunk my mother had. I found my fathers name was John and he had been born in NY. I had a birth date even and carried that secret copy of the info with me for many years.

What is the chance that a person will stay where they were born? Zilch in most cases but since that was all I had that was all I could go on. Once the Internet became a reality finding people became much easier but it took me over the next twenty years at least before I found even a glimmer. Three years ago I was at work and my oldest daughter called. "Mom I think I found John" . I could not imagine the possibility of finding my father after so many years. She made the call and a bit later called back its him. I got a brief conversation with him on Mothers Day that year and since then I was asked by his step daughter not to contact him again. To not contact the man I had been looking for! I even agreed to paternity testing but no response. I have continued to look and finally last night I found two cousins. I now know the name of my fathers brothers and more on my past. I also finally looked upon the image of the man whom I was to call father. John is on the left and his brother William is the right. I didn't see a connection. DNA will have to tell the truth. I was born to John but I may not be his child. Shame on Mom.

Summer is Here

2007-06-23T09:53:00.000-06:00

Wow, I can't believe that school is finally over. Khadijah and Fatimah were the last to finish and we have until July 9th and Fatimah will begin second grade. We have year round school here they get three weeks off and eight weeks on year round. I think it is great as the learning is retained and we don't have that long summer of "there is nothing to do mom". We didn't get to go to Libya again this summer but we are making plans for next year to go and find land to start a new home with. We plan to allow the first three to finish high school and then we will move to Libya. I know that will affect the two younger girls but hey I can't wait till all of them finish high school I'd be looking at 60 by then.

So what to do for summer here? I tried to plan to take the kids on trips around Colorado and I would love to take them to Mount Rushmore as well but we will see how the money goes. We took our first trip to the Natural History Museum in Denver and didn't get the day like I wanted but we saw most of the exhibits. Taher's back was acting up and he had not eaten breakfast before we left so he was getting grouchy about halfway through. Anyways there was the Titanic exhibit coming in July so I felt we could come again. Forgot the camera but not much to see that most people would feel was great. The largest gold nugget ever found in Colorado was on exhibit but that just reminded me of the gold I wanted and didn't get while I was in Libya.

Next, we went to the Renaissance Festival and it was just me and the kids. Taher didn't go as it was on Saturday and the mountain terrain would have been hard on him. Suhayb was my biggest pain he didn't want to go see a bunch of people living in fantasy land. I told him I needed him to help drive and to help keep and eye on his youngest sister so he had no choice. The kids dressed up (except Suhayb) in costumes and we set off. The drive is just about an hour from our city so we got a nice warm drive. Missed the turnoff for Larkspur and had to go another 3 miles just to turn around. Then a officer directed me away from the fair and I had to stop at a fire station to get directions. We got there around 9:30 and it opened at 10 so we got to see the opening ceremonies of the first day. Hundreds of people dressed up like early England and fairies and knights abound. Not to mention the pirates and wenches and town drunks. Gypsies and the lot.

As we waited for the gates to open we met Prince Charming he was looking for Cinderella all day much to Fatimah's dismay. I told her he would find her probably on the last day. Fatimah had dressed as an arab princess and Suhayl was her body guard. Aieysha was a pirate and Khadijah was a Gypsy. We met the king and queen walking the grounds and introduced Princess Fatimah to them. We told them we were looking for servants for her palace! They suggested the Gypsy camp. Lots of fun there and we took a few pictures it wasn't till I got home I realized that I hadn't taken one of Fatimah or Suhayl. The festival had a jousting match and musical instruments from the period. Some of them were quite unique. The bell piano was one and the hammered dulcimer was so lovely. I have included some pics. The end of our day was joyous when we attended the Puke and Snott show they were adult comedy group that hinted to many topics. While waiting for the show to begin we heard a man scream and he became the laugh of the day. At the top of his voice he screeched IIIIIIII SCREAM. Then he said come and get it. He was the ice cream man. The kids had a blast even the forlorn Suhayb found a fairy that lit his eyes. I got a shot of her and some other young fairies. She is the one in white. He liked her eyes. She reminded me of a young Janel. Next time I want to go to the fair he wont say no. He also rolled with laughter over the jokes of Puke and Snott. The fair runs through July so we will go again. My hubby even said he wanted to go. One day was surely not enough. Our next planned trip is to the Denver Mint. And a return to the Museum to see the Titanic exhibit. Hopefully I will remember our camera!

Catching Up

2007-05-18T08:08:00.000-06:00

Got a few minutes this morning so I decided to stop in an post what has been going on lately.

I'm still happily working with my daughter and her husband and we have gone through at least 15 houses since I last wrote. Tile floors in a laundry room and some bathrooms was one of my favorites lately. I kept telling my son in law that in Libya they do not have grout lines. He kept insisting that they must or the floors would crack. I kept telling him that they mortar them down onto the cement floor and that the tile is far thicker in Libya than here in the USA. Finally I remembered that Khadijah Teri had posted a few recent pics of her house and the wonderful tile floor she had done. Ha ha no grout lines! I told him that I had hand scrubbed my floor while I was there enough to know there was no cracks in my floor and its over 26 years old.
While in the tile store picking up our tile order I saw a beautiful mosaic piece that cost 800 dollars. I started to laugh I was telling him how there was so much broken tile on the ground in Libya that I could start a mosaic tile business with all the free material lying around! OK ladies no getting any ideas.

The kids have begun seeing how much money mom is bringing home and they want in so they all got their work permits and will help us this summer. Wow this year we are down to Fatimah in year-round school. Khadijah is off to Junior High and Aieysha is now going to High School. Now I will be lucky if Suhayb graduates next year ;( Aieysha turned 14 this week and she wanted a Wii for her birthday. How many stores and all were out of them. She was a little disappointed but we told her as soon as we find one we will buy it. Suhayl plans on saving his money to buy a car when he turns 16 next year. At the rate he works he will have money for a good used car for sure. I'm hoping he will go for a truck. The rates are higher but we sure need one. I started putting my paycheck towards repairs on the house. Nice that I can decide what we get fixed and how much is spent. I bought a new security door for the front of the house and by the time I got all the new handles and a fancy touch pad entry lock it was most of my paycheck. I had it put in before the hubby came home! Aieysha went with me to find the door for the house and wanted the high gadget lock. No more keys. Enter a code and the door opens. I laughed and told her I need a fingerprint door for my room!
Hubby came home and baulked at the techno door. I told him he could use his key still he didn't have to push buttons. Darn him and his distaste for technology. And you wonder why we don't have cell phones. Oh well better get a move on its payday so all the teams will be coming in wanting their checks. Got to finish spraying a house we started yesterday. Write when I can. Off to work i go....hi ho hi ho.

Back to Work

2007-03-22T09:26:00.000-06:00

I am sure some of you wonder where I have been lately. I went back to work about two weeks ago. I joined one of my daughters in her husband's family business of repairing houses for resale for government or private individuals.
It is amazing the houses we have done. From ugly ducks to swans in a few weeks time.
I work a full week and come home sore and tired to the bone. Don't let anyone tell you house repair is easy. It can be fun but there is days when you don't want to see another window or caulk behind another toilet that is in a very small room.
One house we are working on now is a newer home that someone came in an vandalized. They broke the patio door and a large picture window. Tore off the wooded stair rails and bashed all the walls on the main floor out with it. Then they used the wood to knock off cabinet doors and broke the toilet off from the upstairs bath. Imagine a two story wall that you need to drywall again.
All the work is getting me into shape for building our home in Libya.
Along the way I have seen some things that you see and say "oh I would love to have that" then when you got to clean it or paint it you realize I am thankful I don't have that. One house had walls that were capped over the kitchen so they formed a ledge and boy did the guys have fun painting the upper areas. The hallway had a very sharp angle that went up almost three stories. And those large walls of windows. Nice but try covering them to paint the walls. Corner bead walls are a pain too. Hard to get edges stright if they are going to be two different colors. And knock down walls are harder to paint than orange peel walls. Think twice if you ever buy a new home and you will be the one to paint it one day. Not to mention those light bulbs that are two stories up!!
After seeing how that poor home was damaged I was thinking how hard it would be to tear up a home that was made of cement blocks and plaster. I am going to get a air compressed powered sprayer for the walls of the courtyard my poor nephew did it by hand while I was in Libya and his arms hurt bad. With a air sprayer it would have been so much easier.

I am hoping to learn more about tile work and maybe some plaster work while I am at this job but in the end it all goes into the database of my knowledge gained in life. If I don't do it at least I will know if they didn't do it right!
Finally! My car will be getting repaired this week. We finally got the parts and they money so we hope to start this weekend on getting it running again. In my off time I am also getting my yard into shape, the flowers are starting to come up and the water ponds are all cleaned out and running again. I need to get a truck so I can remulch the front yard again. Still dry so I am thinking of what to do with the upper lawn. Stones or grass?

Last but not least, the kids are doing better. Fatimah's rash turned out to be strep infection. Suhayb's wounds healed up and he was left with a few blemishes that I hope will fade soon. Aieysha finished Wrestling class and did ok for her first season. She got a ear infection so she missed a few games. Suhayl celebrated his 15th birthday this month too. Funny, we went to order the cake and had wanted the words "Happy 15th ya spaz" written on it. The guy was japaneese and wrote "happy 15th spaz" instead. I think he thought it was his name! We all laughed at the guys looks when we asked him to write it. Last but not least Khadijah did well on her CSAPS exams as usual. I guess maybe I will get lucky and get a few smart kids out of seven. Talk again soon.

Bumps and Scrapes

2007-03-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

How do I begin to tell the day I had! Seems just when you think things are getting better something happens to let you know you are not in control of anything!

Monday started out looking busy but I never dreamed how busy it would be. I had been helping a friend with their taxes and it had spit it back to me for almost two weeks with errors that I could just not figure out. So in desperation I called them to see what my error was. They said her birth date was incorrect. I called and triple checked the info yet it still came back so the lady informed me that we would have to go to the local IRS office. This was last Thursday. We got there and if anyone knows your gonna have a wait. We waited three hours. We finally got our number called only to find out we didn't have a paper she needed. So we had agreed to go on Monday to get it done again. On Friday, my youngest broke out in a rash and I took her to the doctor. They thought it was a rash from something she had eaten. Since the day before was the first day she had been out I called my friend to see if she had eaten anything different while she was there. No. The doctor assured me she would be fine the next day. On Monday, she still had the rash and now it was on her feet and palms. Now the fun began. On Sundays my hubby usually buys the kids a dinner from outside so we had gone shopping and stopped and gotten Chinese food. Monday morning begins and he went to the store to grab milk that we had forgotten on Sundays trips to the store. He got home and readied for work. We drove to get gas and when he went to pay, no credit card! Thankfully he had a check and we went back home to look for his card. Nowhere. We called the market, nope not there. So we began to trace our steps from Sunday. Aha, the Chinese food . There had been a problem with the credit machine, did she give us the card back? Nope.

So since it was on his way we went there hoping it was there and had not been stolen. Thankfully they had it. Dropped him off and headed back to pick up my friend to take her to the IRS again. I had called an set another appointment for my youngest to see the doctor for her rash and we had plenty of time.

Got to the IRS office and the ticket said 228 minutes expected wait. Oh my, that is around the time of her doctor appointment. God must have been listening to our prayers because unlike the prior day they had full staff, (yeah in a government building)! We got out just in time for me to run to my house grab my daughter and drop the friend off and back to the doctor with 20 minutes to spare. The doctor now thinks she has Steven Johnson Syndrome. This is a viral rash that can occur after medications or the onset of an infection. Oh yeah, and I had plans for her to go back to classes on Tuesday. We wrapped up there and headed home. I just pulled up and my younger son runs out to inform me that the neighbor had just taken my older son to the hospital. Great back to the car again. I drove without knowing for sure which hospital to go to but I figured that they went to the closest one. Thankfully that was the one. I met up with them in triage.

My first glance he has a neck brace on and blood everywhere. He had gone for a bike ride with a buddy and had barely gotten two blocks from the house and the chain on the bike broke as he was going down a hill and he trashed out bad. He had a large about three inches circle scraped out of his skull above his ear. His face was trashed on the cheek and his shoulder blade and down his arm and leg, both hands were also damaged. They x-rayed and thankfully no injuries. He had passed out so they said to watch him for concussion symptoms. We finished at the hospital and headed home. Finally I can sit. I dished myself some dinner that the other kids had helped make and I sat in total disarray. Then the phone rang. Honey can you come and pick me up I cant find a ride. So back again to the car.

This morning we kept him home and he wont play this week either. My youngest woke up and began vomiting oh yeah. By the way I was going out for lunch today with a friend. Here are some picks to show all.

Having Some Fun

2007-02-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my son reminded me for the third time he needed a trim. Its still cold but the boys hate to have hair over the ears. I should be thankful that they have grown up. It was not that long ago when he was asking to grow his hair out so he could resemble some guy in his anime programs. Plus all that hair gel makes his hair produce more dandruff! I told him to grab my kit and meet me in the bathroom. I came in a proceeded to pull out the pieces and he put the shawl around his neck and pulled up the garbage can. We began to trim the sides and I always work around and then the top of the head in case they want it longer on the top. Aieysha was teasing and said Mom why don't you do one of those designs on his head like the kids at school? Well by then I was down to a strip down the middle of his head. Hummm, its long enough. Hey he could sport a mohawk. We laughed and decided that we would gel and color it until his dad came home and give dad a shock. When dad walked in the door he was surely shocked. But they wanted to cut it off. Boy they are no fun. I told him he ought to go to school like that to see if anyone noticed him. I laughed and said we could pierce his ears too! Luckily I have good boys. But hey what do you think? Mohawk or no?

He is so much like his father. They say he was the spit of his dad when I visited his family.

I wonder does Libya have salon sinks like here in the USA? If not I will bring one. I hate to have to shower just to wash off the loose hair. My niece bought us a hair trimmer set while we were in Libya so I can cut hair there too. But when its only 1.50$ why should I dirty the house? Here a cut can cost upwards of 10$.

Also here is a photo of the final snow buildup before we finally got some meltdown. The total was around 5 feet. This is a look down my street. Looks like white sand! I am still clearing the snow around my flower gardens.

Spring is in the air as my crocus and grape hyacinth are coming up and I can just see the tops of my irises and tulips. My water ponds are a mess and the kids broke one of my pumps so I need to do some work this year. I let the yard go last year and now I am paying the price. Oh well that's what we have trash day for. But we do have a forecast of more snow this weekend.

Making Some Needed Changes

2007-01-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry I hadn't written in a while. It seems that the weather was taking a toil on me and my marriage. I had been struggling with some issues that needed resolving when I came back from Libya and they finally came to a head last week.
In general, the man I married is a good and wonderful man. Even with his loner attitude he was better than many men of middle east faith than I had ever known. But, he married a woman from another culture and he knew that even if I tried I will never be like the women of his country. After my return and the hassles I had with his family I was determined that even though things were not the best the first time that I was willing to move back to his country to provide our children with the best life we can give them.
I came back angry with him. I tried to express how I felt only to be told he didn't want to hear about it. I began planning a new house design and when we should plan on returning to his homeland only to be met with indifference with him and total refusal by my children. The constant snowfall here didn't help either. Now I see how some people can go stir crazy very easily in such situations. We are now on our sixth straight week of snowfall with very little reprieve from the cold. This week we get hit from the north and south and are again looking at not one but two possible days of moderate snowfall. Today we have 18 degrees and tomorrow a high of 7!
Anyways back to my most pressing issue. For years my husband has been gradually removing us from society. We do not visit anyone, nor do they visit, a friend who is one of my dearests is my only outlet to the world beyond my house. My car has yet to be repaired and he seemed to not care that it needed to be. So I began to play the "arab wife" card on my husband in an attempt to get him to straighten up. I refused to do anything that a normal woman of the ME would never do. Like unplug a kitchen sink or fix something that had broken. Sorry to offend any sister out there but I have seen how you live and I cannot do it. Not here. In the ME you have people who visit, family who can be called upon and your life may be bland but it can be tolerated. Here if you are secluded from people spending your day with cleaning a house that never seems to stay that way or is so clean that you dust daily just to have something to do, is dangerous to my health. I have friends who live like that and they are miserable. But they remain the quiet and obedient loving arab wife. But remember he didn't marry an arab wife.
So in a final desperate attempt I left my home and went to a friends home for the weekend. The following Monday I called him and told him I wanted a seperation. He was devastated and begged to talk it out. I finally agreed and we spent many hours going over what I felt was wrong with our life. What had happened to the man I had married and the goals we had set in our long talks in the mosque some 20 years ago. Like never teaching our kids his native tongue how just that may have made our trip that much more tolerable alone. How he had begun to work so much that we never saw him and if we did it was to say goodnight. As he said I hit him with a ton of bricks and even though we just scratched the surface he realized that so much had gone wrong in our life that if we didn't act now all the money in the world would not save the most important thing we had....our family.
I agreed to give our marriage another try and to work at undoing all the things that have led us to where we are. This week we are checking into Karate classes for the kids as they had done it when they were smaller and it was a girl friendly activity that everyone could feel good about. Aieysha wanted to try out for girls wrestling but the issue of how to keep from losing her hijab came up and she finally agreed to try Karate with the rest of the kids. Tomorrow we have a private lesson to see where the kids could be placed and Dad amazingly is going with us! Its his day off and he told me he was going with us. Boy I sure hope this lasts.
I looked at our life and saw how my children have no connection to our community even though it is huge. They never pray unless he is in a nasty mood and orders the kids to pray thus causing resentment with them. It to them was why do we pray yet when a holiday is here we do nothing but sit at home? I told him again that it was his duty as the oldest son to be caring for his parents in their elderly years and how can we not take care of them, and when we are old expect our sons to do the same when he has ignored them and their daily lives for so long. I told him that he was needed to talk to his sons about growing up and someday looking for wives. Did he want his sons to marry christian women? How about his daughters when we have no contact with the community how are they to find good husbands? He didn't want them spending their days with kids from school but he never made it possible for them to spend time with others of our faith. We were failing as parents and I could no longer do it alone.
Finally, I told him returning to his homeland may not be perfect but at the end of the day when no one else cares your family is all you have. We were alone here as he had alienated me from my two daughters and my remaining family aside from a brother was not worth our efforts. So to take the kids and be near his family was the only logical path to take. I know it would not be easy starting over but what we had to lose was far greater.
Some may say I am crazy for even trying. Stay here in the states where I have a greater say over our lives as some people feel that I would loose that in a ME country. But as I look to the TV and the papers I see how more and more we are viewed as a threat to the US and how this plays on the minds of me and my family. I have lately seen families who have been here for years suddenly be torn apart by new immigration laws and sudden interest in people who were no threat before removed at the whim of local government. My husband is not a citizen so he is just as vulnerable as they are. If diplomacy with Libya were to suddenly change how will people here be affected by those changes? So as the hairs on my neck are rising I am planning for possible changes. The internet is full of people with radical ideas on how to deal with "Muslims". Look to the senator Barak Obama who is running now for president. He was a muslim as a child but his mother raised him later as another faith. Senator Hillary Clinton took a cheap shot and brought up the "muslim" card in recent debates. How bad would the US be if a former muslim was president? By the way he is also black. Most people feel the US is in need of change and a woman or a black person is high on the list as possible changes. Since Oprah Winfrey will not run and solve the problem with one shot we may see many attempts made to devalue the abilities of Obama. Are americans so afraid of us? I spend alot of time on the myspace religion forum and it seems that people fear that we will one day take over the US and establish a Sharia law here. That would be nice but with all our secular fighting even if we did get a muslim to run for office we would back bite him till he was no better a choice than any other.
But back to my family. I am still sitting at home but the idea of Karate class is at least a start. I need something to do. He offered to let me go back to school but I don't know what to study. Real Estate is slow so that is not a good option at the time. The house needs many repairs that he just began to fail to give me the money to fix and now we need hundreds to fix the house. The market is slow and without the repairs we would not get a good price. If we wanted to leave the house for the chance that we would return then we need to make that plan too.
For the first time in many years we sat on the same couch and sat with a few of the kids and watched a TV program together. It was nice to sit and laugh together. This is how it is supposed to be. Quality family time is so important and since Aieysha was born he had forgotten that. He had stopped spending time with us and in the end he almost lost me and the kids. I'm willing to give it another try. In Islam you just don't divorce rashly but he has been given a severe warning. I didn't have the luxury of my brother or family stepping in to help me or to give me a place to go but he knows that I can make it without him. I know I have some things to work on myself I know I am far from perfect to but I am willing to do that for my family. Regardless of what we decide to do it will be a joint decision and we will begin to do it now, not next week but today. We lost to many days already. And just as the spring always comes, things will hopefully get better and our relationship will bloom again. With Valentines Day a few weeks away a few fresh flowers would not hurt either. But he knows I prefer to plant a bush rather than have a bunch of cut flowers that last a few days and with all the snow I guess I could be happy with some seed packages that we can plant in the yard.
Finally you may wonder why I discuss this here? Well as you can tell by most of my blog I am pretty straight forward. I try to show it like it is. We all write about how we wish it was. I know many good friends who are sitting in my same seat but their circumstances keep them where they are just as mine kept me where I was for so long. I know they will do what they feel best. Maybe they will tell their husband about what I wrote and he may think twice. And if you are a man you will look to what I wrote and hope that none of what I said rings true in your own life.

