Catching Up

Got a few minutes this morning so I decided to stop in an post what has been going on lately.

I'm still happily working with my daughter and her husband and we have gone through at least 15 houses since I last wrote. Tile floors in a laundry room and some bathrooms was one of my favorites lately. I kept telling my son in law that in Libya they do not have grout lines. He kept insisting that they must or the floors would crack. I kept telling him that they mortar them down onto the cement floor and that the tile is far thicker in Libya than here in the USA. Finally I remembered that Khadijah Teri had posted a few recent pics of her house and the wonderful tile floor she had done. Ha ha no grout lines! I told him that I had hand scrubbed my floor while I was there enough to know there was no cracks in my floor and its over 26 years old.
While in the tile store picking up our tile order I saw a beautiful mosaic piece that cost 800 dollars. I started to laugh I was telling him how there was so much broken tile on the ground in Libya that I could start a mosaic tile business with all the free material lying around! OK ladies no getting any ideas.

The kids have begun seeing how much money mom is bringing home and they want in so they all got their work permits and will help us this summer. Wow this year we are down to Fatimah in year-round school. Khadijah is off to Junior High and Aieysha is now going to High School. Now I will be lucky if Suhayb graduates next year ;( Aieysha turned 14 this week and she wanted a Wii for her birthday. How many stores and all were out of them. She was a little disappointed but we told her as soon as we find one we will buy it. Suhayl plans on saving his money to buy a car when he turns 16 next year. At the rate he works he will have money for a good used car for sure. I'm hoping he will go for a truck. The rates are higher but we sure need one. I started putting my paycheck towards repairs on the house. Nice that I can decide what we get fixed and how much is spent. I bought a new security door for the front of the house and by the time I got all the new handles and a fancy touch pad entry lock it was most of my paycheck. I had it put in before the hubby came home! Aieysha went with me to find the door for the house and wanted the high gadget lock. No more keys. Enter a code and the door opens. I laughed and told her I need a fingerprint door for my room!
Hubby came home and baulked at the techno door. I told him he could use his key still he didn't have to push buttons. Darn him and his distaste for technology. And you wonder why we don't have cell phones. Oh well better get a move on its payday so all the teams will be coming in wanting their checks. Got to finish spraying a house we started yesterday. Write when I can. Off to work i go....hi ho hi ho.

Back to Work

I am sure some of you wonder where I have been lately. I went back to work about two weeks ago. I joined one of my daughters in her husband's family business of repairing houses for resale for government or private individuals.
It is amazing the houses we have done. From ugly ducks to swans in a few weeks time.
I work a full week and come home sore and tired to the bone. Don't let anyone tell you house repair is easy. It can be fun but there is days when you don't want to see another window or caulk behind another toilet that is in a very small room.
One house we are working on now is a newer home that someone came in an vandalized. They broke the patio door and a large picture window. Tore off the wooded stair rails and bashed all the walls on the main floor out with it. Then they used the wood to knock off cabinet doors and broke the toilet off from the upstairs bath. Imagine a two story wall that you need to drywall again.
All the work is getting me into shape for building our home in Libya.
Along the way I have seen some things that you see and say "oh I would love to have that" then when you got to clean it or paint it you realize I am thankful I don't have that. One house had walls that were capped over the kitchen so they formed a ledge and boy did the guys have fun painting the upper areas. The hallway had a very sharp angle that went up almost three stories. And those large walls of windows. Nice but try covering them to paint the walls. Corner bead walls are a pain too. Hard to get edges stright if they are going to be two different colors. And knock down walls are harder to paint than orange peel walls. Think twice if you ever buy a new home and you will be the one to paint it one day. Not to mention those light bulbs that are two stories up!!
After seeing how that poor home was damaged I was thinking how hard it would be to tear up a home that was made of cement blocks and plaster. I am going to get a air compressed powered sprayer for the walls of the courtyard my poor nephew did it by hand while I was in Libya and his arms hurt bad. With a air sprayer it would have been so much easier.

I am hoping to learn more about tile work and maybe some plaster work while I am at this job but in the end it all goes into the database of my knowledge gained in life. If I don't do it at least I will know if they didn't do it right!
Finally! My car will be getting repaired this week. We finally got the parts and they money so we hope to start this weekend on getting it running again. In my off time I am also getting my yard into shape, the flowers are starting to come up and the water ponds are all cleaned out and running again. I need to get a truck so I can remulch the front yard again. Still dry so I am thinking of what to do with the upper lawn. Stones or grass?

Last but not least, the kids are doing better. Fatimah's rash turned out to be strep infection. Suhayb's wounds healed up and he was left with a few blemishes that I hope will fade soon. Aieysha finished Wrestling class and did ok for her first season. She got a ear infection so she missed a few games. Suhayl celebrated his 15th birthday this month too. Funny, we went to order the cake and had wanted the words "Happy 15th ya spaz" written on it. The guy was japaneese and wrote "happy 15th spaz" instead. I think he thought it was his name! We all laughed at the guys looks when we asked him to write it. Last but not least Khadijah did well on her CSAPS exams as usual. I guess maybe I will get lucky and get a few smart kids out of seven. Talk again soon.

Bumps and Scrapes

How do I begin to tell the day I had! Seems just when you think things are getting better something happens to let you know you are not in control of anything!

Monday started out looking busy but I never dreamed how busy it would be. I had been helping a friend with their taxes and it had spit it back to me for almost two weeks with errors that I could just not figure out. So in desperation I called them to see what my error was. They said her birth date was incorrect. I called and triple checked the info yet it still came back so the lady informed me that we would have to go to the local IRS office. This was last Thursday. We got there and if anyone knows your gonna have a wait. We waited three hours. We finally got our number called only to find out we didn't have a paper she needed. So we had agreed to go on Monday to get it done again. On Friday, my youngest broke out in a rash and I took her to the doctor. They thought it was a rash from something she had eaten. Since the day before was the first day she had been out I called my friend to see if she had eaten anything different while she was there. No. The doctor assured me she would be fine the next day. On Monday, she still had the rash and now it was on her feet and palms. Now the fun began. On Sundays my hubby usually buys the kids a dinner from outside so we had gone shopping and stopped and gotten Chinese food. Monday morning begins and he went to the store to grab milk that we had forgotten on Sundays trips to the store. He got home and readied for work. We drove to get gas and when he went to pay, no credit card! Thankfully he had a check and we went back home to look for his card. Nowhere. We called the market, nope not there. So we began to trace our steps from Sunday. Aha, the Chinese food . There had been a problem with the credit machine, did she give us the card back? Nope.

So since it was on his way we went there hoping it was there and had not been stolen. Thankfully they had it. Dropped him off and headed back to pick up my friend to take her to the IRS again. I had called an set another appointment for my youngest to see the doctor for her rash and we had plenty of time.

Got to the IRS office and the ticket said 228 minutes expected wait. Oh my, that is around the time of her doctor appointment. God must have been listening to our prayers because unlike the prior day they had full staff, (yeah in a government building)! We got out just in time for me to run to my house grab my daughter and drop the friend off and back to the doctor with 20 minutes to spare. The doctor now thinks she has Steven Johnson Syndrome. This is a viral rash that can occur after medications or the onset of an infection. Oh yeah, and I had plans for her to go back to classes on Tuesday. We wrapped up there and headed home. I just pulled up and my younger son runs out to inform me that the neighbor had just taken my older son to the hospital. Great back to the car again. I drove without knowing for sure which hospital to go to but I figured that they went to the closest one. Thankfully that was the one. I met up with them in triage.