Drinking Ice Water can cause Death? Mythbuster Idea!

2007-01-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

Here's the answer to a funny problem I had to deal with while I was in Libya. I don't know how many days I had a family member throw a fit over me and my kids drinking water that was ice cold or had ice in it. I was told it could kill you and my logical brain said "I have never heard such a big bunch of baloney". Once I came back to the US I decided to talk to some people about the possibility of that actually occurring and in what circumstance could it actually happen. I remember even reading it in the Tripoli Post a article written by an Imam saying that it could cause instant death and people should refrain from it. I thought oh my even the Imams are crazy!
I posted the question to WebMD and here is what they said and some other information I read the same day may pose some greater health risks than drinking ice cold water.
WebMD said that unless the person was in a state of hypothermia (low body temperature) or severe dehydration they saw no reason that drinking cold water could harm a person. One interesting subject I did find was drinking too much distilled water was now found to be hazardous to your health! Seems as the all important mineral sodium is removed from the water and drinking large amounts can cause the brain to swell. This was found in athletes who drank bottled water in excess of actual water loss after exercise. It thinned the blood and caused the brain to swell. The study went on to say that drinking safe water full of the natural minerals was better and actually connected to longevity! Our bodies need many of the minerals that bottled water removes. As long as it is free of bacterias that can cause illness we are better off drinking our tap water. Here is one site for more info on this subject www.ionizers.org/distilled_water.html
I have searched the internet looking for articles relating to death by drinking cold water and yet to see any. If anyone has a link I would love to run it by these medical professionals. Seeing as most people of Middle Eastern countries are buried quite rapidly an autopsy is not likely to have been done and had the person just happened to be drinking cold water when it happened I can see how the link could be associated with the water. But I fear that it is not likely the culprit of someones demise. Finally as one doctor said, "You don't see too many resturaunts wheeling out dead bodies from drinking the cold water they were served". Myth busted. So to my fellow friends drink and enjoy!

Spreading Good Works

2007-01-08T16:19:00.000-07:00

How often around the holidays do we see charities asking for donations. Most of us are hammered with requests and many are wary about the companies that ask for donations. I have a good friend on the MySpace Religion Forum that is in need of help. Donations are welcome but there are other ways you can help her organization. Call a friend or write a note maybe you know someone who knows someone and that can go a long way to helping her.
Her organization matches children living in Argentina with deformaties such as clef palate to get needed surgeries to save their lives. These children are the most neediest as if they did not receive this surgery they will die.... Plain and simple.
She has been able to network and get doctors and nurses and people of all medical professions to donate time and services to her organization. This year a building has been donated that can become the first Operating Theater for these children allowing them to get services that they may otherwise not get. Before they had to rely on local hospitals to provide surgery rooms and with the new building if it is made ready would free up additional funds that could serve even more kids.
Don't have money now, most of us are getting by but as she says we surely have more than some of these kids do. How can you help? Visit her site and see if you can help in any way. Least of all make a link to her site. Spread the word. Someone reading your blog could know someone who knows someone, get it!
Spread a Good Work will you. Thanks I hope everyone does that visits my page.

Here is the link to her site: http://www.myspace.com/aestheticargentina

I guess its Eid

2006-12-31T09:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of Eid. We sat home as usual while hubby went to work. Today is Sunday. I'm on the computer, as if I don't get on before 10 am I am hounded until I let the kids have their turn. One just came in an informed me they would give me some more time as they were eating breakfast. Anyways may everyone else have a pleasant holiday. Mine is as usual. Bye probably till next year.

Its 23 degrees outside

2006-12-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

This morning it began snowing again. They are telling us up to a foot and a half of snow by Thursday. Here's the pics of the snow so far.

This is the view out my back door.

My front window.

The window on the covered side of the house seems to be deeper that's about 7 inches on top of old paint cans that are five gallons and they are nearly covered now. So I guess unless it warms up we will have a white holiday. I would rather be in sunshine.

Here is the update unless you have world news you may have missed that we are now under 2 ft. of snow and it is still growing! So not only am I home with five kids but hubby gets to spend another day home. Here is some more photos

This is out my back door. See the split rail fence that comes to my waist and the top rail is 2 feet above the lawn. With the blowing snow its not level but we are reporting 26" in Aurora as of the reports this morning.

This is my poor neighbors truck we will be shoveling him out I am sure. The snow has drifted to just about cover the front of his truck. Here's another.

Remember the paint buckets? They are vanished now. I can reach out my window and scoop up the snow.

All the city and county are closed and most business are trying to decide who will open and who does not have enough employees to cause them to stay closed. The airport will not even open again until 7 pm today. I'm sure not too many people planned to spend their holiday in the airport the count was 4,700 people last night. State National Guard was sent out last night to rescue people trapped on the various highways coming out of the mountains. For the first time in many years chains were required on Arapahoe Road again. I don't know if my friend got home who lives off of C-470 but I am sure she has disaster plans for her daughter. I can't even go get her! Finally the last time we had this much snow it melted and the ditch that is behind our property flooded from fencepost to fencepost as we are the lowest lying house along it. Never made it into the yard as it is uphill by about another foot so I was thankful but I did take videos in case I needed to call the insurance man. Too all of you out there who read my blog. Wishing you a happy and safe New Year. Rain, Snow or Sunshine may you all be blessed in the coming year.

What a difference a day makes! It stopped snowing around 2 pm in my neck of Aurora. We came in with 26 inches of snow not including the drifts. Then the fun began. My husband had gone out to get some milk just as the storm was going into full swing and got stuck in the lower half of the drive with the knowledge that if people did get out they could hit the car we all went out and helped clear the driveway so he could pull the car up. We made a walking path for the mailman as the city requires and went in. My hubby always refuses to listen and in winter especially I worry he will injure his back again. I had to give him a big massage in the evening to calm his back down. Thankfully this morning he can move. He called into work and found a human voice so guess that means he's going into work. The airport is still digging out so they can be back to normal. The malls are all still closed til Saturday I can see the stores, even if I wanted to, I'm not going out it will be insane. Guess I am stuck home at least till after Christmas. I hear Eid is coming I saw something on the Internet. My hubby didn't seem to care much when I reminded him. I guess we will do as usual stay home maybe get pizza from the local bakery. Sadly I took most of my games to Libya and left them there I'm a big board games junkie and all I have left here is Scrabble, Boggle and Risk besides a Monopoly Pokemon version. I do have a deck of cards or I can go through my videos again. Even most of my arts and crafts stuff is there, I was planning ahead so there would be less to bring next visit.
Time to go my little one is up and her sugar is 57 so I need to make sure she eats breakfast and gets her insulin. The roads must be passable if you get to the main roads as I haven't had hubby walk back home yet! I will try to get a few more pics before its gone. It's 25 degrees and the sun is shining! Next is the floods of water that turn to ice blocks at night.

Update: Weather Service has issued a Winter Storm Warning for the Northeast Plains. This storm shall bring high winds and heavy snows over much of the state. Travel in and out of the state may be canceled.
So here it is Wednesday and we are expecting more snow by Thursday. Another 12-18" is what they are shooting for. So yesterday I got the chance to go out and take a look at the state of the local area. Not bad if you don't mind the snow pack that makes it hard to tell where the sidewalks are. Oh, there the mountains that the bus people are standing on or in front of on the streets. No one cares to clean them. The city is still trying to get the streets clean so the sidewalks will have to wait. Watch out for people standing in the street. Another worry is the path can disappear quickly so beware. You are traveling 75 down Parker Road on your way to work suddenly the three lane becomes two lanes and you got a large truck next to you and a person standing in the street waiting for the bus. Thankfully I drive 25 when it is like this. Then the parking lots. Oh yes I had to go to a store. The water was pooling in one area and cars were trying to determine if they should go through. The jeep in front of me went through OK so I took a leap of faith. Thanks to four-wheel drive I made it through the maze of ice blocks and water. We went into the store and the shelves are eerily nude of items. The local grocery was low on just about everything. But I got a 24 pack of toilet paper and some milk to cover the next few days. I took a small jaunt to Lowes (home improvement store) and wandered around the tile and bath departments. I was getting idea booklets for my home in Libya. The glass doors are pretty but I saw better ones in Tripoli and they probably cost much less. At least in our eyes they do. I got a wonderful pamphlet on glass block for showers and walls. Oh I think I remember seeing some in Tajura. I wonder if it is more cost effective than concrete for a wall?
OK, back from my daydreams. Being indoors for over two weeks is making me batty. I did get a chance to go out but with 5 dollars in my pocket it wasn't the same. I was almost out of gas so I needed it just in case. I had asked him for a check to write the co-pay for the doctor and he just replied have him bill me.
Got back around 4 pm and the kids had not even fixed Fatimah some lunch. The neighbor was out trying to clear the snow around his truck but it had a flat tire and I told him that if the city came through they would likely bury his truck so to wait. A few hours later we got a snow plow through. We were elated. Oh yeah I forgot they are city drivers. He dropped his blade about one inch onto the snow and moved a few inches. I guess he was checking the depth? No he skimmed past us as we looked on in disbelief. He went to the end of the block and I have no idea if he did anything there. The cars on the end will be covered till June at this rate. He came back as I headed up towards him and we watched in continued amazement as he pushed a mound of snow about three inches. One that didn't even need to be touched. And if he had covered the drive it was for the house of a single woman so all the neighbors would have to be out there helping her remove it. He touched nothing else and disappeared around the corner of the block. So much for removal! We have two drainage ditches on the block that if we don't want ice blocks we have to keep clear you would have thought he would have scraped near them to allow water to drain, no, sorry I lost my head again. City worker. So even though we can get in and out if you have four wheel drive or a truck that is. We were alone again. I went inside and the weather reports started. I called hubby and told him we were expecting another storm and told him we should double check for needed items just in case it gets that bad again. His car is on E and mine is still out of commission, so I suggested he get gas tonight as there were shortages of gas in the area. He sat down and turned on the TV. I guess that is a good excuse not to have to work? Sorry boss I'm out of gas. I guess he can blame it on me for using his gas to take Aieysha to the doctor.
I found the house payment envelope on the dash and looked at it. I was going to take it to the bank for him and I saw that there was no check inside. When he got home I asked him about the payment. Yes, he knows its in his car. Yes, but the payment was due December 1st, no later than December 18th or late payment. No, that's the bill for next month. No, its not check again. Now he is angry and goes outside to the cold air and checks the bill. For once I am right as I can hear him bitching in the other room. Sorry not my fault I replied, I don't pay the bills anymore remember. Well why is it late? Remember we didn't get a statement last month because we were a month ahead and I called twice to get one so we could stay that way. We finally got it but he thought it was for January. No, remember I told you the bill was for December! So today is what the 26th? Late payment huh! I told him you know we could have done something else with that money!!! He always pulls that one on me.
Suhayb came up and asked for a game for Eid. Yeah right. AS if he will buy anything. His reason he didn't study. Good excuse dad lets see what you come up with for the others. Alright I am still ranting. But as I told the phonegirl at his job. I have been in the house for weeks and no money to spend and santa still didn't leave me a present.
I mentioned to him how Libya was not allowing for "New Years" celebrations this year. He told me that Libya has never celebrated the New Year. Well if they didn't why would they ban something that wasn't being done? Oh and I mentioned that they celebrate Christmas there too. He shouted no they do not! Ok then why do I have a picture of his sister standing next to a pine tree that is decorated with garland and balls? Humm must be some other strange holiday that uses decorated trees? He got angry and tossed the picture. He asked who was this sister. I told him he didn't say much after that. Its going to be a long winter.
I'll keep you posted with pics if I can. With this much snow and hardly any melting I worry that power can be lost. I would just loose Internet if the phones went down, but I would not have a electric source for long either. I have my camp stoves and oil lanterns and wood is around the house too. So don't fear I will make do. Its a few more days and the kids go back to school. Maybe then the city will clear the roads.

Hard Decisions

2006-12-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

What do you do when it seems no one but you wants to do something? I want to return to live in Libya but my children have various levels of refusal. I can only attribute it to our previous visit and how many things could have been different. I try to tell them how we can prepare better so we don't have as many problems as we did when we were there before, but I still am met with refusals.

My family was military and we moved so much in my life that I thought moving was normal. So after I married Taher I moved only six more times. We finally got a home when I was pregnant with Suhayl as no place in town had three to four rooms for rentals. As a result all the kids have grown up in one home, never knowing the heartache of having to say goodbye to friends and places you love. I try to tell them that life can be what we make of it, and that moving can be an adventure as well as hard to do. Yes, saying goodbye to people you have known all your life and a home that has so many memories is not easy. I remember days where I would have never sold my house now I would sell it in a heartbeat if the market was better.
I have even offered to allow the kids to decorate the rooms as they would like. My girls have a yellow room a nice sunny yellow with a white picket fence that surrounds the room, a bench with potted vines graces it sides. One one wall I have a vine arbor that waits for you to enter. Behind the picket is flowers like an English garden and golden bees flit around the flowers. Its one of my better achievements. The room took five days to paint and I had to stop on the final wall as my hubby wanted to get the beds back in the room. That was OK because on that wall I put my daughters bed and covered it with a iron arbor and use tulle and silk flowers to make a spring garden over her bed. I love the room.
So in Libya, Khadijah wants to finish that theme with a seasonal cover for her bed and decorations to match. Can I find decorations in Libya or will I need to bring some things with me? Aieysha wants a music inspired room with a scroll of notes of her favorite song along the wall. Maybe a few bars as I will begin to see notes in my dreams after that! I want to make a stage area for her drum set where she can practice her drums and I want to grace the room with instruments from all over the world. I have a bunch that I got at World Imports here. Suhayb finally asked if he could have a Hockey inspired room. Sure I had seen one done on Extreme Home Makeovers that I thought was real cute for a small boy I would just need to adapt it for a bigger guy.
Regardless of these ideas, the kids still do not want to move to Libya. So what is a parent to do. I tell them so what there is many times I didn't want to move in my life but life isn't always what we want. What about their father, he needs to come back and take care of his parents and as he even says "what goes around comes around", so he needs to do his share.
So as I sit depressed so many days this month, I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Should I force the kids to do as we wish? They are citizens of both countries and can always return to the USA when they are older. Sometimes I hate being in the US so much but that is me. Maybe if I could get him to move to a farm out in the middle of nowhere I would feel better. Since I never see anyone anyways what would be different! I don't know I guess I will have to continue to work this out. Lets see what next summer brings for now and then go from there. Ladies or Gents any suggestions on what you would do?

Thanks for Snow Days "Ode to Khadijah Teri"

2006-12-01T07:47:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I commented to Khadijah that I would rather be in the sun than the snow. She noted me back that she missed the snow and I promised her I would post the next snow day in photos. So here is my snow day yesterday. Enjoy Khadijah I didn't....

By the way except for some bruises no one was injured..but my car!! My son who just got his license was bring his brother home from school. And hit a sheet of ice and landed in this nice ladies yard. Took out three sections of a split rail fence and nearly punctured the radiator of my car. See the log sticking out of my grill. Today we see a doctor and wait to hear from our insurance agents.

Preparedness

2006-11-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

Doing a favor for a site that I found to be full of information. Ladies and Gents check out www.preparedpantry.com they have a free ebook full of great recipes that use products from food storage. They also carry a full line of food storage products. I would love to see if we could get shipments! When I get back to Libya next summer I will see. They may be a good alternative to the "gift box from home". Plus all their products are made for long term storage. I am checking into canning recipes as well. A followup letter from the company wonders what products we would most be interested in? They ship USPS. Feel free to message me and I can ask for you about certain products. Be prepared ladies....

A Womans Right

2006-11-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

OK, another day of rants....Why is it that an American woman does not get the same rights her Arab sister counterparts do? How many sisters do I know that did not even get a decent wedding or a reasonable dowry when they married.
There was a trend for many years here in the USA for Muslim men to marry women from the USA. Most sadly end in divorce yet some remain. What are the differences that separate us for our sisters in other countries.
Family- many of us have bad relationships or none or lose family when we convert or marry our husbands.
Culture- either we have none or we give it up for a "Islamic" upbringing for our children.
Religion-most convert to Islam but not all and if so we know that our children shall be raised Muslim so our faith is put on the back burner.
Traditions-much like our faith is brushed aside as being a "kuffur" belief so we leave our traditions behind.
Lastly the idea of Dowry...how many men married us because we could be "bought" cheaply? Most of us have no idea of dowry and later we feel somehow cheated out of something that was our right.
In America we work along side of our husbands most of our marriage, raise our children and take care of our homes, while our counterparts sit at home and the men provide. Our earnings are put into that joint account and used to pay the increasing debts we make as our families grow. Yet somehow I wonder what happened to "a woman's money is her own" ideal that Islam teaches. OK so now I am ranting...How many of you ladies feel the same at one point or another? You work and raise the kids and clean the home all by ourselves and give the paycheck over to the "family" yet at the end of the day you have nothing for yourself.
I've worked since I was 17, and never had the luxury of spending the money solely on myself. It always had to pay the bills. Now I look back and yes I can see sometimes when I squandered money (Theresa will remind me) but in general all my spending went to my children or my home. Very little went to enjoying the money I earned such as a lunch out or movie with a friend.
I tell you this as until earlier this year I pretty much wore the pants in the family and the bank account and credit cards were under my control. I paid all the bills and managed the house and the food and clothing needs for my children so when something was "wrong" I was the one who got blamed. I have worked a fair share in the 20 yrs I have been married but looking back I wonder what went wrong. After many years of it being my fault that we could not go overseas I turned all the money and the bills and the needs over to my husband. We made plans to go visit his family and he told me the only way he saw that we could go was if he was in control of our finances. So against my better judgement I let him. I was to go over first with the kids and he would join us as soon as possible he needed to set up a few things first. He is paid by sales so we needed a buffer for while we were away. As you all know, he never came over. Well, I am back now and before we left I turned all the accounts to him. Now I have no funds unless he gives it to me. Now I have to account for why I want something, why the kids need something and yet when a bill comes that he doesn't understand, who has to call and solve the problem?
I know of no Arab sister who has to do this. Most of the ladies I know were given lavish weddings, honeymoons and a trip to the USA to boot and lavish homes to come to. They spend their days at home, or out with friends. Visiting or shopping...What is this shopping! How, they don't work so where do they get money from? Oh, from their husbands! Wow they get money to spend how they wish each month. This does not include the fact that hubby buys all the groceries and provides for the kids so her money is her own to spend, filling her closet with so many clothes that even a walk-in isn't enough. So you see where I feel we lost out. I never had a wedding party, I was married in work clothes. A store bought cake by a witness was our wedding meal and then home to my apartment. I never had a honeymoon and until this year never went any place. As for dowry, I was told I could ask for anything but hey he was living in the mosque so what could he give me? So I asked for a ring. I was bought for $750. Over the years going to a friends house has become non existent and we rarely socialize. He works and I spend my days with the kids. My family left me many years before, dysfunctional was not what I wanted my children to learn. As for traditions, what I had were Christian so they were out the door, I was converted but had no idea how to celebrate a "Muslim" holiday. So we never learned....when we finally needed to get a house instead of an apartment I was told I needed to work if I wanted a house. Would a Arab sister take this? NO. The house would have been built before their marriage or she would be living in a home with extended family. Yet, I agreed. Here in the USA we all must work for what we feel we "need". So here I am after 20 yrs of sharing my income to pay bills asking for money. Why? What happened to our rights? A woman has a right to be kept in a manner of which she was accustomed. A right to a dowry and a right to a home and to be provided for by her husband. But we American women are bought cheaply. We have miserly husbands, we shop with little funds, we live in places we long outgrew and in clothes that are barely substantial. We who must convince our husband why we need something, yet we stay on. Why to benefit our children? I was told by my husband that my dowry was with his parents and that when we went to Libya I would have it. Yet when I was there I was given nothing from his parents. A sister gave me a small ring and his brother gave me a ring for my birthday just before I left. Yet my sister-in-laws had many bracelets and even my mother in law sported a few on the one wedding she went to. So where was my dowry? Even the "home" that his father had built for his beloved son was empty. I had a bed set that was my in laws and a few cushions for the floors. No dishware, no linens, no applainces or bedding. Would an Arab woman have accepted this? I doubt it. So why do we? For the future promises? How many years have I been told we would move to a larger home, now that all our debts are paid off where is the money he earns. He goes to the store and buys things that had I bought I would have been scolded for buying. I must ask for everything from him. I have suggested getting gift cards for me so I have money just a set amount. Yet none are forthcoming.....Yesterday an old friend called me asking if her daughter could stay with us for a night while she went skiing. Sure I would love to take her. I had watched this girl since she was a 3 yr old. While we chatted she mentioned a lady that she worked with was needing a sitter for two small kids. She knows that I hadn't done daycare since her daughter turned 6 but she asked if I would be interested. I'm home all day now, as with the split schedules the kids have the youngest are home too often and not old enough to be alone, so working outside the home is out. My house is not quite what it use to be but the idea was interesting. She was offering 800 a month. I spoke to my husband about it, his answer was if you want to do it and the money could buy your tickets for next year! Sure pay my own way to visit his family again and start the plans for our new home. Some days I wonder if I will live alone in Libya. The kids have mixed feelings about going there to live and he shows little interest in going some days. Those plans I have drawn for a six bedroom home may not be needed. I tell the kids Libya is growing and with the changes it will get better all the time. I read an article on how Qaddafi is trying to find out how all those government officials are having so much money yet the facilities they are in charge of are suffering. He has given them two months to account for their funds. I'm sure a few heads will roll. (I hope not literally). I would steer him towards the zoo for one.. When I finally got a chance to take the kids there I was saddened by the conditions there. Mostly empty cages and the animals that were there were pretty sad looking especially the baboons...So if he would like tourism he needs to focus on these areas also the issue with trash dumping as Khadijah mentioned. So do I feel better yet? NO this is one of my oldest rants. I thought when I finally got to go overseas I would have my promised dowry, yet I came home empty handed. I have a house and a car (of which my son drives now to school) so I should be thankful. Am I? Yes and no, I am thankful that I do have a home as many here have less. And no, in that I was cheated out of a right that all my sisters are entitled too. I can only make sure that my daughters do not get less than what they should. I am not greedy, but that ring would not cover even one months needs if something were to happen to my husband. So I am prepared..not with money but the ability that I can work to take care of myself if I need. Something that my fellow arab sisters do not have...Your comments are welcome..I know this has been a moody week for me...I know I'm not the only one who feels this way so brothers if you are reading this heads up. Look back onto your life with your converted wife and ask yourself did she get what she would have had she been Arab....then go buy her some flowers and give her a kiss and tell her thanks...you got off cheaply.

Holiday Blues

2006-11-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like your life is nothing that you wanted it to be? Some days I spend remembering my childhood. Not that it was perfect, by many peoples standards it was pretty lousy. I try to not dwell on those days but the memories of the good ones. Birthdays, Christmas mornings, Halloween trick-or-treats, Thanksgiving Day dinners and Easter. How many of us have a fond memory that we retain of those days?
When I became Muslim I was barely 22 yrs old. I was recently divorced and my two daughters were living with their dad (that's another book in itself). I lost most of my family when I converted and kept some contact with aunts or uncles mostly on my fathers side. My fondest memories are of small things. Finding that one last Easter Egg down Grandmothers blouse, blowing out candles on my 16Th birthday cake, a pregnant hobo for Halloween costume and the pajamas we all got on Christmas Eve to dress in so we would look nice the next morning when mom was taking our photos. Those are the days I choose to remember.
So, lately I have been quite depressed. I returned back to the USA about two months ago now and most of my day is spent thinking of how soon I can go back. I married when I was Muslim about four years, and my husband had lived in the USA about 6 years by then. He had given up on celebrating Holidays as except for Ramadan meals with local brothers their were no families to spend the days with. By the time I came along he was starting to build a nice "rut" to live in. My daughters did not live with me so I never had holidays or birthdays to share. We were married Oct 3, and our first holiday together with my family was Thanksgiving. My family invited us to share the day with them. As usual mom and I prepared the meal for the day and the men sat in the living room watching a football preview. Things went pretty well until the meal prayer. Now you need to know that my family was in no way religious but two times a year Dad would say a prayer. One at Thanksgiving and one at Christmas dinner. Everything went smooth until Dad blessed the meal in the name of Jesus (pbuh). My husband mumbled something under his breath and hardly ate a bite of the meal. I apologised and later asked him why he had not eaten. He was angry that Dad had referred to Jesus (pbuh) when blessing the meal. OK, so next time I will ask Dad to just say "thank God". Next holiday was Christmas. This is also the day that the US Government says my husband has a birthday. He does not agree but who are we to argue? Anyway, the meal went smoothly as I reminded Dad to please just thank "God". But as the day wore on family came in and out and the fun of spending the day with relatives began to eat at hubby. He was brooding in the kitchen. My aunt asked me what was wrong. I told her well he may be missing his family and it was also his birthday. My aunt decided to solve his problem. She walked into the kitchen and asked him to stand up. She sat down and grabbed him quickly and pulled him over her lap and began to spank him (birthday spanks), boy did his face go red. He was later telling me that no one had ever touched him but me and his mom and he was embarrassed. Later he got use to my unusual aunt!
Finally, a few months later we moved to Colorado. Here there are no families. In the beginning we never celebrated the Ramadan or Eids as he said they were for kids. I went to the mosque and served dinners during Ramadan until my first son was born. Then it became "they are too young", quickly followed by "they don't want to go tramping in mud to kill a lamb", and now we are at "if mom does something we celebrate it" stage. I tried to make the holidays something. One year going for traditional ideas and the next using ideas from my pasts. None really stuck. Not if Dad is never home. And the ideas the community come up with are geared more towards the younger set.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving, a day by which I have always tried to keep. Not for anything more than it is the one day when I can fix a "comfort" dish. Leave home and you will know what I mean by a "comfort dish". I started the day trying to find out when or if we would go shopping for computers on Friday. You know how we have those GIANT sales the day after. We had promised the kids a few computers and there was a sale that was good on them. But he was moody so I saved most of the discussion for later in the day. The night before I had injected the turkey with some butter and a mix of seasonings and placed it in the fridge. So by 11 am I pulled it out and started the cooking. Hubby made his famous mashed potatoes and I got out dishes for olives, salad and gravy's. A small dish of stuffing and we were set. I had recently got rid of two dining chairs and pushed the table down to a table for four, so we put a table cloth on the living room floor and placed the food on the table. We all sat together on the floor except Suhayb, who wanted to be close to the food. I wonder why? Well except for one we were all eating at the same time in the same place. A rare occurrence anymore. It was nice. No one was joining us this year. I had asked a friend who was recently divorced but she had plans so it was just us. We all sat and ate our meals in relative quiet. Nothing like the dinners of my youth. We finished and I gathered up the dishes and put what I could in the dishwasher. The rest sat on the table til early evening. By then all the turkey was gone but a few small strips of dark meat. I put away the leftover gravy, potatoes and olives and cleaned up the kitchen. Thanksgiving was over. Now you all know that just as soon as you put it all away someone comes in hungry. So, Aieysha made a second round for the leftovers.
About ten pm, I asked my hubby again what time did he want to go shopping. The stores open at 5 am and if you are not there by 4 am, you can pretty much forget getting something high on the list of wanted items. He said set the clock as I wanted and wake him in the morning. 3:30 am, and the house is quiet. I got up and dressed and went into the living room to wake my hubby. He was on the couch. He grumbled, no one had let him sleep all night and they had been up and down the stairs all night. OK, so sleep a bit more. At 4am, I walked into the living room again and sat down on the couch. After what seemed like an eternity he got up and dressed. We got into the car and headed for Best Buy. Laptops for 279.00$ a deal. We got close and I knew in my heart I needed to forget it. Thousands of cars were parked in the lot and the lines of people stretched til the main road. They even had cars parking in the Home Depot lot across the street. Hubby has a bad back so standing even 10 minutes would have made him a bear. So I turned around and headed home. Went inside and took off my clothes and crawled back into my still warm bed. At 9 am I woke again and after the kids woke up I decided to take a drive to the new shopping mall. Best Buy was out sorry. I headed to Ulta cosmetics and looked to see if they had my favorite perfume in a gift set. Sorry and the cheapest bottle was 26$. I looked at a beautiful makeup set and thought of my nieces in Libya how they may love a set like this one. It was 21$, and I could get a set of Hurricane lanterns as a free gift. Oooohhh tempting. But this was the only money I have had all week so I was not to spend it foolishly. I remembered seeing a World Import Market down the block and walked down the block with all but Suhayb in tow. He didn't want to go, he wanted to go home (sound familiar). The kids had stopped into the Pet store next door and had to show me all the birds. Yep their lovely but we have 5 so no thanks. It was a bit windy so we hurried down to the Market. Once inside I wandered around the store, browsing at this and that along the isle. OOhhh look at the Indian style jewelry! Look at the musical instruments from all over. Lets try the xylophone! Cool but the big one is 300$. Next time. Back to bedding, oh how I would love a room that looked like that! Beautiful bedding all nicely done. Yeah with five kids sure, on to the dishes. None that caught my eye. The herd was getting restless, Fatimah needed the bathroom no sooner than we walked in and the others were getting bored too. Why can a mother never have a few minutes to herself and her daydreams. Aieysha found a few stuffed animals that are magnetized and she wanted to buy a few. She had her money so ok. Fatimah was getting noisy so I told Suhayl to take her to the car. And Khadijah and I waited for Aieysha to finish her purchases.
Suhayb pulled up the car and we were ready to go. Fatimah had saved up 40$ and wanted a game so we had looked in one store and 30$ was high and we knew we could find a used one. So I dropped everyone off at the house, and Fatimah, Kahdijah and I headed to the game store near by. Yes, they had a used copy at 26$. So now she is excited and wants to leave. But wait mom wants to look at the movies. Hey a copy of "One flew over the cuckoos nest". A classic on my movie list for only 9.95$. I could also get Patriot and Titanic on DVD for 20$ for the three. Hum, in Libya I would have paid 5$ maybe, so no not today.
At home I had downloaded a program where you can see what a room looks like with different paint on the walls. The kitchen always looked good in grey but cover up my stencils? Nope not yet. The outside is what needs it the most. I had Suhayb go outside and take another picture of the house and bring it in and load it while I was gone. Now to play with the program. We tried on many colors until we came up with Storm cloud Grey for the doors, Camouflage green for the base and white for trim it looks nice, but we will wait for daddy to decide. So I saved the photos for later. I guess my day is more Grey than Blue.....I miss holidays with family...Next year maybe...

Hijab or Niqba?

2006-11-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

With recent news from European countries trying to ban the use of the Niqba in public places such as banks, I wonder what those of you out there think? I spend some time in the religion forum of Myspace and this topic makes it rounds quite often. One young woman insisted that we were oppressed sex slaves of men and that is why we cover. Sadly she felt it was better to bare all in society than to cover it up. Some ladies that are considered Regs (regulars) on the forum are of Catholic belief and one time I reminded them that the bible did in fact tell women to cover. If they believed in their holy books so completely then why do they not follow the tenents of their faith? Now we have a group of women who have picked up the cover at least in prayer. They have gone through the gamut of discussions with people in their communitites to support their right to cover. I support them. Yet somehow I feel that they will never understand a Muslim woman's need to cover.
When I first converted in the early 1980's I was working in the local university and we had 750 students from Saudi Arabia there on a group study program. Most were good young men, but a few fell to the ways of the American lifestyle and sadly they became far from being a good Muslim. I was interested in Islam. I also had some students from Iran. So I learned about both sides of the Muslim coin. One of my questions was why do women in your faith cover? Most could not give me a reason beyond it was something that the holy book said to do and that women had done it for centuries. So I resorted to reading every book I could lay my hands on. During the break between quarters I began to cover. My first cover was given to me by a Saudi man, just like my Quran which I still have and use. Also he gave me a set of slow recitation tapes so I could learn the Quran in Arabic as well as in English. I remember the uproar from my students that were Iranian. How could I do such a thing? Then they went on to tell me horror stories of life under the Khomeini regime. Did that deter me? No. Life in the USA was not the same and I was doing what Allah had commanded. I remember just after beginning to cover many of the young men went back and brought back wives. They asked me to teach their wives English as they did not feel comfortable bringing their wives to the school.
My first glimpse of these women was a mixed bag. I attended a few dinners at their homes. Men separated from women and me not speaking Arabic I was usually off in a corner playing with a baby or toddler and at worst reading a "Sadayati" magazine. That's where I learned the Arabic alphabet and the numbers. Word search puzzles in the back. But my most interesting days were ones when the ladies pulled out the wedding books and showed me the photos. Wow! How lovely they were these ladies. There wedding photos were the envy of many an American woman. But what really drew my attention was the ones the ladies showed me of their honeymoons. Here in the states the women were covered head to toe, all with the niqba and gloves and stocking to boot yet in the photos they were not. They had bikinis on. Laying in the sun of a Hawaiian beach in barely any clothes. How was this? Was God not in Hawaii? Here no one saw a inch of their skin yet there away from eyes they bare it all. Why I wondered. Now my question, the Quran says for a woman to cover her beauty, it never specified how this was to be done, but we have guidance from the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and his wives (pbut). He said that at puberty a woman must cover everything but this- hands, face and feet. So why do women use a niqba? I have argued this point many a year since I became Muslim. I can see if you have makeup on an going to a party why it would be good to cover your face, but why else. So in forum I see people saying that these women could be hiding their identity. Maybe they are not who they say they are. They are at risk for security because if they do something bad you did not see their face to say it was that woman....And many other lame excuses. Why target these women. I never really agreed with the niqba myself and I remember when my best buddy Janel wore it. It was hard to eat out in public and reading a pricetag in public was always a chore. Keeping an eye out for the little ones was difficult too as you got limited vision under there. Also in the USA people are very face oriented. Just like a handshake you need to see a persons face. If you are going to be in the public eye a veil is a hamper. But I respect the women who do want to wear them. Lately I have equated not seeing a face as equal to a blind persons view on the world. They cannot "see" ever persons face yet they must trust whom they meet. How often have you seen a blind person ask you permission to "feel your face" the only way they can "see" you I ask people.
Do people have the right morally to tell women who veil to remove it? I talked to a few banks in our area and all said that a fingerprint will work if the woman chooses not to use a photo id. Can this solve a problem. What about women who have traveled who veil? I remember one lady who had a photo passport but she would only show it to a female rep and lift her veil in private. What about drivers license? I know many women who veil that drive. Some with the full face on. Don't you think that limits your field of vision? One lady I know lifted her veil and used sunglasses. How funny that looks to outsiders. I guess my point is who's right is it to tell us how to practice our faith? Here I get so much of "well if you don't like the rules go home" well dammit I am home.... but for all the freedom we have as Americans I would gladly give it up some days. While in Libya I was never abused by the public opinion for being an American and not speaking Arabic. So why must I endure such nonsense in my own lands? As this issue of veiling becomes more predominant I wonder how the Muslim world will react to it. The veil is an extention of the command to cover, will it be a issue of the fundamentalist or the extremist? And finally why is this directed solely at Muslim women. One question I have asked in forum many a day is what crime has a veiled woman ever committed? None have surfaced yet! But with the rise in political issues will it merely be a matter of time before one lady does. Would like your comments on how you feel about this issue. And although I may not sound like it I do support the woman who veils its just not for me.