My first glance he has a neck brace on and blood everywhere. He had gone for a bike ride with a buddy and had barely gotten two blocks from the house and the chain on the bike broke as he was going down a hill and he trashed out bad. He had a large about three inches circle scraped out of his skull above his ear. His face was trashed on the cheek and his shoulder blade and down his arm and leg, both hands were also damaged. They x-rayed and thankfully no injuries. He had passed out so they said to watch him for concussion symptoms. We finished at the hospital and headed home. Finally I can sit. I dished myself some dinner that the other kids had helped make and I sat in total disarray. Then the phone rang. Honey can you come and pick me up I cant find a ride. So back again to the car.

This morning we kept him home and he wont play this week either. My youngest woke up and began vomiting oh yeah. By the way I was going out for lunch today with a friend. Here are some picks to show all.

Having Some Fun

Yesterday my son reminded me for the third time he needed a trim. Its still cold but the boys hate to have hair over the ears. I should be thankful that they have grown up. It was not that long ago when he was asking to grow his hair out so he could resemble some guy in his anime programs. Plus all that hair gel makes his hair produce more dandruff! I told him to grab my kit and meet me in the bathroom. I came in a proceeded to pull out the pieces and he put the shawl around his neck and pulled up the garbage can. We began to trim the sides and I always work around and then the top of the head in case they want it longer on the top. Aieysha was teasing and said Mom why don't you do one of those designs on his head like the kids at school? Well by then I was down to a strip down the middle of his head. Hummm, its long enough. Hey he could sport a mohawk. We laughed and decided that we would gel and color it until his dad came home and give dad a shock. When dad walked in the door he was surely shocked. But they wanted to cut it off. Boy they are no fun. I told him he ought to go to school like that to see if anyone noticed him. I laughed and said we could pierce his ears too! Luckily I have good boys. But hey what do you think? Mohawk or no?

He is so much like his father. They say he was the spit of his dad when I visited his family.

I wonder does Libya have salon sinks like here in the USA? If not I will bring one. I hate to have to shower just to wash off the loose hair. My niece bought us a hair trimmer set while we were in Libya so I can cut hair there too. But when its only 1.50$ why should I dirty the house? Here a cut can cost upwards of 10$.

Also here is a photo of the final snow buildup before we finally got some meltdown. The total was around 5 feet. This is a look down my street. Looks like white sand! I am still clearing the snow around my flower gardens.

Spring is in the air as my crocus and grape hyacinth are coming up and I can just see the tops of my irises and tulips. My water ponds are a mess and the kids broke one of my pumps so I need to do some work this year. I let the yard go last year and now I am paying the price. Oh well that's what we have trash day for. But we do have a forecast of more snow this weekend.

Making Some Needed Changes

Sorry I hadn't written in a while. It seems that the weather was taking a toil on me and my marriage. I had been struggling with some issues that needed resolving when I came back from Libya and they finally came to a head last week.
In general, the man I married is a good and wonderful man. Even with his loner attitude he was better than many men of middle east faith than I had ever known. But, he married a woman from another culture and he knew that even if I tried I will never be like the women of his country. After my return and the hassles I had with his family I was determined that even though things were not the best the first time that I was willing to move back to his country to provide our children with the best life we can give them.
I came back angry with him. I tried to express how I felt only to be told he didn't want to hear about it. I began planning a new house design and when we should plan on returning to his homeland only to be met with indifference with him and total refusal by my children. The constant snowfall here didn't help either. Now I see how some people can go stir crazy very easily in such situations. We are now on our sixth straight week of snowfall with very little reprieve from the cold. This week we get hit from the north and south and are again looking at not one but two possible days of moderate snowfall. Today we have 18 degrees and tomorrow a high of 7!
Anyways back to my most pressing issue. For years my husband has been gradually removing us from society. We do not visit anyone, nor do they visit, a friend who is one of my dearests is my only outlet to the world beyond my house. My car has yet to be repaired and he seemed to not care that it needed to be. So I began to play the "arab wife" card on my husband in an attempt to get him to straighten up. I refused to do anything that a normal woman of the ME would never do. Like unplug a kitchen sink or fix something that had broken. Sorry to offend any sister out there but I have seen how you live and I cannot do it. Not here. In the ME you have people who visit, family who can be called upon and your life may be bland but it can be tolerated. Here if you are secluded from people spending your day with cleaning a house that never seems to stay that way or is so clean that you dust daily just to have something to do, is dangerous to my health. I have friends who live like that and they are miserable. But they remain the quiet and obedient loving arab wife. But remember he didn't marry an arab wife.
So in a final desperate attempt I left my home and went to a friends home for the weekend. The following Monday I called him and told him I wanted a seperation. He was devastated and begged to talk it out. I finally agreed and we spent many hours going over what I felt was wrong with our life. What had happened to the man I had married and the goals we had set in our long talks in the mosque some 20 years ago. Like never teaching our kids his native tongue how just that may have made our trip that much more tolerable alone. How he had begun to work so much that we never saw him and if we did it was to say goodnight. As he said I hit him with a ton of bricks and even though we just scratched the surface he realized that so much had gone wrong in our life that if we didn't act now all the money in the world would not save the most important thing we had....our family.
I agreed to give our marriage another try and to work at undoing all the things that have led us to where we are. This week we are checking into Karate classes for the kids as they had done it when they were smaller and it was a girl friendly activity that everyone could feel good about. Aieysha wanted to try out for girls wrestling but the issue of how to keep from losing her hijab came up and she finally agreed to try Karate with the rest of the kids. Tomorrow we have a private lesson to see where the kids could be placed and Dad amazingly is going with us! Its his day off and he told me he was going with us. Boy I sure hope this lasts.
I looked at our life and saw how my children have no connection to our community even though it is huge. They never pray unless he is in a nasty mood and orders the kids to pray thus causing resentment with them. It to them was why do we pray yet when a holiday is here we do nothing but sit at home? I told him again that it was his duty as the oldest son to be caring for his parents in their elderly years and how can we not take care of them, and when we are old expect our sons to do the same when he has ignored them and their daily lives for so long. I told him that he was needed to talk to his sons about growing up and someday looking for wives. Did he want his sons to marry christian women? How about his daughters when we have no contact with the community how are they to find good husbands? He didn't want them spending their days with kids from school but he never made it possible for them to spend time with others of our faith. We were failing as parents and I could no longer do it alone.
Finally, I told him returning to his homeland may not be perfect but at the end of the day when no one else cares your family is all you have. We were alone here as he had alienated me from my two daughters and my remaining family aside from a brother was not worth our efforts. So to take the kids and be near his family was the only logical path to take. I know it would not be easy starting over but what we had to lose was far greater.
Some may say I am crazy for even trying. Stay here in the states where I have a greater say over our lives as some people feel that I would loose that in a ME country. But as I look to the TV and the papers I see how more and more we are viewed as a threat to the US and how this plays on the minds of me and my family. I have lately seen families who have been here for years suddenly be torn apart by new immigration laws and sudden interest in people who were no threat before removed at the whim of local government. My husband is not a citizen so he is just as vulnerable as they are. If diplomacy with Libya were to suddenly change how will people here be affected by those changes? So as the hairs on my neck are rising I am planning for possible changes. The internet is full of people with radical ideas on how to deal with "Muslims". Look to the senator Barak Obama who is running now for president. He was a muslim as a child but his mother raised him later as another faith. Senator Hillary Clinton took a cheap shot and brought up the "muslim" card in recent debates. How bad would the US be if a former muslim was president? By the way he is also black. Most people feel the US is in need of change and a woman or a black person is high on the list as possible changes. Since Oprah Winfrey will not run and solve the problem with one shot we may see many attempts made to devalue the abilities of Obama. Are americans so afraid of us? I spend alot of time on the myspace religion forum and it seems that people fear that we will one day take over the US and establish a Sharia law here. That would be nice but with all our secular fighting even if we did get a muslim to run for office we would back bite him till he was no better a choice than any other.
But back to my family. I am still sitting at home but the idea of Karate class is at least a start. I need something to do. He offered to let me go back to school but I don't know what to study. Real Estate is slow so that is not a good option at the time. The house needs many repairs that he just began to fail to give me the money to fix and now we need hundreds to fix the house. The market is slow and without the repairs we would not get a good price. If we wanted to leave the house for the chance that we would return then we need to make that plan too.
For the first time in many years we sat on the same couch and sat with a few of the kids and watched a TV program together. It was nice to sit and laugh together. This is how it is supposed to be. Quality family time is so important and since Aieysha was born he had forgotten that. He had stopped spending time with us and in the end he almost lost me and the kids. I'm willing to give it another try. In Islam you just don't divorce rashly but he has been given a severe warning. I didn't have the luxury of my brother or family stepping in to help me or to give me a place to go but he knows that I can make it without him. I know I have some things to work on myself I know I am far from perfect to but I am willing to do that for my family. Regardless of what we decide to do it will be a joint decision and we will begin to do it now, not next week but today. We lost to many days already. And just as the spring always comes, things will hopefully get better and our relationship will bloom again. With Valentines Day a few weeks away a few fresh flowers would not hurt either. But he knows I prefer to plant a bush rather than have a bunch of cut flowers that last a few days and with all the snow I guess I could be happy with some seed packages that we can plant in the yard.
Finally you may wonder why I discuss this here? Well as you can tell by most of my blog I am pretty straight forward. I try to show it like it is. We all write about how we wish it was. I know many good friends who are sitting in my same seat but their circumstances keep them where they are just as mine kept me where I was for so long. I know they will do what they feel best. Maybe they will tell their husband about what I wrote and he may think twice. And if you are a man you will look to what I wrote and hope that none of what I said rings true in your own life.