The Three Amigos

2006-11-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

Today I thought I would share a bit of my life with everyone. I was married in 1986 to a man who at the time I felt was the hottest thing I had seen in a long time. He was the imam at my local mosque and was held in high regards by the community. Just after we married we decided to move to Georgia and live by a uncle of mine as work was scarce in Utah. So we packed up what we had into my old chevy truck and put what else we could not carry into storage and began our trip.
The next day we arrived in Colorado and we spent a few weeks visiting with friends of my husband. We finally landed in Denver and after a few days the local men had begged my husband to stay. Not having much money and no job a good friend of his allowed us to stay with his family. Abdulsalam and Theresa had married about two years before and they had a small son. They had a two bedroom apartment and we were given the master bedroom. After a short stay with them we moved in with Yousef and Janel another couple we had met. Yousef and Janel were expecting their first child due just about any day and my husband was nervous as to when we would need to move on. He had started working and was expecting his first paycheck any day. Finally the big day arrived and their new daughter Sakina joined the world. So we looked real quick for an apartment of our own. Thankfully we found one and we finally settled in to our own place. Over the years we had became good friends. Now if you are married to a Libyan you know that can be difficult. Three women from different backgrounds who's only common denominator is a Libyan husband. The men would say one thing and the women would say something totally different and things were always getting mixed up. About two years later we had finally made it to the world of parenthood and were expecting our first child together. Funny it seemed like every time one got pregnant one of the others would get pregnant also. Janel had added twins to her home and Theresa had finally had a girl and was expecting again and due any time. Our families were growing in leaps and bounds.
My husbands family so much wanted us to come to Libya so they had sent tickets for us to travel but since I had a history of problems I told them to wait till after the baby was born..
On October 17, 1989 our son Suhayb was born. Janel was in attendance and we both gave a hoot of joy when the doctor announced I had a son. The day I brought him home began years of waiting.....He had a seizure the first night home and we rushed him to the hospital. For three weeks I tried to convince doctors that he was having seizures when he slept. Not till one day at his first physical did they get a glimpse of what I meant. He had just fallen asleep and began to seize just as the doctor came in the room. See I was not a neurotic mom my son was having seizures. For the next three weeks we waded through hell. Maybe he had this or that? Hell they didn't know and they poked and prodded his little body trying to figure out what was wrong. After he was 18 months they finally went away. By then another child was on the way and I was having problems with high blood pressure and blackouts. So we waited. After Suhayl was born I got a whole three months and the doctor said guess what! You have got to be kidding! Nope another was on the way and the doctor suggested we wait again. We had quite a list of complications during that pregnancy. At four months my amnio came back as possible downs syndrome. And a few months later my father was diagnosed with Alzheimers and Parkinsons and in the same week a car accident nearly took my husbands life.
So we waited....Aieysha came out fine but she does have some learning disabilities. Dad died much sooner than expected he lasted just one short year and he died at 59, months away from retiring. Taher spent four years recouping from his accident and me with three small kids to deal with.
For many years we waited two more daughters were born and by then we never imagined we would make it back home. Yousif and Janel had traveled just after Suhayb got out of the hospital and Abdulsalam and Theresa followed shortly after. The Three Amigos had been broken up. Back then there was barely phones and mail was a joke so we lost touch with Janel, Theresa came back after a few months as one of the kids had developed seizures and she wanted to be in the states. Finally, after 17 years I had heard enough of it was my fault we never went home. And I set out to make it happen. As you know I spent months gathering information and trying to learn all I could about Libya. I contacted Janel now that internet was available and she introduced me to other ladies. Each month I pushed my husband to get things done. We were not getting any older and now with five kids the cost of tickets were quite more than we imagined. Not to mention passports and visas and all the things we needed like baggage and clothes and so many other things.
Everyone knows how my trip went and now that I am back I spend many days talking with Theresa. They hope to go this next year too. Many of the families here have begun going back and forth with the kids. But the bigger families it is much harder as the cost is multiplied. So now we are planning month by month. Buy a ticket, get a passport, buy a gift or stuff to take. Each month is spent figuring out how to make it work. I cannot wait till next year. The Three Amigos will be together again...We each have 7 kids now....We are older and wiser. The kids are growing and life is suddenly shorter. Twenty-one years ago three women embarked on a friendship that has lasted. Even distance has changed us very little. I remember seeing Janel after 16 years and yet is was as though we had seen each other yesterday....We had (at least I had) gotten older and grayer and starting to add a few wrinkles. We remarked how our babies had grown and we teased the older ones on how we had once changed their diapers, (moms love to do that) and how they were still our babies.
I cannot wait till next year when the Three Amigos are together again. Libya beware!!!

When Barbie becomes Fulla

2006-11-04T18:51:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not talking about the dolls but our own daughters. When they are little we dress them up and put them in pretty dresses. Fix their hair and put on makeup and then take them out for the world to adore. So what happens when they reach puberty? Its a hard question, one that many a mom has stressed over. Do I tell my daughter to hijab or wait and let her do it on her own. What if she reaches puberty early? My girls hit it around 10 and although I let them cover since infancy, it is never been mandantory. Well today my 10 year old Khadijah joined the ranks of women. She is my barbie. I tried for many years to keep her modestly dressed and was set back a bit when we were in Libya and the family felt I was being hard by having the girls cover. "Oh she's too young"! No she is not I would say but they got their way. So was I being too orthodox or them too loose? What about those girls who are a bit more on the looker side? Do you suggest a veil for them?
We have about 10 girls in our school of 800 students that are muslim so she has others who are like her. She will not be alone and she has worn it before so kids know why she wears it. So what have you other ladies done? Do you keep with faith that says puberty or let time take the lead. How do you talk to kids about sex in Islam? My boys and I are pretty open but their father has never said anything to them. Do you consider them adults? What suggestions do you give other women who are contemplating this problem.
I have my girls cover plain and simple. Right or wrong they can be married and do as they wish then till then I hope they see my example and feel good about what Allah has commanded.

Ramadan and Eid

2006-10-26T08:04:00.000-06:00

One thing I hated about returning was the idea of missing the holiday with the family. Having grown up with the traditional holidays in the USA, I feel funny some years. I tried so much when they were little to emulate my old holidays feeling somehow I could blend the two. I found I was getting caught up in the commercial side of holidays. So being as the kids were growing and my husband was spending less and less time at home during the holidays I gave up. Also, with five kids, keeping up with the "Jones" was getting expensive. Lately, I give the kids one gift that they really want rather than spending money on a lot of little things. This year we decided it would be computers. We need four more to give everyone one. We want to get laptops as they require the least amount of space and the kids can take them with them to school as needed. My husband was mad he said he had watched the prices and could have gotten some right after we left for less than 300$ each. So why didn't he buy them? He was worried that someone would say something to him. Ok, why should anyone care if he buys four computers? I give up. So instead of the kids getting anything they have to wait until after Thanksgiving so we can catch the sales. Suhayb has a computer so he will get a new helmet for hockey and I guess I get nothing as I have a computer. Taher went to work on Eid morning (yes to work) and came back later in the day. He gave each of the kids 20$ and sat on the couch. Wow. My son Suhayl remarked "now if we were in Libya we could do something with 20$!" He wanted a few computer games and at 20$ plus in most stores he was a little dejected. But the promise of a new computer lingers in the air. The kids usually get a nice dinner on Eid and so I packed the kids up and we went out. Dad was left behind as usual. We got to the car and discussed where we should go. Finally, Village Inn was the choice. It was nice we had came during the time between lunch and dinner hour and we had the restaurant to ourselves. We filled our bellies for Suhayb that is a chore he ate his lunch and 1/2 of his brothers meal, but he is a growing boy.
The older kids are off from school for Fall Break so they are home sitting around the house bugging me they are bored. Well help with the laundry or dishes or clean your room! Nah, that's no fun mom.
On Eid morning we called his family. His dad was mad as to why I didn't come see them before we left? Well hum the don't come back idea was still floating in my head. I told him I was sorry that things had been hectic. (Like not having my bags til two days before leaving) and there were many people I didn't get a chance to say goodbye too. I told him I forgave him he asked me for what he did nothing wrong. And to understand that we are each different and set in our ways and next year would be better. I was asked if I wanted to talk to mom but the line was lost just after. Later we contacted his brother Salem. The family was happy to hear from us but his brother was not home and so we decided to call later in the day. When we finally did speak I missed them so much... All I can think is how different the holiday would have been if we had been there. My husband asks why I wished I was there? They just get new clothes and spend time visiting with family. Well that's more than we do. My husband said in two years if we go during the same time we will be there for Ramadan and Eid. Hum two more years. How about I stay for good from next year? Wait and see I guess.
Final note. I keep the weather posted on my computer so I can watch how things are while we are here. Today we have the first blizzard of the season hitting so far it hasn't done much as in previous years but its about 4 inches outside of my window and heavy as of 8 am. And in Libya its expected to be around 93 degrees. The ocean sounds great to me. This is the view out my front window now. We made it to about 4 inches. Last time it snowed this much we lost about 4 feet of height from this tree and about five large branches. This time thankfully we have no leaves. The leaves cause the weight of the snow to hold on the branches and the branches can give way under the weight. In 1997, we had a big one that killed a few people. Branches fell on them. One was quite sad an elderly woman who had just recently celebrated her birthday I think she was around 80's and was shoveling snow. A large branch fell on her and crushed her. We were snowed in for four days. Lots of fun huh.

New Blogs

2006-10-15T11:42:00.000-06:00

Hey just a reminder I have two new blogs I am working on.
What to take if your going overseas and
Healthy Alternatives look them up and help me out if you have ideas.

Locking the doors

2006-10-15T09:11:00.000-06:00

I was browsing my old posts and remembered that I had promised to tell everyone the lock story. Well here goes. My home in Libya consisted of a large three story building the main level being the guest level with a marble stairway going upwards to the two apartments above. Mine being the first one and my brother in law Asaid having the next. There the stairway continued to the roof where another level could always be added on. Each level you had a large two door entry and this door became the final straw for this camels back. I told you how the nieces and nephews thought my apartment was the hangout and were in and out all the time. Getting into stuff and constantly messing with the kids things. There were locks on every door in the apartment but with one key we didn't like to lock the rooms and with them shut you got no air coming through the rooms. Well we had issue with a few doors while there. First my bedroom door got locked and somehow the key for one side was not the same as the other side? So we went through a large box of keys trying to find one that would open the door. My room did not have a balcony and the only way you could reach it was with a very tall ladder. Finally one of my sons found a key that opened my room so I was off locking up my room. I took the keys out. A few days later a Motorola Razr was missing from my room and no one knew where it was. Its just a 350 dollar phone. I was blamed for not locking up my room. Only kids had been in my room and it was on a high shelf so someone knew what happened. The next problem was the front door and the girls bedroom door. The kids hated having everyone in the apartment and my mother in law was phobic about the balcony on my girls room that the room had to be locked all the time. So this room was kept shut and the kids kept the key. Again one key and they were always the one who did not have it. I mean how much can a copy cost? So we took to locking the front door only if someone was home to open it. Again one key. The computer sat on the only table in the house in the main room of my apartment. And everytime a niece or nephew was in the apartment it was prime target for little hands. My youngest niece loved to pull on the table cloth and try to pull it down. So everytime my kids heard her coming up the stairs they would reach over and push the door shut. The doors in Libya are solid wood and they would slam loudly that would get a yell from grandma downstairs as well. Why were the kids always slamming the doors! Well there was the air doing it too. So why don't I shut all the doors????? Duh its hot!!! One day the main door lock got jammed and as I explained my sons had to scale the wall of the main fence, go to the old house rooftop and then enter the balcony door that my mother-in-law was insistent should always be locked and they went inside and opened the door. When I got home I took off the lock and used my tools to fix it. I oiled the mechanism and pounded down the small bar that had been bent by shutting the door. A few days later it was jammed again. This time I was inside and I grabbed my tools and took the damn lock off for good. I was going to buy another lock as this one seemed old and did not want to work well. My bathroom door also did not lock. Now if you have no shower curtains why would you need a lock? And one bathroom to boot. I took that lock apart as someone had jammed paper inside it and found that the locking arm was broken off. I gave money to my brother-in-law to buy another one. It took a week to get it, and it didn't fit so he had to go back. Finally we got the new lock and he went up to put it on for me. When I arrived he was putting on the old hardware. Why? Because the new one would have made a small part of the unpainted portion of the door show. Duh do I have no brains? Ok, and he took the other parts to boot. Excuse me. I took the front door lock downstairs and told mom I was going to the plumbing store to get a new lock. But I got busy and she said wait and Asaid would take me later. When the day was cooler. Parts for electrical and homes are in the plumbing store. Well we didn't go that day or the next so finally I took it in my own hands. Where was the lock I pulled off the door so I could match it? She didn't know. Ok, I remember what it looks like so there were a few stores in walking distance and off I went. I found a lock and brought it back, wrong size. Ok go back the next day. The one I need he doesn't have but I can come back later. Ok, I gave him my number and told him to call me when he had the part. Two days later and I still did not hear from him. The kids were going nuts as there was no way to keep my niece or anyone else out of the house. So as I mentioned I was out in Tripoli a few days later and knew exactly the size I needed by then as well as the shape of the lock. I found one a stronger one of the exact same size. I got up the next morning I wanted to put the lock on. I started to put it on and the old one had a small pin for the locking mechanism while this one was a round bolt much stronger. But the hole was cut into a square and needed a bit of filing to open it more or a drill and I had brought bits to make holes. No one had a drill. Ok, I went upstairs and was using a kitchen knife to try to cut the hole slightly larger. I'm talking centimeters here guys. Now anyone that knows diddle about a kitchen knife knows they are far from sharp. Especially the ones there. So this was slow going, I was getting frustrated. I finally called my brother in law Salem, do you have a drill? Yes he did and he would bring it over later today. He arrived about an hour later. And I went down to see him. My father in law asked why I needed the drill. I told him I was trying to fix my lock on my apartment. Well he came up to see what I meant. He asked what happened to the old lock I told him I had removed it and a part was broken and I had fixed it a few times and just decided to buy another better lock. He informed me that the lock was fine before I came!!! I'm sure it was...He asked where the old one was and I told him that I didn't know I had taken it downstairs and it had disappeared. I told him I just needed to open the hole a bit more and the new lock would fit just fine. He looked and said no it would not, a small portion would overlap onto the frame trim and that would have to be cut and so the lock was too big!!! Hey were talking a centimeter again. I can trim it easily. No way was I too touch the trim. What did I know about locks? OK, I had enough... I've replaced every lock in my house and broken through dozens over the years. But hey he knew more than a female...so I threw the lock down and walked out of the apartment. I handed the drill to my brother-in-law and told him to forget it. I had enough. The next morning I left the house for good. Another problem was at night. My mother in law would lock all the doors and windows on the main level and the gates as well. So if we were out later than 10pm, we were stuck, at 45 that's not a easy pill to swallow. I told her how is this my house if I am locked out of it at night and I cannot lock my doors inside as needed? They could keep their beloved house. Well I know its long but hey aren't most of my stories? hehe.

A Few Giggles

2006-10-09T22:06:00.000-06:00

In going through the pictures I found a few more that I thought might bring a chuckle to everyone. My youngest daughter is the model for these fashions.

This is the way the older women dress throughout the day. A bolt of about 5 meters of fabric is wrapped around the body and over the head then around the waist. This is how the ladies spend the day dressed. A small housedress or frock is worn under it. The next photo is the school uniform. We bought this one for 5 dinars.

The next photo she was probably overdressed for. She was given a toy machine gun for her birthday present. Hummm maybe a female military officer uniform should have been the proper outfit? The toy lasted till the next day she kept on shooting her sister and the sound was so annoying her sister grabbed it and broke the trigger! Oh well they probably would have given us funny looks if we had it in our baggage.

Oh and I came across this pic of three beautiful Libyan Chicks! Hope you guys like this one.

Oh sorry I meant chickens!

Finally something to make your mouth water. Sorry I know everyone is fasting!This was the table they set for my son Suhayb when he was leaving. Yeah they feed him the day before we leave. No, in all honesty it was just my inlaws that were short in the food category. But oh well, that's water under the bridge now. Hey I also started another blog that lists things that I wished I had or had more of while I was there. If anyone thinks of something leave a comment and I will add it to the list. Its www.libyannecessities.blogspot.com , everyone's likely to have different experiences than I did but hopefully I can ease the suffering of at least one person.