Drinking Ice Water can cause Death? Mythbuster Idea!

Here's the answer to a funny problem I had to deal with while I was in Libya. I don't know how many days I had a family member throw a fit over me and my kids drinking water that was ice cold or had ice in it. I was told it could kill you and my logical brain said "I have never heard such a big bunch of baloney". Once I came back to the US I decided to talk to some people about the possibility of that actually occurring and in what circumstance could it actually happen. I remember even reading it in the Tripoli Post a article written by an Imam saying that it could cause instant death and people should refrain from it. I thought oh my even the Imams are crazy!
I posted the question to WebMD and here is what they said and some other information I read the same day may pose some greater health risks than drinking ice cold water.
WebMD said that unless the person was in a state of hypothermia (low body temperature) or severe dehydration they saw no reason that drinking cold water could harm a person. One interesting subject I did find was drinking too much distilled water was now found to be hazardous to your health! Seems as the all important mineral sodium is removed from the water and drinking large amounts can cause the brain to swell. This was found in athletes who drank bottled water in excess of actual water loss after exercise. It thinned the blood and caused the brain to swell. The study went on to say that drinking safe water full of the natural minerals was better and actually connected to longevity! Our bodies need many of the minerals that bottled water removes. As long as it is free of bacterias that can cause illness we are better off drinking our tap water. Here is one site for more info on this subject www.ionizers.org/distilled_water.html
I have searched the internet looking for articles relating to death by drinking cold water and yet to see any. If anyone has a link I would love to run it by these medical professionals. Seeing as most people of Middle Eastern countries are buried quite rapidly an autopsy is not likely to have been done and had the person just happened to be drinking cold water when it happened I can see how the link could be associated with the water. But I fear that it is not likely the culprit of someones demise. Finally as one doctor said, "You don't see too many resturaunts wheeling out dead bodies from drinking the cold water they were served". Myth busted. So to my fellow friends drink and enjoy!

Spreading Good Works

How often around the holidays do we see charities asking for donations. Most of us are hammered with requests and many are wary about the companies that ask for donations. I have a good friend on the MySpace Religion Forum that is in need of help. Donations are welcome but there are other ways you can help her organization. Call a friend or write a note maybe you know someone who knows someone and that can go a long way to helping her.
Her organization matches children living in Argentina with deformaties such as clef palate to get needed surgeries to save their lives. These children are the most neediest as if they did not receive this surgery they will die.... Plain and simple.
She has been able to network and get doctors and nurses and people of all medical professions to donate time and services to her organization. This year a building has been donated that can become the first Operating Theater for these children allowing them to get services that they may otherwise not get. Before they had to rely on local hospitals to provide surgery rooms and with the new building if it is made ready would free up additional funds that could serve even more kids.
Don't have money now, most of us are getting by but as she says we surely have more than some of these kids do. How can you help? Visit her site and see if you can help in any way. Least of all make a link to her site. Spread the word. Someone reading your blog could know someone who knows someone, get it!
Spread a Good Work will you. Thanks I hope everyone does that visits my page.

Here is the link to her site: http://www.myspace.com/aestheticargentina

I guess its Eid

Yesterday was the first day of Eid. We sat home as usual while hubby went to work. Today is Sunday. I'm on the computer, as if I don't get on before 10 am I am hounded until I let the kids have their turn. One just came in an informed me they would give me some more time as they were eating breakfast. Anyways may everyone else have a pleasant holiday. Mine is as usual. Bye probably till next year.

Its 23 degrees outside

This morning it began snowing again. They are telling us up to a foot and a half of snow by Thursday. Here's the pics of the snow so far.

This is the view out my back door.

My front window.

The window on the covered side of the house seems to be deeper that's about 7 inches on top of old paint cans that are five gallons and they are nearly covered now. So I guess unless it warms up we will have a white holiday. I would rather be in sunshine.

Here is the update unless you have world news you may have missed that we are now under 2 ft. of snow and it is still growing! So not only am I home with five kids but hubby gets to spend another day home. Here is some more photos

This is out my back door. See the split rail fence that comes to my waist and the top rail is 2 feet above the lawn. With the blowing snow its not level but we are reporting 26" in Aurora as of the reports this morning.

This is my poor neighbors truck we will be shoveling him out I am sure. The snow has drifted to just about cover the front of his truck. Here's another.

Remember the paint buckets? They are vanished now. I can reach out my window and scoop up the snow.

All the city and county are closed and most business are trying to decide who will open and who does not have enough employees to cause them to stay closed. The airport will not even open again until 7 pm today. I'm sure not too many people planned to spend their holiday in the airport the count was 4,700 people last night. State National Guard was sent out last night to rescue people trapped on the various highways coming out of the mountains. For the first time in many years chains were required on Arapahoe Road again. I don't know if my friend got home who lives off of C-470 but I am sure she has disaster plans for her daughter. I can't even go get her! Finally the last time we had this much snow it melted and the ditch that is behind our property flooded from fencepost to fencepost as we are the lowest lying house along it. Never made it into the yard as it is uphill by about another foot so I was thankful but I did take videos in case I needed to call the insurance man. Too all of you out there who read my blog. Wishing you a happy and safe New Year. Rain, Snow or Sunshine may you all be blessed in the coming year.