Forgotten Memories

2006-10-08T12:49:00.000-06:00

There is always someone in your life that plays an important role in who you are and who you become. Mine was my greatgrandmother. Etta May Bush. No, no relation to the man in the white house that I know of, if so we were the poor ones. She married young a American Indian woman married to a Irish immigrant worker. She had at least 5 children that I know of. Two of which were mentally handicapped. Her and her son Tom were a big part of my early years. Raised on a small farm in Florida they lived two houses down on the family property. My memories are of an aunt that use to call everyone "boys" and my uncle playing with us in the yard. He was old when I was young, he would chase us kids around the yard and catch us and rub his whiskered chin under the soft part of our necks til we squealed. I still remember those rashes. They both passed away long ago. My greatgrandmother died when my daughter Melissa was born. And Tom died a few years back from what I am told. My greatgrandmother was 101 when she died. State records have her as 104.
Well not too long after we arrived I was shocked to see an extremely elderly woman wandering the house of my sister in law Khadijah. I was told that she was her husbands mother. Her name is Aieysha and by family accounts she is 107. Not much is known of her past so I thought I would preserve what I can of her now. As I am given more information about her I will add to her story.
Family story has it she was found wandering alone in the city by members of the Faris family. She was very young and had no accounting of parents or family members. For all we know she could have been orphaned during WW2. The concentration camps set up by the Italians made many people orphans, widows and last remnants of family tribes. So she was taken in by the family. When I saw this petite woman barely standing 4'7" I was reminded of the one woman I held so dearly in my heart. So if she was around I was with her. At meal time I served her first, at naptime I got her blankets and pillows. Anything she wanted she just had to let known. This was one of the times when I wished my Arabic was better. Oh the stories she could have shared with me. I love history and I know she could have told me much. Maybe not as much as some people being a woman, her life was probably limited to the world around her home, but she would have told me about the life of the family. People born and died, marriages and lives that she had known. I wish more people would find a way to save these memories before they are gone. At 107 even if I wish I may not see her again so I requested my son to photograph her. Maybe there are other photos with family members of her younger years and if so I will try to get copies and add them. But for me her face is a cherished one. So full of the life she has lived. Worn like old leather and tattooed in the old ways, her front bangs colored orange with henna. She is beautiful.

GOLD Need I say More

2006-10-08T10:19:00.000-06:00

I know there are hundreds of shops with gold around the cities but while I was there I stayed away from them. You could go nuts looking at all that gold. Now I get how those early goldrush men and women must have felt when they caught gold fever. So when I did finally go to one I took my camera along so I could photograph the ones I wanted or liked. So here are a few pics to entice everyone.

This is the set worn by older women. And it is made of real pearls and silver with goldplating. It is quite heavy and ran about 470 dinars. This set consisted of a head drape to each side of the face a necklace and a shoulder clip. The arm bracelet was new and was extra.

The next photo is the breast plate again with silver and gold overlay. The large medallions are coins that have been pressed flat. Sorry I could not rotate the photo. If I can figure out how I will fix it. But this goes to about your waist. And yes it is very heavy. Here is a photo of a bracelet.

Again that's what happens when you take long shots of a item. Included with these the ladies place long rings on their fingers that take up most of the finger. Here are some that I liked.

Well I hope you travel with lots of money when you go. I know that next time I will be more prepared. And ladies lets not forget our doweries for our daughters! I plan on buying each of these to put into our family gold collection so that they will have it when they marry. Hopefully you got a nice taste of the lovely quality of gold available in Libya. The shops are waiting.

The Clothing

2006-10-08T10:07:00.000-06:00

Since I also noticed that there were very few pictures of people in traditional clothing I thought I would add a few pics. These are of my two youngest daughters who agreed to let them be posted for posterity. The girls are wearing the traditional Libyan dress with headgear for young girls. This photo is taken by every young girl while she is small. Then when she marries another series is taken with her wedding outfit. The small girls wear a cheaper jewelry unless the family is lucky to own the real thing. The older women have the real stuff and I will post some photos of the jewelry that goes with it. Also I will include the "ghost" picture. This is how the older women go out of the home. One eye can see through the cover and I saw many ladies still wearing them. It is more common in the smaller cities but I did see them around Tripoli.

Henna Days Part 2

2006-10-08T09:57:00.000-06:00

For some reason I could not add these photos to the last post so here are the extras to accompany Henna Days. One the hand the first finger and the pinky would be completely covered in henna and the tips of the middle and ring finger would be covered. On the foot the big toe and pinky would be covered and the tips of the others would be covered. If I can do a henna treatment soon I will post a completed view. Thanks go to my daughter for letting me tape her up for the pictures. Caution ladies this one my sister in law says guarantees TWINS when your husband sees it. I'll keep you posted, at 46 I sure don't need twins!

Henna Days and Nights

2006-10-07T10:39:00.000-06:00

I have read a few blogs over the internet all talking about Henna tattoos. None ever posted pics of the finished work. Mostly due to the nature of the modesty of the people having it done. Going through the photos from my trip I found some that were modest enough for me to share with the world. Sorry I don't have one of me all wrapped up but this one of the results should suffice. I also have a pic of the bowl that is used for the wedding henna.

But let me tell you about the process I went through. We started by getting a bunch of pillows. Your going to need them. A soft pallet was made and extra pillows were brought for propping up my feet and arms. Next the area to be hennaed was exposed. So roll up those sleeves and hemlines! Next they made sure the area was clean so if you are using stickers it will adhere well. Then the ladies plan the tattoo. If it is stickers they look for best placement of the stencils. If it is with tape and string the work begins. If your lucky you have a few ladies working on you and this will not take long. Then while you are being marked off someone is preparing the henna powder. I've been told that the henna mixed with lemon juice and warm water works best. Next there is an oil available in the markets that will make the finished product red or black. Add the correct oil to the mix. Now your ready. The ladies use their fingers to carefully apply the mixture to the areas that are to be hennaed and soon you have what my daughter's referred to as "cow poop" covering the hands and feet. Next the women take pieces of cloth and cover the henna and binding it firmly to keep any loose henna from coming out. If you are a bride another decorative cover is then placed over it as well. Then its lay back and relax. Four hours is considered the norm. Oh, I forgot one very important thing!!!! Go to the bathroom before you begin! Think your hands and feet are covered in goo, and you will need help! Well it happens so don't laugh until it happens to you. So back to the pallet we are. If it is a hot day the ladies will bring fans and help to keep you cool. Lunch is served as well during these times and the ladies are most gracious and feed you as well. If you are still waiting the ladies usually suggest that you take a nap. Hey you can be really pampered on such days. Think no one to bother you and you are treated like a queen.
When you awake the rolls come off. The thick paste has dried somewhat and now they gently pull away the paste. Then the next step is strange too me. They apply a coating of oil and salt from what I can tell. Please ladies correct me if I am wrong. This is then rewrapped and you get another hour. Finally the wraps are removed and you are wiped clean of any residue. The henna usually is bright red but over the next day it will darken to pitch black if that is the oil you chose. Finally ladies to help it last you don't do laundry or dishes for a few days! Darn now what are you going to do with that big pile? Otherwise use gloves to do the dirty work. Depending on the henna quality it can last for a few days to a month. One footnote. The last henna I had done was done on a warm day and they covered my feet and hands with plastic for the second covering. I think I got heat stroke as I was having a severe headache that night and all I wanted to do was sleep. So be careful if you are heat sensitive.

Medicines and Medical Concerns

2006-10-03T05:32:00.000-06:00

Being the daughter of a military officer I have always learned to be prepared. As a young girl I was in Girl Scouts and most of my life I needed some form of CPR or First Aid classes for some job or license. So I have always been the one full of calm during the storm. My neighbors here in Colorado loved me during the first few winters we had after our move to our house. When the power went out I would walk the block seeing who needed candles or wood to keep little ones calm during a blizzard or snow to your ears day. My freezer is always well stocked and my fridge always had plenty of milk in case of emergencies. Well that is one reason I had a few run ins with my inlaws.
At my home and all my cars, I carry at least one first aid kit. I have a fully stocked medicine cabinet and bandages for just about any medical need. I can't remember how many patched knees or boobooed elbows I have mended over the years. My kids call me the street nurse. When my daughter Aieysha was 4 we were cutting some branches on the tree out front and my husband and I decided we were done for a bit and we went downstairs to change clothes. My husband being the careful father, put the giant metal cutters in the garage on the shelf and went downstairs with me. It didn't seem more than five minutes and I heard screams from my youngest daughter at the time. I told my husband "please go check on her while I finish folding this load of laundry real quick", well he trotted up the stairs and just minutes later I heard him calling my name in a panic of "Faiszah, Faiszah, Faiszah". Ok, so what is going on? I rushed up the stairs and to the door and found my four year old daughter standing with blood pouring down her first finger. I looked and although it was appearing to be attached I knew somehow that it wasn't. Thinking quickly I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and grasp her hand with it to staunch the flow of blood. I then ordered my husband to get everyone in the car. What was I thinking? Get everyone out I don't need a bunch of kids whining at the hospital. So, I got her into the passenger side and buckled her in and we were off. By the time I had driven 1/2 mile, she was blacking out so I pulled into the firestation and asked for assistance from the paramedics. I told them what had happened and they looked and said oh it is a cut but we will call an ambulance to take her in. Well I will save the long version of the story and tell you it was indeed cut all the way through too less than 1 cm of skin holding her little finger on. Suhayb had used the pruners to cut some small branches and let his sister hold while he cut and just got so carried away that he had severed her finger. We are still thankful till today that she did not shake her finger or it would have been a loss. The small centimeter of skin holding her finger in place also carried the main blood vessel to her finger and by not shaking it, it had survived to live on. A bunch of bandages and a fancy splint and we were on our way.
So this story leads me to our medical needs while overseas. My daughter Aieysha had a bump on the underside of her foot that I thought was the beginning of a planter wart so I told her that as soon as we got to Libya I would get some medicine and we would fix it. Here we have these cool freeze off packages that work well and I had used a few times before for other kids. Well after arrival her foot began to hurt her and I don't know how many days I asked for medicine to fix it. Like the headlice what was the concern. They all have feet that hurt them. Well she is 13 and should not have feet that hurt her. After a month and a half we finally got the opportunity to send my son to the pharmacy to get medicine for headlice and he showed me the store where he had bought the stuff as the man spoke English and I knew I may have to explain what I needed. Well you don't find the freeze off type there. So remembering the old remedy of wart removal I looked for compound W. No, but they had salyicilic acid. Just the right level of acid to put on her foot was 1% content the pharmacists said. And it was a cream. So I needed q-tips and bandages. And we began the long treatment of her wart that had grown into three bunches by then and another between her big toe and her next one. Now that we have returned home the wart finally came off. A stronger dose could have been more helpful but she hated to have her foot scraped so that delayed removal too. So after I came home I used a freeze off brand to get the rest. No scraping needed. I left behind a book on herbal remedies but no fear I have two more here in the states as well as you can find them at most Goodwill or Thrift stores. I would also suggest a basic first aid book and that you take most medical supplies that you know you use or need. I had a stethoscope and a othomological scope in my bag and darn I had left behind my blood pressure kits. Oh well add that one to the list. Although many of the families in the area had diabetic relatives I never saw a meter used. They were curious of mine and asked me a few times to check someone. No problem I had a abundant supply of strips. But I only used it on people who I knew had diabetes. How do you keep your diabetes in check if you don't use a meter? Oh well. Thankfully I follow the old girl scout motto of always be prepared. At home I have a bag that has a non battery flashlight a weather radio and TV and so many items that will go unlisted. You would think I was planning for Armageddon. Well if you missed the TV recently here in the USA, we had three incidents of hostages of children at school in one week. One in Colorado, that left one dead girl, one in Pennsylvania at a Amish school that left 5 dead and 6 wounded and one that is unknown to me as I have seen very little TV. I think I unpacked my bags too soon. Homeschooling is looking more beautiful every day. And I thought Columbine was bad. What kind of man goes into a school of little amish girls and sends all the people out and lines up the girls and binds them then shoots them point blank? And by the way he was a loving father of three kids. Boy if he had been Muslim the story would be different. Oh well.
Finally I recommend a book on medicines and their usages. I haven't really looked at one besides the one I own a doctors medical reference book. It is by maker the names of the meds so I didn't know yet if it will be useful but I will let you know. Also I looked into Baker's Ammonia here in the USA. I know you use it for baking there. Well warning for those of us who eat cookie dough. DON"T EAT IT!!! It evaporates into harmless product after cooking but can be lethal if eaten prior. We use baking powder. Well I looked it up on the internet and found it was what we use to call smelling salts. And the pharmacy did not carry it any longer. Only in vials for sports and not recommended any more for that purpose as well.
Or maybe it has some other use and she thought it best to tell me it was unavailable. With the use of over the counter cough medicines to make Meth drugs they have removed all that contain the needed ingredients from the shelves and now you must get it from an attendant. Then you must give them your name and address and show id. If you try to purchase more than a certain amount you are told no and the system is supposed to alert them if you try. Oh well what are us big families to do in the cold season? More than two people sick and you can go through a few bottles a day. But apparently now the makers have made copies that do not contain the needed drug so they are available but some people are saying they do not work as well. This applies to allergy meds too.
As I mentioned in my last article, I had two incidents of medical emergencies of young family members. One broke his arm both bones and a week later playing with his younger brother, he stabbed his brother with a stick and it went into his mouth and cut a huge gash into his lower gum line a the jaw. They pulled out the stick and Salem rushed him to the hospital. Well it seems as medical emergencies follow me or the old rule of "bad things happen in threes". My kids had just gotten back to school last week and the boys were delayed an extra day for meeting with the dean and counselors. Well come Friday we had another emergency. Suhayl was in Gym class outside playing Flag Football. You know the one where you throw a football but they can only attempt to remove a flag that is attached to your side as a way of "tackling" you. Well he finally got the ball tossed his way and the force of the throw or the uneven ground caused him to fall backwards onto an young mans knee who was behind him attempting to grab his flag. Well his spine impacted with the kids knee and he was down. Apparently he didn't get up right away and the coach yelled "hey your fine get up". So a friend helped him up and he went to the sideline to rest. He really didn't feel well so they escorted him to the nurse. Well we all know they have cut back on funding so nurses are overworked and overstressed at most schools. Fortunately, Cherry Creek Schools know the necessity of nurses in the system and pay the fees to keep them on but they have days when they are sorely stressed. Anyway she icepacked him and after a bit he said he felt ok and returned to his classes. By the end of day though the pain was unbearable and he could barely walk. He called me to pick him up. Why, had you missed the bus? He can't walk! What do you mean you can't walk? Well I hurt my back at school. Oh my god, so I rushed to the school to get him. We arrived back home and I began to look for my kids medical cards and to contact the provider to see what hospital I could take him too. (Don't you just love HMO and PPO's) Thankfully it was the nearest although going back to the injury to Aieysha I hated that hospital. I waited just long enough for hubby to arrive and we were off. I arrived and after a bit of a wait we were seen. They did a few xrays and came back saying something was blurry on one and they needed a CAT scan to be sure. Ok, can I worry yet? I was trying to reassure my son that he was ok. His father had a car accident before Aieysha was born that affected the same area and he is left with permanent injuries. So Suhayl was pretty worried. All the while we waited I wondered why the school had never called. The nurse there called a hundred times last year for my other son. Even the hospital was amazed that they did not call an ambulance for him. Well the CAT scan showed that he had fractured three of his vertebrae. Not the actual vertebrae thank god but the flange that radiates off the side like a undeveloped rib. He fractured the L1, L3 and L4 and possibly the sacarial area as well. We took him home and were told to see a radiological on Monday. Well I notified by email his teachers and my hubby made a unpolite call to the school Monday while I took him to the doctor. The nurse was horrified. And apparently the coach just mumbled about being sued. Yeah like you can sue the school. Here you sign a paper that unless you take out an insurance policy the school is not liable for injuries while on campus. REALLY. But I'm not sure if it covers lack of responsibility on the part of a teacher or nurse to seek medical care. Well after we saw the doctor on Monday we were relieved to know it was the small flanges not the actual vertebrae that was damaged and yes he will have some pain for a few weeks but he will be ok. No physical activities for a while too.
On our way out I was chatting with a young attendant who I mentioned on how prepared I was for injuries. I told her I was team medic for my sons hockey team as well and about the only thing I did not carry was items to make a splint. She was so kind she went into one of the rooms and brought me back some splints. They are foam with a metal interior that form to the injury. How sweet. I mentioned a CPR mouth guard as being the only item yet to acquire. Sorry she had left hers at home or she would have provided me with one as well. Since the hospital uses bags they do not supply them but she suggested a medical supply store. I thanked her for her kindness.
Ok, so now it is Tuesday and we go back to school. I took the boys so I could speak with the nurse about his limitations. She was happy to see him and again apologized for not calling or thinking more seriously of the injury. I told her I understood as the school nurse at my daughters school and I were good friends and I understood how their days could be. But she will be on alert now.
Well seeing as it has now been three injuries I think I am safe for awhile. We have a older home that many people feel is haunted. Many of the houses on the block have unusual accidents occur and weird things that happen. And I have had a few friends of my kids over the years refuse to stay the night in our home and they really hate the basement. They report a very angry male being in the home (not including my hubby hehe). Some of the houses on the block are more intense than others and we find for some reason or another the people don't stay long. They always seem to have marital issues that most report didn't happen before moving there. I find that injuries start occurring and I play Quran in the house and he settles down for a time. I guess I need to pull out the CD player again. Believe what you want but it works. I feel it too and sometimes when we are arguing in the house more than usual I pull out the CD and play Quran for awhile. I live on old settler land and one time pulled up data on the area. It belonged to early settlers and before they ran off the Indians it belonged to native Americans. I came across someone with the same family name who lost a large tract of land to nonpayment of mortgage. It was sold at state auction. The land now is worth billions. Too bad I can't go in and claim damages. But I know my native ancestors have much more rights than any settler ever had. But all of mine are from the southern part of the USA. Well in final thoughts I would say be prepared. I don't know where our world is headed too. Here we have nature to destroy our lives and gunmen to attack or schools. But each part of the world is facing its own problems so start preparing. When I have my new house built in Libya I am including a basement. I'm using it as a gaming room, movie theater, and playing area but also it will serve as a shelter in the event of storms or other disasters. And I will encorporate some ideas for using natural resources in my home as well such as solar power and a wood burning fireplace to boot. If I come accross any good websites I will let you all know.