What a difference a day makes! It stopped snowing around 2 pm in my neck of Aurora. We came in with 26 inches of snow not including the drifts. Then the fun began. My husband had gone out to get some milk just as the storm was going into full swing and got stuck in the lower half of the drive with the knowledge that if people did get out they could hit the car we all went out and helped clear the driveway so he could pull the car up. We made a walking path for the mailman as the city requires and went in. My hubby always refuses to listen and in winter especially I worry he will injure his back again. I had to give him a big massage in the evening to calm his back down. Thankfully this morning he can move. He called into work and found a human voice so guess that means he's going into work. The airport is still digging out so they can be back to normal. The malls are all still closed til Saturday I can see the stores, even if I wanted to, I'm not going out it will be insane. Guess I am stuck home at least till after Christmas. I hear Eid is coming I saw something on the Internet. My hubby didn't seem to care much when I reminded him. I guess we will do as usual stay home maybe get pizza from the local bakery. Sadly I took most of my games to Libya and left them there I'm a big board games junkie and all I have left here is Scrabble, Boggle and Risk besides a Monopoly Pokemon version. I do have a deck of cards or I can go through my videos again. Even most of my arts and crafts stuff is there, I was planning ahead so there would be less to bring next visit.
Time to go my little one is up and her sugar is 57 so I need to make sure she eats breakfast and gets her insulin. The roads must be passable if you get to the main roads as I haven't had hubby walk back home yet! I will try to get a few more pics before its gone. It's 25 degrees and the sun is shining! Next is the floods of water that turn to ice blocks at night.

Update: Weather Service has issued a Winter Storm Warning for the Northeast Plains. This storm shall bring high winds and heavy snows over much of the state. Travel in and out of the state may be canceled.
So here it is Wednesday and we are expecting more snow by Thursday. Another 12-18" is what they are shooting for. So yesterday I got the chance to go out and take a look at the state of the local area. Not bad if you don't mind the snow pack that makes it hard to tell where the sidewalks are. Oh, there the mountains that the bus people are standing on or in front of on the streets. No one cares to clean them. The city is still trying to get the streets clean so the sidewalks will have to wait. Watch out for people standing in the street. Another worry is the path can disappear quickly so beware. You are traveling 75 down Parker Road on your way to work suddenly the three lane becomes two lanes and you got a large truck next to you and a person standing in the street waiting for the bus. Thankfully I drive 25 when it is like this. Then the parking lots. Oh yes I had to go to a store. The water was pooling in one area and cars were trying to determine if they should go through. The jeep in front of me went through OK so I took a leap of faith. Thanks to four-wheel drive I made it through the maze of ice blocks and water. We went into the store and the shelves are eerily nude of items. The local grocery was low on just about everything. But I got a 24 pack of toilet paper and some milk to cover the next few days. I took a small jaunt to Lowes (home improvement store) and wandered around the tile and bath departments. I was getting idea booklets for my home in Libya. The glass doors are pretty but I saw better ones in Tripoli and they probably cost much less. At least in our eyes they do. I got a wonderful pamphlet on glass block for showers and walls. Oh I think I remember seeing some in Tajura. I wonder if it is more cost effective than concrete for a wall?
OK, back from my daydreams. Being indoors for over two weeks is making me batty. I did get a chance to go out but with 5 dollars in my pocket it wasn't the same. I was almost out of gas so I needed it just in case. I had asked him for a check to write the co-pay for the doctor and he just replied have him bill me.
Got back around 4 pm and the kids had not even fixed Fatimah some lunch. The neighbor was out trying to clear the snow around his truck but it had a flat tire and I told him that if the city came through they would likely bury his truck so to wait. A few hours later we got a snow plow through. We were elated. Oh yeah I forgot they are city drivers. He dropped his blade about one inch onto the snow and moved a few inches. I guess he was checking the depth? No he skimmed past us as we looked on in disbelief. He went to the end of the block and I have no idea if he did anything there. The cars on the end will be covered till June at this rate. He came back as I headed up towards him and we watched in continued amazement as he pushed a mound of snow about three inches. One that didn't even need to be touched. And if he had covered the drive it was for the house of a single woman so all the neighbors would have to be out there helping her remove it. He touched nothing else and disappeared around the corner of the block. So much for removal! We have two drainage ditches on the block that if we don't want ice blocks we have to keep clear you would have thought he would have scraped near them to allow water to drain, no, sorry I lost my head again. City worker. So even though we can get in and out if you have four wheel drive or a truck that is. We were alone again. I went inside and the weather reports started. I called hubby and told him we were expecting another storm and told him we should double check for needed items just in case it gets that bad again. His car is on E and mine is still out of commission, so I suggested he get gas tonight as there were shortages of gas in the area. He sat down and turned on the TV. I guess that is a good excuse not to have to work? Sorry boss I'm out of gas. I guess he can blame it on me for using his gas to take Aieysha to the doctor.
I found the house payment envelope on the dash and looked at it. I was going to take it to the bank for him and I saw that there was no check inside. When he got home I asked him about the payment. Yes, he knows its in his car. Yes, but the payment was due December 1st, no later than December 18th or late payment. No, that's the bill for next month. No, its not check again. Now he is angry and goes outside to the cold air and checks the bill. For once I am right as I can hear him bitching in the other room. Sorry not my fault I replied, I don't pay the bills anymore remember. Well why is it late? Remember we didn't get a statement last month because we were a month ahead and I called twice to get one so we could stay that way. We finally got it but he thought it was for January. No, remember I told you the bill was for December! So today is what the 26th? Late payment huh! I told him you know we could have done something else with that money!!! He always pulls that one on me.
Suhayb came up and asked for a game for Eid. Yeah right. AS if he will buy anything. His reason he didn't study. Good excuse dad lets see what you come up with for the others. Alright I am still ranting. But as I told the phonegirl at his job. I have been in the house for weeks and no money to spend and santa still didn't leave me a present.
I mentioned to him how Libya was not allowing for "New Years" celebrations this year. He told me that Libya has never celebrated the New Year. Well if they didn't why would they ban something that wasn't being done? Oh and I mentioned that they celebrate Christmas there too. He shouted no they do not! Ok then why do I have a picture of his sister standing next to a pine tree that is decorated with garland and balls? Humm must be some other strange holiday that uses decorated trees? He got angry and tossed the picture. He asked who was this sister. I told him he didn't say much after that. Its going to be a long winter.
I'll keep you posted with pics if I can. With this much snow and hardly any melting I worry that power can be lost. I would just loose Internet if the phones went down, but I would not have a electric source for long either. I have my camp stoves and oil lanterns and wood is around the house too. So don't fear I will make do. Its a few more days and the kids go back to school. Maybe then the city will clear the roads.

Hard Decisions

What do you do when it seems no one but you wants to do something? I want to return to live in Libya but my children have various levels of refusal. I can only attribute it to our previous visit and how many things could have been different. I try to tell them how we can prepare better so we don't have as many problems as we did when we were there before, but I still am met with refusals.