Weddings and Funerals

2006-09-28T16:45:00.000-06:00

As I mentioned in a earlier post there was a funeral while I was in Libya. Well we got the privilege of having two deaths in the family and we went to a second a few days later. This time it was a family member from the other side of Tajura. Not that it was that far mind you but more the bunch that keeps a distance. I still don't know who he was but a male member died within a week of losing beloved Hadi. I went to that one too but it was more demure in atmosphere. The family was reeling with the loss of one and now another in such a short time. That night my father in law became ill. I went down to spend some time with my mother in law always trying to get along and she mentioned that my father in law was shaking. Ok, maybe he is cold. I went in to check on him in a small room off the main guest area. He was resting but with a rapid breath. I felt his forehead and he felt a bit warm but no alarm to me. And I do know quite a bit about fevers.

I tried to speak to him but he did not respond and I thought oh he is just still mad with me. So I left the room. A short time later my son went in to see him and said he was shaking. I went back into the room and found he would not responded to anyone. I asked my son to go get my brother in law Otthman. When he arrived with Khadijah they tried to talk to dad but he still did not respond. So we ordered the boys to go get the car. I was thinking he may be in a state of shock. They took him to the car and left for the local medical facility. A short time later they called and said they were taking him to another hospital. But we were given no more word on what was wrong. After about an hour my son returned and was in tears. He was begging that nothing happen to his grandfather. I told him all things depend on Allah and if he lived it was by his will. About 3 hours later he returned. They said he had febrile seizures and was malnourished. So they had prescribed some medication for fever and a vitamin C tablet. Well at least he was home. The next day I went in to visit with him and he informed me that my son Suhayb would be the one to come back to Libya and he knew because he had cried for his grandfather. I wanted to tell him how much my son hated it there but I didn't. I guess only time will tell.

Well the few weeks later I was finally getting the chance to attend a wedding. A relatives daughter was marrying. I entered the house by chance as I was walking my brother in laws mother home. They invited me in and we went out to the family courtyard. They had covered the area with tents and were setting up cushions. They asked me to stay and soon guests I later found were beginning to arrive. I was aghast. I was in a plain house dress. If you are there you will know which ones I am talking about they are for sale along the main street for 3-6 dinar and they are comfy but not anything you would want to attend a wedding party in. As the night progressed they began to play music and the ladies danced. They asked me to join in. Oh what the heck. So I got up and did my best to copy their moves. Later two of my nieces dressed up with another relative and played the part of the man and two women. We laughed our hearts out watching them parody old women and men. I told my sister in law Kahdijah I felt out of place not properly dressed. She informed me that this was the first night and that the next day I could dress up and don't worry. Well the next day arrived. And I dressed for the evening in a skirt that I had bought and a blouse. Still not what I wanted to do but it was all I had. I went to the house with the girls and the family was scolding my in laws as to why I had no henna done yet. Well it was always the excuse that my sister in law Foozia would do it when she came. Yet every time she came we never did it. So the ladies proceeded to do a henna job for me. I will explain that chore in another story. So that evening went pretty well. The next day was the last day of the wedding. The one where they bring in all the decorations and the bride is dressed so nice. Funny it was like she was never there until I realized who it was that was getting married. She had pretty much sat and watched everyone. That evening I was told that I was to dress nice for the next evening. I informed my sister in law Aieysha that I had no nicer clothing and that I did not know what I would do. She told me to come to her house the next day and she would lend me some clothing. Well the next day I hurried through my chores and readied me and the girls and prepared to leave the house. Downstairs my father in law sat outside talking with my mother in law. He asked where I was going. I told him I was going to Salim's house to dress for the wedding this evening. He told me that if I was to go to their house I was to be taken by car or not at all. I told him Salim did not have a big enough car to take us so we could just walk it was a few minutes walk from the house. He ordered me back into the house. I was furious. I stormed back upstairs and threw my things on the bed. Why was he being so mean. I explained to him how I didn't have the proper clothing to go to the wedding. So I sent word with my daughter Khadijah to tell everyone I was not coming. I listened that night as music played and laughter rang out. And cried. The next morning I left the house for good. I took what I could carry and walked out when my father in law had left for salat. I went to Salim's home and cried. They said I could stay with them as long as I liked. So I did. That was the first time since I had arrived where I truly felt welcome. Two weeks before I left was the last chance I had to attend a family wedding. They had sent a message with my son and again I was angry as they knew I didn't even have my clothing let alone a dress. I had not gone to the house since that day and all of my belongings were still at the house. We had made a few attempts at retrieving clothing and each time landed me in another battle. So I had given up on getting more clothes. About time for the wedding to start my mother in law called my cell phone. I explained that I was not coming as I had nothing to wear but jeans and a t shirt. Sorry. After a bit of harsh words with my brother in law I told them it was their fault that I had nothing to wear and no time to prepare to go and with no car how was I to get to the wedding as it is on the other side of the main road after the Baladia (a government building). Well they could send the cab. No, I was not going I had nothing to wear and was not going to disgrace myself again. Just a half an hour later my whole evening changed anyways and I was so glad I was there. A young relative was sitting on a ottoman and his brother pushed him off onto the floor. He got up grabbing his arm and ran crying from the room. I heard his wails from the other room and went to see why he was being such a baby for a 9 year old. I went up to him and asked to see his arm. It flopped like a wet noodle. Oh my god it was broken and both bones too. I quickly held it flat with my arm and told my son to grab the loose board from the kitchen doorway and asked my daughter to go and grab her elastic bandages. I asked for a scarf and made a quick sling. The men had just left for prayer and we were desperate to find a driver. A family member arrived and we hurried him to Tripoli to the main hospital. It was cast and later in the week he went to another hospital where it was reset and another cast was placed on. Well so much for celebrations!

Trying to Remember the Past

2006-09-22T09:24:00.000-06:00

You know how the mind has a way of forgetting the past events? Traumatic events can cause a person to even forget who they are and all about themselves. Well I do remember some things that have transpired but I am sure that had I had access to the internet or even some blame paper I would have had so much more to tell. So I shall begin where I left off to the best of my abilities.
One bit of advice for anyone is to start a journal if you go abroad. Buy a few of those journal books and take them with you. I thought some days that even if I did not have internet I could use my computer to log my thoughts I had so much problems of having one converter for all the electronics that I lost myself after some time. I have always been told I should write a book about my life, some days I wish I was a better writer. I may not get rich, but I could show others how adversity can make you a stronger person. I think this is why I had so much trouble with my father in law. I have had a series of events in my life that made me very independent and stubborn and in many ways he was the same type of person. At one time my inlaws were among the riches people of our city. Time and losses made them what they are today. Greedy for the dollar and stingy with spending. Thankfully their son understands my past and knows how even the lack of food affects me.

When I was first married I weighted around 95 lbs. Years of living on the edge of society had made me quite lean and vunerable to illness. As Ramadan approaches I wonder how I will fare. I was four years ago 165 lbs. And with the idea of traveling abroad I decided to lose a few pounds and get back to a reasonable 145. I had accomplished this and felt great about myself. I need the extra weight so that I don't become hypoglycemic. Many years I struggled with food. I had been on the streets for two years after a divorce from my first husband who starved me and my body was stressed from lack of proper nutrition. So there are times when I would pass out even though I had eaten recently. Doctors tried to find out why this happened but never found a answer. But I noticed as my weight increased my dizzy spells went away. My body had reserves to rely on and so my sugar levels were more constant. My biggest problem was the lack of sufficient food. It was not that we did not eat. It was the amount we were given. Plenty of watermelon was available but that is all water. Then a big bowl of pasta was normal but it was always too spicy for us to eat much of no matter how hungry you were. Then as for meat we were given a chicken neck and two legs as meat for 6 people. A family who was used to a whole chicken at dinner! And it wasn't because we could not afford it! I gave my father in law 700 dinar to buy things for us while we were there. I also later found out that my brother in law had been bringing food as well but my mother in law was hiding it.
A morning meal consisted of eggs and bread and tuna fish. 1 egg for each person and one can of tuna for all to share. And all the bread you can eat. Even milk was hard as it took about a month to find one that the kids liked the taste of (Juhayna) was the best brand we found. We went from 6-8 gallons a week to less than a quart a week. So in that way they lost a lot of nutrition too.

Breakfast was around 11 am as people slept late. Considering they went to bed at 2 am usually this is not bad. Lunch was made around 4 pm followed by a afternoon nap. We woke and if we were lucky got to go out. Then it was back to prepare a meal and then we sat until 2 am then went to bed. So much for all the plans I had of visiting the country and seeing sights.
I did go into Tripoli a few times. For the brief time that I worked I saw the freeway system. Then we did get a few trips to pick up the much my desperately needed money.
One trip I went to the bank and we were informed that the system had been down and since it had returned, it had been so busy that the bank needed more funds and had closed. So can we go to another location at 1 pm. Ok so we drove around for a few hours. We were taken to one of the better hamburger places by our driver and we had our first hamburgers. They are nothing like the pictures they display. We laughed as the photos showed a hamburger with bacon! They were a chicken/beef burger with cheese and harrisa (hot sauce paste) and the much talked about egg! They were too hot for me to eat. And I had forgotten to ask for no ketchup. So I gave mine to my son. Hamburgers and drinks for 2.50 not bad for four people. At home I would not have gotten one hamburger for that price. After the burgers he took us to the shopping district. This is street upon street of stores catering to the home. Thank god I did not have money. I would have spent it all in about 5 minutes. I drooled over the furniture and the fabrics for drapes. Thinking of my home in the USA I could have redecorated the whole house for less than a few thousand among those stores. I did see that quality was a thing that I needed to watch out for. I told him that if I was going to have something made I would want to see the work of the craftmans before I commissioned any work. Some of the men knew how to tuck corners on furniture and some just folded the material as they saw fit. I guess I am picky. Well we proceeded to go back to the bank and found they didn't have money till 6 pm. Ok so more driving around. We drove round and somehow ended up back on the main freeway not to far from the home and we decided to check out a kids store. Talk about high prices. I guess toys are a new thing there. Again quality is a issue. Mostly imported from Asian countries the toys are cheap. I did see the middle eastern version of Barbie her name is Fulla. I wanted one but never got the chance to buy one. I saw one that had the abaya and a set of inside clothes. My daughter collects Barbie and see would have been a nice addition. If anyone is coming to the states soon let me know. Well after we finished we decided we better get back to the bank. My son and daughter had gone with me and he was suddenly not feeling well. So I asked if we could pull over and get some water. We were at a light one of the few I saw in the Tajura area. We proceeded to pull out of traffic and low and behold I guess we did something wrong? We were whistled at by the officer and told to pull over. My son was in great distress but we listened. After showing his papers and explaining why we had moved out of traffic our driver returned to the car and we went to the store. Beats me why we were pulled over. But we got our water and returned to the bank. We went inside and after a short wait we were able to get my funds. And we proceeded to go back to town. Before we left our driver took us through the street of September One.
Getting ready for the first of September all the streets in the main section of the city had been decorated with lights. And it was quite a site to behold. Sadly we missed the celebrations. We proceeded back to Tajura but I had one last stop. I needed to see if the gentleman at the plumbing store had my much needed lock yet. No he still did not have it so we were forced to go back to Tripoli again as no one had them in Tajura. I went not to far from the street that I had visited earlier in the day and found a strong lock. We returned home.

This lock became a point of breaking between me and my father in law and I will go into more details in another story. I promise you it warrants its own blog. Well I need to get my sons off to their first day back to high school so for now I will keep you hanging. I am still trying to go through the pictures I took and freaked out yesterday when the whole group disappeared. Some photos have mysteriously disappeared from my camera but I hope that they are there. Somewhere. Keep reading and I will return soon.

Returning to Normal

2006-09-21T07:14:00.000-06:00

Well sorry, I had a very difficult last three months and I hope that now I am back in the USA I will be able to catch up with all that happened while I was in Libya. In some ways I am happy to be back home. But I think that each day away from Libya will be only wanting to return there. May sound strange coming from me when I do get the chance to catch everyone up on all that transpired while I was there but my heart will have a place in Libya and I hope that I will return again. Hopefully to live if not to visit on a regular basis. I got back on Tuesday evening and it was a long and difficult journey coming back. I have kids to get in school as soon as possible so I will need a week or so to begin writing about my adventures. I have many pictures to share and some stories too and hopefully I will shed light on a life that few experience. My children are of mixed feelings now and I will share their thoughts with everyone soon. Keep looking and I will be up and running in the next weeks.

Promises Promises

2006-08-05T08:32:00.000-06:00

You know when you little how your parents promise to take you somewhere and when the day arrives for some reason you don't go? You know how you felt? Well growing up I always tried to never promise something that I could not keep. When we planned our trip I promised the kids would have a wonderful time-broken. I promised that we would go places and see things that would make us want to stay-broken. I promised them that on the weekend relatives would take us to the zoo as unlike the US it only cost 1.50 for a whole family to go-broken. I promised my son high-speed internet so we could stay in touch with friends and family-finally got that one after a month. It has been horrible the past few days here. I tried to explain that unlike my Libyan counterparts, women in the USA go outside the home. I mean my sister-in-law goes to her parents house and has visitors. And the language isn't an issue so she has no problem staying around the house for days on end. She also has a toddler. I have five growing children who are use to going to the parks and playing outside girls and boys. The boys are pretty much able to run free, but it is not proper for the girls to be out without their brothers. Ok, tell me of one teenage boy who likes to be around his sister.
Not wanting a problem I have stayed up in my apartment the last few days. Last night my mother-in-law asked me to come out. I went down and told her I was not feeling very happy so I had stayed inside. Why did I not sit outside? What's the blame difference! Sitting is sitting no matter where you do it. If I'm going to be pissed I'm better off alone. Last week I had promised the kids we would take the cab and go to the zoo. Seeing as that week was clash of the titans we didn't go. Even though a large group of American ladies were to meet that day at the zoo without transportation how was I to go. I told my brother-in-law and he promised that we would go soon and all enjoy the zoo together. Well here it is a week later and we still have not gone. I really regret taking the kids here without their dad. I have done my best to respect the family and not speak ill of them, but how do you encourage someone to stay here if you lock them inside and toss the keys. I know this is how women live here. But I see plenty walking the streets and alleys each day from the windows of my home. So why are they out? Is it just my family that stays inside all day sweeping endlessly and sleeping all day long. I know of siestas but this is ridicules. I tried to tell them I don't mind staying inside but the girls especially want to go out and at least go swimming. That is free and walking distance. No, its too hot or not the time for girls to swim. Or sorry it is too late to go now.
Anyway I was speaking outside with my mother-in-law trying to tell her I understand this is her life, but it isn't my life. I don't want to disrespect the family but I need social interaction at least. But apparently except for my other sister-in-law's house I can't go to visit other people. There are neighbors who speak English but we are not allow to visit them for some unexplained reason. I got a few movies on the one outing I did get this week. I was crying most of the day and a sister came and took me out. We of course walked and the girls desperate for going out just had to come and two of her kids joined us. Well I had been looking for something for my tomgirl to wear as they keep talking of a party that has yet to materialize. So we hit the stores on the opposite side of the main street. She had made my brother-in-law batty the last time going out as why cant you find something. You just need a dress. Yeah a dress for a girl who hates dresses. Jeans are the new style with the horrible cropped legs that only twiggy can wear. And she is heavy so nothing can come above the thighs. Even though she has probably lost 10 or more pounds since we have been here she is still large in the legs. No dressing rooms and any mom with a tomboy knows how it is just to get them to try on something that even remotely resembles a girlie outfit. I finally found a pant set that had a stretch waist with baggy legs and ordered her to try it on. She was almost in tears and the kids were running amok around the store. My children know better but being locked up all week they misbehaved as well. I was totally embarrassed as to their behavior. Well I knew there was a CD store down the street and the kids pointed it out and we crossed the street. You remember holding hands with kids to cross a busy street no way! My sisters daughter ran across the street in oncoming traffic and I almost had a heart attack. What's the problem? Oh that it is getting late and maybe a car would not see her. Well we got to the store and it was prayer time so the store was temporarily closed and we stood and waited for the man to return. It was getting dark and I know how dad feels about being out after dark. Finally the man returned and we found a quick collection of movies that we could watch. Six movies for 4 dollars. That's to buy folks. So yesterday I sat all day watching them. One was no good as the picture was gone about halfway through the disk. Ok can one of you boys go return it? No, why do we have to do it. Anyway later I was ushered outside and after a bit my father in law came up. First time I had seen him in two days. I greeted him and he looked at me in anger. How do I greet him now. Where was I all day. I tried to explain that I was sad and had stayed upstairs cleaning and doing laundry. No, why didn't I come down and sit with the family. I told him I was sick of sitting. I needed to go out and what was there to do downstairs anyways. Oh there was plenty to do. Sweeping the carpets and cement and cooking. My brother-in-law and his wife were leaving tomorrow and who was going to cook now? Hell how do I know. The one day I did cook no one ate it. Or they were polite but I know it wasn't how they like it but were trying to be kind. Well think how we feel. We have been here a month an the kids hate most of the meals. A big bowl of pasta with one or two small pieces of bone with a touch of meat on them for 7 people. Yummy, cant wait for dinner. How about fish stew with the heads still on. Yummy, when only two people in your family like fish. The kids were grossed out with the heads and refused to eat. I had given my brother 100 dollars to buy meat with. Why did we need meat? Did we not eat meat? NO......We haven't. But I guess I upset my father in law again. When you have a diabetic daughter pastas are hazardous to her health and I told them we need protein as much to help counter the sugars. No one has listened. So I have to guard her carefully. Beans also the kids hate. Life is so much fun. Beware of what you ask for you just might get it.