My family was military and we moved so much in my life that I thought moving was normal. So after I married Taher I moved only six more times. We finally got a home when I was pregnant with Suhayl as no place in town had three to four rooms for rentals. As a result all the kids have grown up in one home, never knowing the heartache of having to say goodbye to friends and places you love. I try to tell them that life can be what we make of it, and that moving can be an adventure as well as hard to do. Yes, saying goodbye to people you have known all your life and a home that has so many memories is not easy. I remember days where I would have never sold my house now I would sell it in a heartbeat if the market was better.
I have even offered to allow the kids to decorate the rooms as they would like. My girls have a yellow room a nice sunny yellow with a white picket fence that surrounds the room, a bench with potted vines graces it sides. One one wall I have a vine arbor that waits for you to enter. Behind the picket is flowers like an English garden and golden bees flit around the flowers. Its one of my better achievements. The room took five days to paint and I had to stop on the final wall as my hubby wanted to get the beds back in the room. That was OK because on that wall I put my daughters bed and covered it with a iron arbor and use tulle and silk flowers to make a spring garden over her bed. I love the room.
So in Libya, Khadijah wants to finish that theme with a seasonal cover for her bed and decorations to match. Can I find decorations in Libya or will I need to bring some things with me? Aieysha wants a music inspired room with a scroll of notes of her favorite song along the wall. Maybe a few bars as I will begin to see notes in my dreams after that! I want to make a stage area for her drum set where she can practice her drums and I want to grace the room with instruments from all over the world. I have a bunch that I got at World Imports here. Suhayb finally asked if he could have a Hockey inspired room. Sure I had seen one done on Extreme Home Makeovers that I thought was real cute for a small boy I would just need to adapt it for a bigger guy.
Regardless of these ideas, the kids still do not want to move to Libya. So what is a parent to do. I tell them so what there is many times I didn't want to move in my life but life isn't always what we want. What about their father, he needs to come back and take care of his parents and as he even says "what goes around comes around", so he needs to do his share.
So as I sit depressed so many days this month, I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Should I force the kids to do as we wish? They are citizens of both countries and can always return to the USA when they are older. Sometimes I hate being in the US so much but that is me. Maybe if I could get him to move to a farm out in the middle of nowhere I would feel better. Since I never see anyone anyways what would be different! I don't know I guess I will have to continue to work this out. Lets see what next summer brings for now and then go from there. Ladies or Gents any suggestions on what you would do?

Thanks for Snow Days "Ode to Khadijah Teri"

A few weeks ago I commented to Khadijah that I would rather be in the sun than the snow. She noted me back that she missed the snow and I promised her I would post the next snow day in photos. So here is my snow day yesterday. Enjoy Khadijah I didn't....

By the way except for some bruises no one was injured..but my car!! My son who just got his license was bring his brother home from school. And hit a sheet of ice and landed in this nice ladies yard. Took out three sections of a split rail fence and nearly punctured the radiator of my car. See the log sticking out of my grill. Today we see a doctor and wait to hear from our insurance agents.

Preparedness

Doing a favor for a site that I found to be full of information. Ladies and Gents check out www.preparedpantry.com they have a free ebook full of great recipes that use products from food storage. They also carry a full line of food storage products. I would love to see if we could get shipments! When I get back to Libya next summer I will see. They may be a good alternative to the "gift box from home". Plus all their products are made for long term storage. I am checking into canning recipes as well. A followup letter from the company wonders what products we would most be interested in? They ship USPS. Feel free to message me and I can ask for you about certain products. Be prepared ladies....

A Womans Right

OK, another day of rants....Why is it that an American woman does not get the same rights her Arab sister counterparts do? How many sisters do I know that did not even get a decent wedding or a reasonable dowry when they married.
There was a trend for many years here in the USA for Muslim men to marry women from the USA. Most sadly end in divorce yet some remain. What are the differences that separate us for our sisters in other countries.
Family- many of us have bad relationships or none or lose family when we convert or marry our husbands.
Culture- either we have none or we give it up for a "Islamic" upbringing for our children.
Religion-most convert to Islam but not all and if so we know that our children shall be raised Muslim so our faith is put on the back burner.
Traditions-much like our faith is brushed aside as being a "kuffur" belief so we leave our traditions behind.
Lastly the idea of Dowry...how many men married us because we could be "bought" cheaply? Most of us have no idea of dowry and later we feel somehow cheated out of something that was our right.
In America we work along side of our husbands most of our marriage, raise our children and take care of our homes, while our counterparts sit at home and the men provide. Our earnings are put into that joint account and used to pay the increasing debts we make as our families grow. Yet somehow I wonder what happened to "a woman's money is her own" ideal that Islam teaches. OK so now I am ranting...How many of you ladies feel the same at one point or another? You work and raise the kids and clean the home all by ourselves and give the paycheck over to the "family" yet at the end of the day you have nothing for yourself.
I've worked since I was 17, and never had the luxury of spending the money solely on myself. It always had to pay the bills. Now I look back and yes I can see sometimes when I squandered money (Theresa will remind me) but in general all my spending went to my children or my home. Very little went to enjoying the money I earned such as a lunch out or movie with a friend.
I tell you this as until earlier this year I pretty much wore the pants in the family and the bank account and credit cards were under my control. I paid all the bills and managed the house and the food and clothing needs for my children so when something was "wrong" I was the one who got blamed. I have worked a fair share in the 20 yrs I have been married but looking back I wonder what went wrong. After many years of it being my fault that we could not go overseas I turned all the money and the bills and the needs over to my husband. We made plans to go visit his family and he told me the only way he saw that we could go was if he was in control of our finances. So against my better judgement I let him. I was to go over first with the kids and he would join us as soon as possible he needed to set up a few things first. He is paid by sales so we needed a buffer for while we were away. As you all know, he never came over. Well, I am back now and before we left I turned all the accounts to him. Now I have no funds unless he gives it to me. Now I have to account for why I want something, why the kids need something and yet when a bill comes that he doesn't understand, who has to call and solve the problem?
I know of no Arab sister who has to do this. Most of the ladies I know were given lavish weddings, honeymoons and a trip to the USA to boot and lavish homes to come to. They spend their days at home, or out with friends. Visiting or shopping...What is this shopping! How, they don't work so where do they get money from? Oh, from their husbands! Wow they get money to spend how they wish each month. This does not include the fact that hubby buys all the groceries and provides for the kids so her money is her own to spend, filling her closet with so many clothes that even a walk-in isn't enough. So you see where I feel we lost out. I never had a wedding party, I was married in work clothes. A store bought cake by a witness was our wedding meal and then home to my apartment. I never had a honeymoon and until this year never went any place. As for dowry, I was told I could ask for anything but hey he was living in the mosque so what could he give me? So I asked for a ring. I was bought for $750. Over the years going to a friends house has become non existent and we rarely socialize. He works and I spend my days with the kids. My family left me many years before, dysfunctional was not what I wanted my children to learn. As for traditions, what I had were Christian so they were out the door, I was converted but had no idea how to celebrate a "Muslim" holiday. So we never learned....when we finally needed to get a house instead of an apartment I was told I needed to work if I wanted a house. Would a Arab sister take this? NO. The house would have been built before their marriage or she would be living in a home with extended family. Yet, I agreed. Here in the USA we all must work for what we feel we "need". So here I am after 20 yrs of sharing my income to pay bills asking for money. Why? What happened to our rights? A woman has a right to be kept in a manner of which she was accustomed. A right to a dowry and a right to a home and to be provided for by her husband. But we American women are bought cheaply. We have miserly husbands, we shop with little funds, we live in places we long outgrew and in clothes that are barely substantial. We who must convince our husband why we need something, yet we stay on. Why to benefit our children? I was told by my husband that my dowry was with his parents and that when we went to Libya I would have it. Yet when I was there I was given nothing from his parents. A sister gave me a small ring and his brother gave me a ring for my birthday just before I left. Yet my sister-in-laws had many bracelets and even my mother in law sported a few on the one wedding she went to. So where was my dowry? Even the "home" that his father had built for his beloved son was empty. I had a bed set that was my in laws and a few cushions for the floors. No dishware, no linens, no applainces or bedding. Would an Arab woman have accepted this? I doubt it. So why do we? For the future promises? How many years have I been told we would move to a larger home, now that all our debts are paid off where is the money he earns. He goes to the store and buys things that had I bought I would have been scolded for buying. I must ask for everything from him. I have suggested getting gift cards for me so I have money just a set amount. Yet none are forthcoming.....Yesterday an old friend called me asking if her daughter could stay with us for a night while she went skiing. Sure I would love to take her. I had watched this girl since she was a 3 yr old. While we chatted she mentioned a lady that she worked with was needing a sitter for two small kids. She knows that I hadn't done daycare since her daughter turned 6 but she asked if I would be interested. I'm home all day now, as with the split schedules the kids have the youngest are home too often and not old enough to be alone, so working outside the home is out. My house is not quite what it use to be but the idea was interesting. She was offering 800 a month. I spoke to my husband about it, his answer was if you want to do it and the money could buy your tickets for next year! Sure pay my own way to visit his family again and start the plans for our new home. Some days I wonder if I will live alone in Libya. The kids have mixed feelings about going there to live and he shows little interest in going some days. Those plans I have drawn for a six bedroom home may not be needed. I tell the kids Libya is growing and with the changes it will get better all the time. I read an article on how Qaddafi is trying to find out how all those government officials are having so much money yet the facilities they are in charge of are suffering. He has given them two months to account for their funds. I'm sure a few heads will roll. (I hope not literally). I would steer him towards the zoo for one.. When I finally got a chance to take the kids there I was saddened by the conditions there. Mostly empty cages and the animals that were there were pretty sad looking especially the baboons...So if he would like tourism he needs to focus on these areas also the issue with trash dumping as Khadijah mentioned. So do I feel better yet? NO this is one of my oldest rants. I thought when I finally got to go overseas I would have my promised dowry, yet I came home empty handed. I have a house and a car (of which my son drives now to school) so I should be thankful. Am I? Yes and no, I am thankful that I do have a home as many here have less. And no, in that I was cheated out of a right that all my sisters are entitled too. I can only make sure that my daughters do not get less than what they should. I am not greedy, but that ring would not cover even one months needs if something were to happen to my husband. So I am prepared..not with money but the ability that I can work to take care of myself if I need. Something that my fellow arab sisters do not have...Your comments are welcome..I know this has been a moody week for me...I know I'm not the only one who feels this way so brothers if you are reading this heads up. Look back onto your life with your converted wife and ask yourself did she get what she would have had she been Arab....then go buy her some flowers and give her a kiss and tell her thanks...you got off cheaply.