Sugar and Spices

2006-08-04T23:02:00.000-06:00

No, this one is not what you think it is about. This one is about telling it like it really is. Before coming to Libya I spent a great deal of time trying to learn all I could about what to expect of life here as compared to life in the USA. I spoke to people on the internet who lived here and people who had lived here and ones who had visited in the past and recently. I thought I was pretty prepared for most any situation I could encounter.
I guess I have got screwy wires or something. Its not the place or the people but the situations you can be in that you have no control over. I heard that most of the American ladies that came before me had a rough time adjusting to life here and how each one had made it through and stayed here in Libya or at least wanted to visit it again.
Thing is no one ever told me exactly what went wrong with their trip or stay. Well you all know that I am here alone with five kids. None of whom speak Arabic beyond hi and how are you. I have a good feel for the language but my speaking is limited and I don't always get everything that someone is saying. So, I felt at least I had a better chance than most ladies who came without one word of Arabic under their belt. At least they had their hubbies to help out with the translating. Most tell of being restricted from going out or doing things that we were use to before and having hubbies that revert back no matter how long they have lived outside of Libya.
I don't know if any other woman came with children other than toddlers to Libya, beyond a visit. If so I would have loved to have spoken with you more.
It is not that my husbands parents and family are not wonderful people they really are good people with the best of intentions. Its just in the USA I am the one who takes charge of all the family needs beyond earning the money to pay the bills. I may not be perfect at it but I did it. Take away that and you have nothing. I did all my housework at home with little effort. Everything is available here if you can afford it. It may not be in your city or it may cost more but in general you can now get anything. Here is more of why do you need that? When sweeping the carpet with a broom can get it done why do you need a vacuum? Mops are a joke a rag over a squeegee and if you don't have a bucket you keep running back to the sink to rinse. Courtyards are always needing to be swept and washed off. Except for the sweeping part why do you need to wash cement?
Most will find you are also locked up for a bit. Ok, I had gotten use to staying home but day after day is capable of driving someone batty. If your family is not very social as mine are you can go crazy even faster if you cannot speak with people and no TV with english you can go nuts. I got so depressed lately I stayed inside my apartment for the last two days. I really do like it here but I need to get out. No one wants to go anywhere and all the men who are suposed to be taking you places hate to do it. You sit all day waiting for someone to think it is now cool enough to go out and they say oh I want to go see my friends. Why should I have to take them out? Even though Libya is modern and women are allowed to drive here, you may want to think twice about driving for a bit. Unless you are accustom to a large metropolitan city with way to many cars, you may find that a taxi or relatives may be the best shot for transportation for a bit. Don't rely on hubby either. If he needs a job he will be gone til around 4 pm each day. I found most things I need are within walking distance of the home but I have yet to see those cute carts the old ladies use anywhere in Libya. Add it to your bring it list. As for electronics or modern conviences. Yeah they have it all again it is a matter of money and availability. I have yet to see a boombox in a local store. The ones I have seen they say costed a few hundred dollars or more and even the smallest ones are very expensive. You can bring your own but get a good quality power converter before you come. Bring a few things like your cellphones and hairdryers and most any electronic item will need them and if you got kids try listening to them bicker over who gets the converter next. Computers are very cheap here but I need to warn you of quality here. There are many imitations here. I sent my son out for a boombox and he brought back what I first thought was a Panasonic. Ok, then I looked more closely at the spelling somehow it was wrong. Panasoninic was how it was spelled. Fake. And get to know the shops, if you need to return something there are no receipts so hope you have a honest dealer. So far that hasn't been an issue. Clothing and household items are also interesting. They have some of the latest fashions here but most are Asian imports. Beware of quality again. I had a pair of pants that split the seam 20 minutes after my daughter put them on. There are seamstresses in town so if you don't sew, you can get them repaired. I would bring my own sewing machine if you own one. The only one I have seen so far was a old handcrank model from maybe the early 1900's. Still working as it was metal. Not electronic. You can get all the latest movies and music if you look around but quality can again be an issue. Most are copies so they are very cheap but you may pay for the fact they wont work on an older dvd player. I have two that I bought last year and they could not read them. Also they have no controls functioning so no skipping through them. And they have Arabic subtitles on many of them. Music is another item. Yes you can find most of the popular singers but again it is copies. Mostly from TV programs from what I have found locally. Ask around, better yet bring your own. Finally medicines. You can get just about anything at the corner markets that have a pharmacy in them. No prescription needed so be careful if you have teens who could be using drugs or over the counter meds. Bring what you can if you have medical issues that would be safer. Then find one of those books that tell you what a medication can do. It is handy. But I don't encourage self medication for someone who does not know medications. My niece was sick yesterday with a fever and I prefer home remedies and herbs if possible. Ginger will take a fever down as well as peppermint teas. If you don't have tylenol handy. I think I will begin posting some ideas from my books that I brought for anyone who needs something and cant find it. Oh well enough for now this one will probably get an add on but I need to let the son have the computer again. Bye for now.

The Clash of the Titans

2006-07-31T09:55:00.000-06:00

Well sorry its been a bit since I wrote. See I had started a job and from the first day there was trouble with me and my father-in-law. First he didn't want me to even work. Why when my husband was sending money did I need to work? Then when money did not arrive I began to wonder if I had been abandoned in Libya. Finally a few days before starting the job my husband called and said he could send money western union just needed a name to send it to. Sounds easy right? Nope, not if you have no idea where a western union is at. I remembered that my friend had taken me to a big hotel in the city and that the man said that the western union would open in a week. Ok what was the name of the hotel? Took me a month to get that info. Anyway, my father in law was getting upset with me. I had stopped after work one day an picked up some hot chicken to treat the family with and he was livid. I was late and where had I been. I explained but it didn't help. The next day I was angry as they had informed me that my youngest daughter had headlice and I wanted to treat her right away. They said they had no medicine for it so I looked in my medical herbs and remedies book and found a mixture of vinegar and water would kill lice. I needed vinegar. A bit of explaining and finally my sister-in-law knew what I needed. I wanted to see if the corner market had some. I walked to the door and said I would be right back. Oh no, my father informed me. Send one of my sons it was late for women to be out. The store was right outside our gate and yet I could not go outside. They had no idea what I needed so he said wait till tomorrow. Ok, and in anger I stormed upstairs. The next morning I was still angry and spent the day cleaning house as being gone all week, I had a big pile of laundry to do. I finished and still no one had brought vinegar. I asked the kids if they wanted to go swimming. This was one thing my husband had given me permission to do without guidance. Sure they replied. And we dressed and left the house. We walked down to the ocean to find out to our dismay that for as far as the eye could see were men. No ladies. Ok, so now what? I knew that the area we had came was close to my husbands brothers house and we headed in that direction. Soon we were lost. But I had a general idea of where we were at. Finally hot and tired we found the street and came out a few houses up from the family home. A good neighbor saw us and invited us in. We went in a sat for too long as it always goes. Soon it was dark. The family found out where we were and had sent a message for me to come home. I was asked to go to my brother-in-laws house. So off I went. I arrived an was ushered into the room where I was told that I was to no longer work. I was wandering the streets unescorted and I could have been lost. Ok, I apologized. I was sorry I had offended the family. But what about my work? Why must I quit? Father was mad and that was all that mattered. So again, in anger I went home. I called my friend to tell her to let the work know my dilemma. I was not allowed phone calls, to who did I need to call? And during the day we were limited on phone use as what if my brother in law needed to call home or his wife needed to call someone. My cellphone was on its last few minutes and with no money how could I recharge it so I was saving it for a big emergency. Ok. So be it.
The next morning I awoke to wails from the neighboring house. What was happening? I saw a man putting up a tent and thought maybe the family was grieving as when a bride leaves the home. I went downstairs and from my mother-in-law I understood that someone had died. My father-in-law had told me it was someone the kids had met. I felt sorry for the family. Later we dressed and went next door. Many women sat under the tented area. A few cried softly and others wailed. One woman in total grief ran from the area and I pursued her to a post where she had banged her head and pulled her away. She pulled loose and ran outside to the open area. No cover and in a sleeping gown. No site for men to see. I pulled her quickly back into the yard and took her to sit down. She passed out. I checked her pulse and we doused her face with water. I checked the spot and saw she had a large cut on her head. It was swelling. No ice. I ran to my home and got an icepack from our fridge and returned. After a bit of time she was revived. Later another woman began to be distressed and I again I jumped to restrain her from harming herself. Shortly after we left I am sure that I had made a spectacle of myself. I returned to my apartment to rest. A bit later one of my husbands sisters arrived and we were talking about the neighbor's death. To my anguish I learned that he was family. An uncle of my husbands father who had diabetes and he had died during the night. I began to cry. I remembered this man. He spoke with me after my arrival. He spoke excellent English and said how many family members had died waiting to see my husband again and that he hoped to live to see him again. He appeared in good health so why not a few more months and he would arrive. Sadly, his wish was not answered. So for now I am back in the home. Money has arrived to the western union now and I need the transfer number so we can get it. My husband had given the number to the relative who had answered the phone but they had not written it down so we needed to call again for the number. I worked things out with dad. I am to ask to go outside and get his permission. No problem, I understand and I am to take an escort so I won't get lost again. God forbid someone should talk about that Faris families wayward daughter. Oh well life goes on. I have high speed as of today so now I can keep you more informed. And not working leaves me more time for internet now. Oh happy day. On a footnote. I finally got the number and after another day I was able to go get my money. I also went to my job who was glad to see that I was out at least. I informed her that my brother-in-law and a daughter were waiting in the car downstairs. We chatted a bit and I profusely apologized for the problems caused by the family but they understood. Funny the day of the funeral my father-in-law had asked why I was not dressed yet. Huh? You told me not to work! No, he said that in the evening when we had talked he had forgiven me and if I wanted to continue working that was fine just abide by coming straight home. He was to bring food for the family not me. Oh my God, not again. Just like his son. I told him sorry I was not going to go through continual problems of late cabs or I had done something wrong. So I shall sit at home. Its not too bad really. My house has never been cleaner. Maybe I will be a better housekeeper when I go home. Myself I hope we stay here but there are many factors that need to be resolved. You think it is rough for me. Wait till hubby comes home. I have about a hundred relatives who will either kiss him to death or beat him. Lets hope the kisses are first. And another thing, I didn't bring our birthcertificates for the kids. Why did I need them? The kids had passports for Libya. Those are temps I have been told and with no family book I cannot get new ones. Any suggestions? I have sent word to see if certified copies could be sent by email to the Corinthian hotel. I don't know of anything else to do. We may not be able to leave as it is. Dual-Citizenship and all. I did register with the state travel bureau today. If anyone has any ideas let me know. Finally, how to find me. If you are familiar with Tajura find the turnaround with the well in the middle. There are two in the area. There is a large government building on the west side of the turnaround. The road is unfinished about a quarter of the way down the block with another crossover in the middle of the section. There is a small alley next to a building with green doors and writing on it. I think it is a meat market. Something for men I am told. We are walking distance from the Tajura Bank. Ask in that area for the Abdulsalam Mohammed Ali Faris family. Go down the alley and find Jaffars market it has a white car broken down in front that is the alley for our house. On all sides are Faris homes. Maybe some of you ladies living in the area will stop by and visit. Khadijah Teri and Janel Salim have visited me so if they can find the house you can too. If you have daughters around the ages of 12 my daughter Aieysha would be most grateful for english company. I guess I can have visitors! I will try to get someone to go out and take some photos of the main streets so you can find me better. Landmarks are a girlscouts best friend! Thanks for reading and caring everyone.

American Traditions

2006-07-17T23:14:00.000-06:00

Well I guess I'm about as american as you can get even though I have been muslim for 25 yrs. There are still some things that make us stand out above the women of another middle east country. Independance would probably be one of my biggest. My husband was in a horrible car accident about 14 yrs ago and at the time I had two small children and one on the way. We went from over 5,000 a month salaries to less than 800 a month and we had just bought our house not too many months back. Well I have many talents and once my husband was able to fend for himself I went back to work. Here is no different. Hubby is not around and I need to be able to be a bit more american on my money! So, I asked around for some work. Teaching here offers the highest salary so I am looking into that as a first option. Transportation is another issue. I'm not quite yet ready to venture out in a car by myself but each time I do go out I watch for familar landmarks. That is about the only way I know to get around. Within walking distance is more stores than I would need in a general week back home so everything is close. I found a store for electronics as well. Wowwww a TV or air conditioner is very appealing. But my eyes are on the bug zapper and stoves first. I do my laundry in the bath tub as it was so hard to take wet laundry upstairs. They only had two lines downstairs and the air is better upstairs so I strung two lines on my balcony. Most of the women hardly leave the house so that is something once I get settled in I would not mind hardly but for now I need to rely on myself for getting things. At home I do pretty much everything. Take the kids to school or activities, shopping for everything and even gas for my car. So I know I need to settle down a bit but I know that I also need to be aware of where I am at in the city. With problems in Isreal and Palestine, you need to know where you are! I did find out the family apparently has a shelter. It is covered but I guess being so close to the ocean front it is good knowing they have one. The homes here are so different. Each one with its own unique flair. I will try to take some pictures this week of some of the ones close by. Well I need to go as but one other tidbit. I made corn on the cob american style last night. The corn here is roasted on the stove till slightly burnt and my kids were wanting boiled corn so we got some last night. I guess like us some foods just aren't the same. My sister in law does not like butter so she would not even try one plain. Oh it was good even if it was still not quite done. But most of the family gave it a try. Haha.

A Week and Counting

2006-07-13T15:54:00.000-06:00

Well after I posted the others I realized that many people had commented on some things that I thought would be neat to tell you more about. First, my house was built by my father-in-law. Back many years ago, he had five businesses for building houses. All the iron work and cabinets and tile work he did. So yes it is beautiful, how could it be anything less? Next, is the outhouse. Hey as compared to the one I grew up with it is modern. It flushes. And has an actual toilet. I was one of those kids who had a wooden outhouse with the moon cut in the door for light and a stool that you sat on that covered the hole for waste. Don't think about what came up. If you ever roughed it in the mountains you know what I am talking about. I spoke about corncobs. well I wish they were like what we eat in the USA, but they skin them and roast them over a fire to eat. Burnt and tough. I told my sister-in-law I would show her american corncobs one day soon. I found out they have butter but not in the house. As to my pantry at home the cupboards are a bit bare and lacking of many of the spices that I am use to using. I guess they have them I just haven't found a store yet that had more than a few items of staples. I can't believe that in walking distance I have over 50 stores I can go to. From haircuts to household items. I even found the hardware store with appliances. Boy those big washers looked so nice. And they have microwaves too. Guess what I want first? I'm doing laundry in my kitchen sink as my mother-in-law thinks I use to much water. Well with a daughter with exema what can I do. So what they don't see. And I strung two lines off my balcony so I can hang those undies out of sight of the men in the family. The kids actually made me breakdown today. Nothing is like they are use too but I tell them oh well. You can either get use to it or we go back plain and simple. Family politics came into play yesterday. My youngest stubbed her toe and was crying and they grocery guy took her to his house to fix it. Well no one knew where she was at and you don't go yelling down the street "Fatimah". They informed me that she was at the grocers house and I went to see if she was ok. Of course I was invited in and after a bit of chatting in arabic and english and italian we had tea and coffee and cakes. They were so nice. I later found out that they were relatives of a friend of my hubby. He works in Canada and helped me get through all the hastles of getting here. But when I went back home they family was saying oh she should not go out by herself and visit people. Hey they don't know my social butterfly! Anyway I promised that I would tell her not to go to peoples houses without me knowing. What do I have to worry for here? Everyone for at least five streets knows who we are and where she lives. You wonder how I know so many languages? Well I met my husband through and ESL student of mine. I can understand the jist of most languages if I pay attention. A god given gift I guess. Plus I worked with deaf and blind kids most of my teen years so mine and minic get me pretty far. Mafeesh is hardly spoken each day. Today some ladies stopped by and were chatting with us and my father-in-law joined us. Well they asked me to go get a cushion I thought and when I brought one and told him to sit down he raised his cane and shook it at me. Well me in all my american glory chased him around the area and told him that I was sorry he wanted a chair instead. The ladies rolled with laughter. Me chasing a 81 yr old man around the room. He so reminds me of my hubby in our earlier years. And he tells me I am just like his wife. My hubby use to tell me the same thing.. I commented to her that I love the Libyan old womans cover and that I wanted one. And she told me that how is it that none of her daughters wanted to wear it but me the american woman wants one? Her daughters laughed when we repeated the story. I love old cultures. Send me back a few hundred years and I would probably be more happier. Although I do love hot water and toilets. But hey even the Romans had hot water and toilets. Well better go my son has complained all week why we didnt get hi-speed internet yet? So what internet cards we have he is using. I hope to resolve him and his internet soon. Anyone know of a good job I can get for a few months? Swaya arabi, but english is a plus. I can do just about any job if given the chance. Khadijah I haven't forgotten you. I lost your number so please email me so I can meet up with you. Then if you know where the Murad Agha mosque is we can meet there if necessary as I live walking distance from it but there are no address or streets so I guess we can figure out something. Ok keep looking back for more. oldmomma.

Tour Two

2006-07-13T15:32:00.000-06:00

Ok, here is the bathtub and shower as you can see no curtains. And my hubby better learn to like green as this is all around the room and the full floor to ceiling. I need a few linen closets built for storage but otherwise it will do until I can remodel with time. Next is a open foray that is just inside the gate. It can allow the women to enter here and the men go to the side of the house. The room you see is the laundry room. I need to get some flowers going here if we stay. Next is the view of my bedroom ceiling. I guess he paid quite a pretty penny to have it done as it lights all different colors and has multiple lights that are so nice. Any one for a date? These are right outside of my window and with a broom you can knock them down. They should be ready by Ramadan time. Otherwise the house is pretty simple for now but let me have a hand and I can show them how us americans can fix up a place. Colors is the word and lots of herbs and flowers. Since Colorado has been in drought for the last few years I know just what I can plant and with all the laundry I do I should have plenty of water to keep stuff happy.

A Tour of the House

2006-07-13T15:17:00.000-06:00

Well I finally took a few pics of my place and I know it isnt what most people would expect but if I stay I am sure making a few changes. Furniture and kitchen items first. This is my main livingroom in my flat. It goes out onto a balcony that looks north. I hung some clothes lines out there as there was not enough downstairs for my big family. And it is better for those undies! The next pic is my boys room simple for now but I will fix it up if we stay. Next is the kitchen. This wall is the sink and I have a large wall of cabinets and finally got a fridge. Hopefully a stove soon but only if we are staying do I really need one. As most cooking is done on the main level of the house. The next is a view of my girls room. It is actually the womens living room but hey i have kids so oh well. It is a large room so I will fix it for all three girls. Maybe a murphy bed set so we can use the room for guest also? My room and the bathroom photos disapeared so I guess I need a second pic blog. I will try to take pics of the city this weekend. A thousand things to buy if I stay and a broom and mop from the usa is high on my list. The quality here is weak and you spend so much time cleaning that I want a good broom.

Blast from the Past

2006-07-08T20:52:00.000-06:00

The other day I wondered where my in-laws went to the bathroom as I have a bathroom on my level but I had seen no bathroom on the main level. My kids informed me that the room by the garage held the bathroom. I peaked inside the other morning after taking this shot. Hey it was much nicer than any outhouse I went in as a kid. I try to tell people that not much can surprise me as when I was a child I was living on a farm in Florida. Our outhouse was never as nice and hey this one was free of cockroaches.