Holiday Blues

Ever feel like your life is nothing that you wanted it to be? Some days I spend remembering my childhood. Not that it was perfect, by many peoples standards it was pretty lousy. I try to not dwell on those days but the memories of the good ones. Birthdays, Christmas mornings, Halloween trick-or-treats, Thanksgiving Day dinners and Easter. How many of us have a fond memory that we retain of those days?
When I became Muslim I was barely 22 yrs old. I was recently divorced and my two daughters were living with their dad (that's another book in itself). I lost most of my family when I converted and kept some contact with aunts or uncles mostly on my fathers side. My fondest memories are of small things. Finding that one last Easter Egg down Grandmothers blouse, blowing out candles on my 16Th birthday cake, a pregnant hobo for Halloween costume and the pajamas we all got on Christmas Eve to dress in so we would look nice the next morning when mom was taking our photos. Those are the days I choose to remember.
So, lately I have been quite depressed. I returned back to the USA about two months ago now and most of my day is spent thinking of how soon I can go back. I married when I was Muslim about four years, and my husband had lived in the USA about 6 years by then. He had given up on celebrating Holidays as except for Ramadan meals with local brothers their were no families to spend the days with. By the time I came along he was starting to build a nice "rut" to live in. My daughters did not live with me so I never had holidays or birthdays to share. We were married Oct 3, and our first holiday together with my family was Thanksgiving. My family invited us to share the day with them. As usual mom and I prepared the meal for the day and the men sat in the living room watching a football preview. Things went pretty well until the meal prayer. Now you need to know that my family was in no way religious but two times a year Dad would say a prayer. One at Thanksgiving and one at Christmas dinner. Everything went smooth until Dad blessed the meal in the name of Jesus (pbuh). My husband mumbled something under his breath and hardly ate a bite of the meal. I apologised and later asked him why he had not eaten. He was angry that Dad had referred to Jesus (pbuh) when blessing the meal. OK, so next time I will ask Dad to just say "thank God". Next holiday was Christmas. This is also the day that the US Government says my husband has a birthday. He does not agree but who are we to argue? Anyway, the meal went smoothly as I reminded Dad to please just thank "God". But as the day wore on family came in and out and the fun of spending the day with relatives began to eat at hubby. He was brooding in the kitchen. My aunt asked me what was wrong. I told her well he may be missing his family and it was also his birthday. My aunt decided to solve his problem. She walked into the kitchen and asked him to stand up. She sat down and grabbed him quickly and pulled him over her lap and began to spank him (birthday spanks), boy did his face go red. He was later telling me that no one had ever touched him but me and his mom and he was embarrassed. Later he got use to my unusual aunt!
Finally, a few months later we moved to Colorado. Here there are no families. In the beginning we never celebrated the Ramadan or Eids as he said they were for kids. I went to the mosque and served dinners during Ramadan until my first son was born. Then it became "they are too young", quickly followed by "they don't want to go tramping in mud to kill a lamb", and now we are at "if mom does something we celebrate it" stage. I tried to make the holidays something. One year going for traditional ideas and the next using ideas from my pasts. None really stuck. Not if Dad is never home. And the ideas the community come up with are geared more towards the younger set.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving, a day by which I have always tried to keep. Not for anything more than it is the one day when I can fix a "comfort" dish. Leave home and you will know what I mean by a "comfort dish". I started the day trying to find out when or if we would go shopping for computers on Friday. You know how we have those GIANT sales the day after. We had promised the kids a few computers and there was a sale that was good on them. But he was moody so I saved most of the discussion for later in the day. The night before I had injected the turkey with some butter and a mix of seasonings and placed it in the fridge. So by 11 am I pulled it out and started the cooking. Hubby made his famous mashed potatoes and I got out dishes for olives, salad and gravy's. A small dish of stuffing and we were set. I had recently got rid of two dining chairs and pushed the table down to a table for four, so we put a table cloth on the living room floor and placed the food on the table. We all sat together on the floor except Suhayb, who wanted to be close to the food. I wonder why? Well except for one we were all eating at the same time in the same place. A rare occurrence anymore. It was nice. No one was joining us this year. I had asked a friend who was recently divorced but she had plans so it was just us. We all sat and ate our meals in relative quiet. Nothing like the dinners of my youth. We finished and I gathered up the dishes and put what I could in the dishwasher. The rest sat on the table til early evening. By then all the turkey was gone but a few small strips of dark meat. I put away the leftover gravy, potatoes and olives and cleaned up the kitchen. Thanksgiving was over. Now you all know that just as soon as you put it all away someone comes in hungry. So, Aieysha made a second round for the leftovers.
About ten pm, I asked my hubby again what time did he want to go shopping. The stores open at 5 am and if you are not there by 4 am, you can pretty much forget getting something high on the list of wanted items. He said set the clock as I wanted and wake him in the morning. 3:30 am, and the house is quiet. I got up and dressed and went into the living room to wake my hubby. He was on the couch. He grumbled, no one had let him sleep all night and they had been up and down the stairs all night. OK, so sleep a bit more. At 4am, I walked into the living room again and sat down on the couch. After what seemed like an eternity he got up and dressed. We got into the car and headed for Best Buy. Laptops for 279.00$ a deal. We got close and I knew in my heart I needed to forget it. Thousands of cars were parked in the lot and the lines of people stretched til the main road. They even had cars parking in the Home Depot lot across the street. Hubby has a bad back so standing even 10 minutes would have made him a bear. So I turned around and headed home. Went inside and took off my clothes and crawled back into my still warm bed. At 9 am I woke again and after the kids woke up I decided to take a drive to the new shopping mall. Best Buy was out sorry. I headed to Ulta cosmetics and looked to see if they had my favorite perfume in a gift set. Sorry and the cheapest bottle was 26$. I looked at a beautiful makeup set and thought of my nieces in Libya how they may love a set like this one. It was 21$, and I could get a set of Hurricane lanterns as a free gift. Oooohhh tempting. But this was the only money I have had all week so I was not to spend it foolishly. I remembered seeing a World Import Market down the block and walked down the block with all but Suhayb in tow. He didn't want to go, he wanted to go home (sound familiar). The kids had stopped into the Pet store next door and had to show me all the birds. Yep their lovely but we have 5 so no thanks. It was a bit windy so we hurried down to the Market. Once inside I wandered around the store, browsing at this and that along the isle. OOhhh look at the Indian style jewelry! Look at the musical instruments from all over. Lets try the xylophone! Cool but the big one is 300$. Next time. Back to bedding, oh how I would love a room that looked like that! Beautiful bedding all nicely done. Yeah with five kids sure, on to the dishes. None that caught my eye. The herd was getting restless, Fatimah needed the bathroom no sooner than we walked in and the others were getting bored too. Why can a mother never have a few minutes to herself and her daydreams. Aieysha found a few stuffed animals that are magnetized and she wanted to buy a few. She had her money so ok. Fatimah was getting noisy so I told Suhayl to take her to the car. And Khadijah and I waited for Aieysha to finish her purchases.
Suhayb pulled up the car and we were ready to go. Fatimah had saved up 40$ and wanted a game so we had looked in one store and 30$ was high and we knew we could find a used one. So I dropped everyone off at the house, and Fatimah, Kahdijah and I headed to the game store near by. Yes, they had a used copy at 26$. So now she is excited and wants to leave. But wait mom wants to look at the movies. Hey a copy of "One flew over the cuckoos nest". A classic on my movie list for only 9.95$. I could also get Patriot and Titanic on DVD for 20$ for the three. Hum, in Libya I would have paid 5$ maybe, so no not today.
At home I had downloaded a program where you can see what a room looks like with different paint on the walls. The kitchen always looked good in grey but cover up my stencils? Nope not yet. The outside is what needs it the most. I had Suhayb go outside and take another picture of the house and bring it in and load it while I was gone. Now to play with the program. We tried on many colors until we came up with Storm cloud Grey for the doors, Camouflage green for the base and white for trim it looks nice, but we will wait for daddy to decide. So I saved the photos for later. I guess my day is more Grey than Blue.....I miss holidays with family...Next year maybe...