Down the Alley

2006-07-08T20:46:00.000-06:00

This is also a view as seen from the next floor of the home that leads to a main road if you can call it that. More like a alleyway. If you notice the house with the carpets, behind it is the house of my sister-in-law Khadijah. I was looking for a bit of fresh air and asked the kids to show me where the home was as since I had arrived I had not left the courtyards of the home. Wow less than a block and there were corner markets selling bread and brooms. I haven't been there yet but I need a broom so maybe I will check it out as I need a broom for my level.

Views to the West

2006-07-08T20:36:00.000-06:00

I guess you could call it a view! This is the stairway that winds itself up through my family home and each level is marble staircase with a colored glass wall that extends all the way up past my brother in laws home to the roof where if we so choose we can add more levels. I am surprized at the level of marble and tile used here. Large pieces that I am use to seeing cost hundreds of dollars are everywhere. They do not polish the stone quiet like we do but if I ever had the tools I would round the edges and polish them to a high sheen but it would take many months to do all the marble I have in the home.

Views to the South

2006-07-08T20:29:00.000-06:00

As I loaded this picture the speakers around me began to call the adan for morning salat. The first night I had barely slept from the roosters in the field and just as I was to sleep the adan was begun and it reminds me of how in the US we have sirens that sound around the city in the event of tornadoes. But this is a call to prayer. If you notice in this pic you can see a square box on the roof of the house in the distance. This is where water is stored for the home. If you have a well pumps pull the water to the roof where it is stored and then distributed throughout your house. Two days ago I was washing laundry and the water began to sputter. In a few minutes we were out of water. No one who spoke english was around so in bits of arabic I learned that my brother in law needed to prime the pump again and in about an hour we had water again. Thank god as I needed to finish laundry.

Views to the East

2006-07-08T20:20:00.000-06:00

This is the view where my sun rises each morning and it is a field of clover grass and a field ready to be planted. This is the direction of the mosque from the sounds that I hear each day. Next to this field is an area that has a chicken pen and this holds the roosters who have been my alarm clock for the past week. Date palms line the area but this is the largest group.

Rooms with a View North

2006-07-08T20:10:00.000-06:00

You wonder what the bird feels like sitting in her cage looking out at the world? Well, that is what it is like for many women in the world. Being a homebody isn't bad but some days a change of secenery is due. I woke up and had promised all week to take some more pictures of our home and surrounding area. I went to the windows of my second floor apartment and shot early morning views. So to the north, south, east and west here are my views. Not having a compass I can only go by the sun as I have seen it rise and fall so this is from the north my view off the balcony of my main livingroom. If you can see there is many homes as this looks out from what was a community well now gone dry. It is marked with the names of some of the children of the family so I guess this is the well my husband spoke of as hiding in so he would not be called for chores. There is a walking path that I have seen men walking through and hearding sheep.

First Impressions

2006-07-07T07:52:00.000-06:00

First Impressions are usually what make or break a relationship so putting the best foot forward is always best. The family men arrived at the airport to take us home and probably drove the slowest for what I have seen so far. I came to the house and was greeted by my husbands sisters and brothers and mom and dad. How many tears were shed? Where was my husband and when would he arrive? Who is who and can I remember names five minutes from now? We bustled and finally went up stairs to see our section of the house. The house to me was beautiful but a farcry from what I was use too. I was sitting in a large room first and when we went up two flights of stairs I was shown my portion of the house. A large family room with a bedroom and a second family room to the right that will have to be a bedroom for now. Then through a doorway to a kitchen on the left a bathroom in the middle and a bedroom for me to the right. All the rooms are about three times bigger than what I am use to though. The bathroom was probably the most interesting.
You got the toilet that plugs if you put paper in it so you need to put it in a baggy to toss. Then the bidet is next to the toilet but no water you got a hose off the side of the main toilet to use. Then the sink and cupboards are in front of you and the tub is to my right. Tub is a shower to with the plumbing on the side but does not have a curtain. The ceiling is about 20 ft tall so forget hanging from the ceiling. The room is large so the average curtain rod would never reach so lock the door and undress. The floor is tile so if water goes out you squeegee it to the hole in the floor. Best way to clean a bathroom. Toss water and rinse. The kitchen has homemade cupboards but they are not to bad. The counter is covered with marble tile that is so thick it would cost hundreds of dollars to buy in the USA. Other than that the kitchen has a table as a stove and fridge were not bought yet they are waiting to see if we stay to buy one. Since the family eats together that has not been much of an issue yet. But I sure miss my water cooler!
The main level is a large open room probably around 2000 sq ft. This is the main room during the day or for ladies. To the right there is a room for men and two smaller rooms. My inlaws sleep there. There is a kitchen to the left. The kitchen has a large propane stove that I was afraid to light but now I'm cool and a fridge and counters with plenty of cupboards. The sink is placed so high though that I strain my back washing dishes. I think it was built for taller people.
After two days I finally got to go out of the house and I was shown the old home that was attached to my house on the left. This was the home my husband remembers. A smaller version of the one we have now. That had a hoot of a bathroom. You straddle a hole in the floor to go potty! It is not in use now but it can be refurbished for future use.
I went outside of the home and went through a large gated area to see the outside world that I had viewed from the many rooms of my home. Wow across the street (if you want to call it that, more like an alley) was a bread market with small items for sale. I crossed the path and was shown the doorways to my sister-in-laws house. I came unexpected so I was bustled to the marbouah. This one was for the ladies and was quite nice with arabian couches that went around the room. After a bit I was told that my old friend has arrived so I hurried back to the house and found a room full of women I had to meet. After tea and chocolates I was excused and we went for a quick drive around the city. I went as far as the Green Square and saw the ocean on the right. There were people selling corncobs about every 20 ft along the ocean front. Traffic is another issue so you need to be on constant guard for what lies in front, to the side, and all around you. Accidents are a part of life here. Well this gives you a taste of my first days with so many ahead. Keep coming back for more and I will post pics soon.

2006-07-05T22:49:00.000-06:00

D day arrived an we boarded the plane with 20 bags and 8 carryons. The flight was so long and we felt like sardines much of the way. Where are those big seats all the airlines talk about? We made it to Amsterdam without a hitch and that was the first place we could actually stop. Well we went to the lounge upstairs and tried to have a few minutes. Without euros I was stuck for food and on one flight we almost lost one of the carrybags. Thanks to God we had packed a bag with snacks. I sat in the lounge for a bit while the kids changed clothes and funny with all that i packed it seemed like nothing fit or could not find the clothes i thought I had packed. We went downstairs to see about changing money and the kids had put down the tickets! I sent two kids to look in the last place we had sat and I was freaked when they did not see the tickets so I went there and did not find them also. I started to cry. Stuck in Amsterdam! Some people figured out what I was upset about and said they had seen the cleaning people with a envelope! I found imformation and thank god the tickets were there.
Last leg of trip we finally arrived in Tripoli. I didn't think the Mediterainnian was so BIG! When we arrived over Tripoli all we could see was sand. Where was the green? When we got off the plane I was unsure of where to go and found some people who kind of gave directions. You know just go that way! After we passed through a door a man in Kacki pants started speaking to the boys and I had no idea what he wanted. Well they were looking for us as uncle Salem was there. We made it through locating all the luggage and got 4 cars to get us home. Half the men in the family had came. The trafic was another story one I am sure anyone here knows all to well. In America it would be like Nascar in New York with no traffic lights. Sorry, I did see two traffic lights in the full distance between Tripoli and our house.
We finally arrived and they hustled us through a door into a large area. Boy it was a big as our mosque inside. And my husbands mother and father were waiting inside with his sisters. Talk about tears of JOY. After like a thousand kisses we finally sat down. We got a short visit and they sent us upstairs to unpack and rest. Fatimah got the tour of the property and found all of grandpas chickens and ran one off the first day. I met it seems like a thousand people all relatives or relatives of relatives! One lady is 110. Well for some reason half of what I had just typed dissapeared. The house is got no fidge or stove yet so I have to go to the main level for now. And the leftovers go to the sheep and chickens. Well so much to say and do and see. Will get pics posted soon! You know how first few days are. Fatimah is already asked for by her auntie Khadijah for her cousin Mohammed hey he is 25 so I said ok but let her get a little bigger first. She said ok and proceeded to figure out who else gets who. Hey keep them in the family. Well our fun has just begun so keep looking for updates.

Any Reservations?

2006-06-30T10:51:00.000-06:00

Well we are down to one day left before our trip and many people question my sanity in going to the ME region at all. Well a promise is a promise. I want to go and my kids deserve to go so that is the simplest explanation I can give. Trouble can be found anywhere lately. I will keep aware of my surroundings as much as possible and try to be as Libyan as I can haha! God knows all things so for this reason I leave my decisions in his hands. I wanted to be in Libya in May and he saw to it that I go in July. Hey its only 5-7 degrees hotter there than here right now so what's a few more degrees. And I will be able to see the ocean again. I was watching a program on sharks in the Mediterranean yesterday and I promise to stay out of the deep water. Otherwise I have no fears for travel to Libya. A good friend of mine came yesterday to visit, she went to Libya in 1990. She stayed 6 months before she had to return to the USA as one of her children suffered from seizures and they could find no answers there. She wishes she was coming also. She loved Libya! I have made a vow to keep her abreast of all my parties and visits I make. We are two of the three muskateers! Janel my friend in Libya was the third. She left in 90 also but stayed in Libya. I can't wait to see her. We have both changed and grown from the young married ladies we once knew but with time I think we will be the same as we were before. Three of her kids were like my babies here. Now they are young adults, will they remember auntie? I know they do but that was the memories of children. I remember Janel telling me that Sakina asked when we were going to my house just days after they arrived in Libya. I got the same recently from my 6 yr old when she said, "Oh we can see grandma and then go to school next week!" With year-round school we will miss almost two months of the new school year. So I am not sure of what we will do when we return.
Maybe a year overseas will be nice! The girls all want to stay from now so I just have to convince the boys!

Our Goodbyes and See Ya later's

2006-06-19T09:01:00.000-06:00

Since we don't yet know if we will end up living in Libya, I have had a hard time in saying Goodbye to people. We are scheduled for a round-trip yet life there may be more than we ever imagine and so staying is an option.
I have two older daughters from my first marriage who are taking things in various ways. My oldest Rachael, has two children and has lived in Texas since the kids were born. I saw her last year when she remarried to a wonderful man named Dale. He loves her to no end. Rachael was also the child of my high school sweet heart and we found out 4 years ago that he was living in the USA again. He was never sure if he had a child as he left to the military when I was just 4 months pregnant. Well, last year he came to meet his daughter for the first time and walked her down the isle. Funny he hadn't changed a bit! I met his wife a lovely lady from Europe named Uba. Well needless to say they are both wonderful people. Recently they offered her assistance in buying a home so they decided that moving back to Utah would be great as this was were Rachael and Melissa grew up. They arrived last week. She has been showing her husband and my grandkids the town and even went to the old house and showed the kids her footprints in the cement on the driveway. And they even stopped in to Farr's Ice Cream Parlor for a scoop of shamrock mint and grape ambrosia.
My second daughter Melissa is having a bit harder time thinking about mom living overseas. She moved to me after my ex-husband died 7 years ago. She never really felt like home with us to many years of untruths had gotten in the way. So she left us and married a wonderful man as well, Mike. They live not to far from me but with work I rarely see them. As of yet she has no children and we talked about me coming when she does have kids so I can see them. To her I am dying. If I stay in Libya she will only see me occasionally and may never see all of her siblings again. She is dealing with this in her own way, yet I cannot begin to help her.
The older kids don't even want to think of staying, as they see life here as the only possible way to live. I want them to have family and with my family there is no family. So seeing my husbands family is the only hope I have for the opportunity of them understanding the bonds that can exist when families love each other. Military life was so much easier. You never had a choice you just did as you were told. Finally, I try not to say goodbye. Only see you later. I don't know what lies ahead for us only God knows that answer.
P.S. if for some reason anything happens to me or my family I am telling everyone that Rachael and Melissa have rights to the china cabinet and the hope chest my only worldly possessions. God forbid something were to happen but in this day and age it is better to plan ahead. And in the event of a major issue they are my power of attorney for all matters regarding our property and assets. All living children shall divide equally all assets and the older children shall have rights over care of the younger if they so choose or the younger children can remain with relatives in Libya. Let us pray that no problem as such arises yet to be prepared in case. And I have sent a link to this blog to each of my girls as evidence of this testimony.

All Our Bags are Packed and Ready to Go

2006-06-19T08:41:00.000-06:00

Well the airlines told me 2 bags checked for each person not weighing more than 50 lbs. And a carry on for each person of less than 20 lbs that can fit in an overhead. Well being a military brat I said hey lets just use boxes and save on the extra weight! I had five boxes packed each measured to exacting airline requirements. I had a bag of medical supplies for Fatimah and a bag for each of the other kids all ready. Well last Saturday my husband storms in and starts telling me I didn't know anything about packing! That we needed suitcases for everything! So off to find some bags. Well of course I had shopped for bags before so I knew how much they ran and the best places to buy them. But hey I don't know anything. So after 4 stores we ended up at the local Target the store I had first suggested, and found a deal on luggage. Eight pieces for 52.00$. A steal deal. The problem they only had one set left. So I asked if they could check availability at local stores. Well since the scan code was identical to another item but not the bonus deal, the store could not tell me just by the item code. So I had to call a few stores to find someone who could do a visual check. A store on the north side of town had 7 in stock. Well since it was tottering around 100 degrees that day we went home and ate lunch and then went out again. We got two more and he asked if I needed another one. I told him lets wait to see how the bags did and if I needed another set he could pick one up when he had time the next day.

Needless to say, I managed to pack everything into the bags. And I still have 200 lbs. To go! And two bags or boxes I can pack stuff in. We ended up buying another set when we finally went out to buy the final gifts for the family. But hey I now have a lifetime of luggage!

Funny, I look to my shopping here and wonder how different things will be in Libya? No Target or Walmart there. No superstores or mega malls. Although I don't go there I will miss how they cover the landscape of our city. I have a friend that has lived in Libya for 16 years now and I think how much our city has changed. If you don't know the main roads you would be lost. I went to a new mall area last week and boy what they accomplish in a few months. The even put in a mega cinema. Shall I tell Sister Khadijah just how soon houses and businesses are built here?

Passports and Visas

2006-06-08T08:23:00.000-06:00

Well even with planning ahead I guess we can expect a few roadblocks. The kids passports were sent out but they were not expected back until June 7th. Thankfully there was no more holidays to delay their return.
My visa on the other hand was another story. I sent it back to the embassy to ask for the stamping of my visa and was notified that they had no records of my visa application. So hey could I just redo all that again. NO. And as usual the lady who did know that it was done was on VACATION. So we had to wait till she returned. Then I found out that a 30$ fee was still unpaid from last year. So we sent that out. The kids got their passports just a expected yesterday and I put into a safe place their old ones and had them sign the new ones. As for travel, well with two delays that's another story.

Now we are headed out July 2, 2006. And will arrive July 3. Funny that's the day we buried my father 12 years ago. Aieysha wanted to buy fireworks to take to Libya but I told her the FAA would not allow it and since we would be in Libya till September 19th, we would see the Libyan independence Day on September 1st.

Our layover after leaving the USA will be in Schiphol, Amsterdam and I decided to Google some info on the city. Seems as it is famous for its urinals in the men's rooms.
See the small black spot? Well that's a fly painted onto the bowl. Guys just aim and shoot!! What mom wouldn't love a bowl like that for all the men in her house?
Well the next few weeks shall be packing and buying last minute items. And then we finally begin our journey.

Getting Set to Go

2006-05-20T12:24:00.000-06:00

Ok, let me just fill everyone in. I have been married to my husband for 20 Years this month and we have 5 kids between us. We tried to first go to Libya in 1990 and due to unforeseen circumstances never got there. Well, the kids have grown and I knew that if we didn't go soon we would never get there. So I set out to plan our trip early last year. I estimated end of May as a good travel time and began to make preparations. I went to the internet to learn all I could about my husbands homeland. We have many friends who have visited there and all said it was a honorable place to visit and how nice the people of Libya are. I knew that the embargo had left the country without many of the everyday items we consider necessities! How had the country recovered since the US had renewed negotiations?

First task was to inform the family and the kids. His family is very excited as he has not returned home since 1980. Now with five kids he is not the 19 year old child he was when he left. Many of his family members have passed away and kids he knew are now grown with children of their own. My kids are of course going through all sorts of emotions. Especially the oldest. Suhayb is 16 and plays Hockey for the HS hockey team. He's the goalie for the senior division and as we all know there is no hockey in Africa. Suhayl my 14 yr. Old is a gamer as well as most of the kids to a varying degree. Did the country have Nintendo or SEGA? Yep they do. Well the kids have pretty much come to a comfort level regarding the trip and are making the plans for early leave from school.

Medical Horror 101. My youngest Fatimah is a type 1 diabetic. Having had it since she was 1 we have pretty much gotten into a routine with her care. My next worry was care in case of an emergency while abroad. Medical facilities may have suffered greatly due to the embargo and medical supplies may be hard to get or are not stored properly. So, I am having to take months of supplies with me to safeguard her care. As well as all of her medical records.

Family Home. Most people from the ME region live with extended families all under one roof. I knew that I had a home that was ours but was someone living in it? Much to my surprise it is quite large and although my in-laws are in the lower level and my brother in law lives upstairs, I do have a second floor reserved for my family. After much searching I finally got enough data to locate the approximate area of the family home; as time had changed most of the landmarks my husband knew, finding his home was like finding a needle in a desert of sand. On notice of our arrival plans they have gone about cleaning and repairing the home to welcome us.

Cost. Well anyone can tell you any trip abroad can be expensive and times being what they are all flights are costly. We finally arranged a loan on the value of our home to help us defer the costs to travel as soon as possible. We are still looking at over 10,000 dollars for a round- trip journey.

Culture. Libya is modern as compared to most countries from what I can gather. Unlike other ME regions women can drive and work in just about any field. Students there have studied many technologies and most people now speak English for school and work. But, the people of Libya have a strong heritage of staying the same without change so you can still see men and women still wearing clothing from the early years of Libya. Music and Art are a big part of the culture and historical sites abound throughout the country. I hope we are able to explore the history of Libya while we are there.

Well this is just a start of a long journey. Hope you visit us often and stop by my profile at www.myspace.com/oldmomma to see how things are going and meet my family.