Hijab or Niqba?

With recent news from European countries trying to ban the use of the Niqba in public places such as banks, I wonder what those of you out there think? I spend some time in the religion forum of Myspace and this topic makes it rounds quite often. One young woman insisted that we were oppressed sex slaves of men and that is why we cover. Sadly she felt it was better to bare all in society than to cover it up. Some ladies that are considered Regs (regulars) on the forum are of Catholic belief and one time I reminded them that the bible did in fact tell women to cover. If they believed in their holy books so completely then why do they not follow the tenents of their faith? Now we have a group of women who have picked up the cover at least in prayer. They have gone through the gamut of discussions with people in their communitites to support their right to cover. I support them. Yet somehow I feel that they will never understand a Muslim woman's need to cover.
When I first converted in the early 1980's I was working in the local university and we had 750 students from Saudi Arabia there on a group study program. Most were good young men, but a few fell to the ways of the American lifestyle and sadly they became far from being a good Muslim. I was interested in Islam. I also had some students from Iran. So I learned about both sides of the Muslim coin. One of my questions was why do women in your faith cover? Most could not give me a reason beyond it was something that the holy book said to do and that women had done it for centuries. So I resorted to reading every book I could lay my hands on. During the break between quarters I began to cover. My first cover was given to me by a Saudi man, just like my Quran which I still have and use. Also he gave me a set of slow recitation tapes so I could learn the Quran in Arabic as well as in English. I remember the uproar from my students that were Iranian. How could I do such a thing? Then they went on to tell me horror stories of life under the Khomeini regime. Did that deter me? No. Life in the USA was not the same and I was doing what Allah had commanded. I remember just after beginning to cover many of the young men went back and brought back wives. They asked me to teach their wives English as they did not feel comfortable bringing their wives to the school.
My first glimpse of these women was a mixed bag. I attended a few dinners at their homes. Men separated from women and me not speaking Arabic I was usually off in a corner playing with a baby or toddler and at worst reading a "Sadayati" magazine. That's where I learned the Arabic alphabet and the numbers. Word search puzzles in the back. But my most interesting days were ones when the ladies pulled out the wedding books and showed me the photos. Wow! How lovely they were these ladies. There wedding photos were the envy of many an American woman. But what really drew my attention was the ones the ladies showed me of their honeymoons. Here in the states the women were covered head to toe, all with the niqba and gloves and stocking to boot yet in the photos they were not. They had bikinis on. Laying in the sun of a Hawaiian beach in barely any clothes. How was this? Was God not in Hawaii? Here no one saw a inch of their skin yet there away from eyes they bare it all. Why I wondered. Now my question, the Quran says for a woman to cover her beauty, it never specified how this was to be done, but we have guidance from the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and his wives (pbut). He said that at puberty a woman must cover everything but this- hands, face and feet. So why do women use a niqba? I have argued this point many a year since I became Muslim. I can see if you have makeup on an going to a party why it would be good to cover your face, but why else. So in forum I see people saying that these women could be hiding their identity. Maybe they are not who they say they are. They are at risk for security because if they do something bad you did not see their face to say it was that woman....And many other lame excuses. Why target these women. I never really agreed with the niqba myself and I remember when my best buddy Janel wore it. It was hard to eat out in public and reading a pricetag in public was always a chore. Keeping an eye out for the little ones was difficult too as you got limited vision under there. Also in the USA people are very face oriented. Just like a handshake you need to see a persons face. If you are going to be in the public eye a veil is a hamper. But I respect the women who do want to wear them. Lately I have equated not seeing a face as equal to a blind persons view on the world. They cannot "see" ever persons face yet they must trust whom they meet. How often have you seen a blind person ask you permission to "feel your face" the only way they can "see" you I ask people.
Do people have the right morally to tell women who veil to remove it? I talked to a few banks in our area and all said that a fingerprint will work if the woman chooses not to use a photo id. Can this solve a problem. What about women who have traveled who veil? I remember one lady who had a photo passport but she would only show it to a female rep and lift her veil in private. What about drivers license? I know many women who veil that drive. Some with the full face on. Don't you think that limits your field of vision? One lady I know lifted her veil and used sunglasses. How funny that looks to outsiders. I guess my point is who's right is it to tell us how to practice our faith? Here I get so much of "well if you don't like the rules go home" well dammit I am home.... but for all the freedom we have as Americans I would gladly give it up some days. While in Libya I was never abused by the public opinion for being an American and not speaking Arabic. So why must I endure such nonsense in my own lands? As this issue of veiling becomes more predominant I wonder how the Muslim world will react to it. The veil is an extention of the command to cover, will it be a issue of the fundamentalist or the extremist? And finally why is this directed solely at Muslim women. One question I have asked in forum many a day is what crime has a veiled woman ever committed? None have surfaced yet! But with the rise in political issues will it merely be a matter of time before one lady does. Would like your comments on how you feel about this issue. And although I may not sound like it I do support the woman who veils its just not for me.

The Three Amigos

Today I thought I would share a bit of my life with everyone. I was married in 1986 to a man who at the time I felt was the hottest thing I had seen in a long time. He was the imam at my local mosque and was held in high regards by the community. Just after we married we decided to move to Georgia and live by a uncle of mine as work was scarce in Utah. So we packed up what we had into my old chevy truck and put what else we could not carry into storage and began our trip.
The next day we arrived in Colorado and we spent a few weeks visiting with friends of my husband. We finally landed in Denver and after a few days the local men had begged my husband to stay. Not having much money and no job a good friend of his allowed us to stay with his family. Abdulsalam and Theresa had married about two years before and they had a small son. They had a two bedroom apartment and we were given the master bedroom. After a short stay with them we moved in with Yousef and Janel another couple we had met. Yousef and Janel were expecting their first child due just about any day and my husband was nervous as to when we would need to move on. He had started working and was expecting his first paycheck any day. Finally the big day arrived and their new daughter Sakina joined the world. So we looked real quick for an apartment of our own. Thankfully we found one and we finally settled in to our own place. Over the years we had became good friends. Now if you are married to a Libyan you know that can be difficult. Three women from different backgrounds who's only common denominator is a Libyan husband. The men would say one thing and the women would say something totally different and things were always getting mixed up. About two years later we had finally made it to the world of parenthood and were expecting our first child together. Funny it seemed like every time one got pregnant one of the others would get pregnant also. Janel had added twins to her home and Theresa had finally had a girl and was expecting again and due any time. Our families were growing in leaps and bounds.
My husbands family so much wanted us to come to Libya so they had sent tickets for us to travel but since I had a history of problems I told them to wait till after the baby was born..
On October 17, 1989 our son Suhayb was born. Janel was in attendance and we both gave a hoot of joy when the doctor announced I had a son. The day I brought him home began years of waiting.....He had a seizure the first night home and we rushed him to the hospital. For three weeks I tried to convince doctors that he was having seizures when he slept. Not till one day at his first physical did they get a glimpse of what I meant. He had just fallen asleep and began to seize just as the doctor came in the room. See I was not a neurotic mom my son was having seizures. For the next three weeks we waded through hell. Maybe he had this or that? Hell they didn't know and they poked and prodded his little body trying to figure out what was wrong. After he was 18 months they finally went away. By then another child was on the way and I was having problems with high blood pressure and blackouts. So we waited. After Suhayl was born I got a whole three months and the doctor said guess what! You have got to be kidding! Nope another was on the way and the doctor suggested we wait again. We had quite a list of complications during that pregnancy. At four months my amnio came back as possible downs syndrome. And a few months later my father was diagnosed with Alzheimers and Parkinsons and in the same week a car accident nearly took my husbands life.
So we waited....Aieysha came out fine but she does have some learning disabilities. Dad died much sooner than expected he lasted just one short year and he died at 59, months away from retiring. Taher spent four years recouping from his accident and me with three small kids to deal with.
For many years we waited two more daughters were born and by then we never imagined we would make it back home. Yousif and Janel had traveled just after Suhayb got out of the hospital and Abdulsalam and Theresa followed shortly after. The Three Amigos had been broken up. Back then there was barely phones and mail was a joke so we lost touch with Janel, Theresa came back after a few months as one of the kids had developed seizures and she wanted to be in the states. Finally, after 17 years I had heard enough of it was my fault we never went home. And I set out to make it happen. As you know I spent months gathering information and trying to learn all I could about Libya. I contacted Janel now that internet was available and she introduced me to other ladies. Each month I pushed my husband to get things done. We were not getting any older and now with five kids the cost of tickets were quite more than we imagined. Not to mention passports and visas and all the things we needed like baggage and clothes and so many other things.
Everyone knows how my trip went and now that I am back I spend many days talking with Theresa. They hope to go this next year too. Many of the families here have begun going back and forth with the kids. But the bigger families it is much harder as the cost is multiplied. So now we are planning month by month. Buy a ticket, get a passport, buy a gift or stuff to take. Each month is spent figuring out how to make it work. I cannot wait till next year. The Three Amigos will be together again...We each have 7 kids now....We are older and wiser. The kids are growing and life is suddenly shorter. Twenty-one years ago three women embarked on a friendship that has lasted. Even distance has changed us very little. I remember seeing Janel after 16 years and yet is was as though we had seen each other yesterday....We had (at least I had) gotten older and grayer and starting to add a few wrinkles. We remarked how our babies had grown and we teased the older ones on how we had once changed their diapers, (moms love to do that) and how they were still our babies.
I cannot wait till next year when the Three Amigos are together again. Libya beware!!!

When Barbie becomes Fulla

No, I'm not talking about the dolls but our own daughters. When they are little we dress them up and put them in pretty dresses. Fix their hair and put on makeup and then take them out for the world to adore. So what happens when they reach puberty? Its a hard question, one that many a mom has stressed over. Do I tell my daughter to hijab or wait and let her do it on her own. What if she reaches puberty early? My girls hit it around 10 and although I let them cover since infancy, it is never been mandantory. Well today my 10 year old Khadijah joined the ranks of women. She is my barbie. I tried for many years to keep her modestly dressed and was set back a bit when we were in Libya and the family felt I was being hard by having the girls cover. "Oh she's too young"! No she is not I would say but they got their way. So was I being too orthodox or them too loose? What about those girls who are a bit more on the looker side? Do you suggest a veil for them?
We have about 10 girls in our school of 800 students that are muslim so she has others who are like her. She will not be alone and she has worn it before so kids know why she wears it. So what have you other ladies done? Do you keep with faith that says puberty or let time take the lead. How do you talk to kids about sex in Islam? My boys and I are pretty open but their father has never said anything to them. Do you consider them adults? What suggestions do you give other women who are contemplating this problem.
I have my girls cover plain and simple. Right or wrong they can be married and do as they wish then till then I hope they see my example and feel good about what Allah has commanded.