Opportunities That Only Come Once In Life

Sometimes you get a chance to do something that you feel at the time is a once in a lifetime chance. Two days ago hubby called from work and offered me two tickets to go see Obama speak in Denver. Sure I will take them and Khadijah can go as I felt she would get the most out of it. It was a town meeting about Job Reform Act and expected to be indoors so was excited to go. By evening my son said he didn't want to take me that far as it was on the other side of downtown Denver. My drivers licence had expired on my birthday and hadn't gotten around to deciding if I would renew it. But by morning if I wanted to go I would have to take myself or find someone to go with. I called my friend Carolyn and she works close to the meeting place and she said it was ok I was in a grace period and could still drive.

A quick dress and I was out the door headed to the dreaded freeway. I got to the corner and hit a red light, bad omen one. Got two blocks down and all of a sudden red lights flashing and all cars moving to left, 4 car pile up, omen two. Honestly I should have turned around then, but I kept on. Took the off-ramp and saw a bit of slow traffic oh boy why don't I take the next exit and go back home. Again, I shrugged off the ill omens and headed north. Traffic was not to bad but was still white knuckled by the time I arrived to her work. We sat and chatted until time to go. She grabbed her cellphone and put in the address into a mapping program and it said two miles. Driving down we got close to the address that the GPS was saying yet no school was in site. Are you sure its correct? Looked at the address, "NO" its south not north we got half the city to cross and now we are running late. (go home now, go home now). Reprogrammed and hit the gas. Finally, we see a large crowd ahead. Where is parking? Ask a ROTC kid think they are helping with crowds, lots of them around. Turn around go back a few blocks park in Kmart parking. Cool. Noticed crowd on north was smaller so we headed there. Its hot outside, no worries once we get through the scanners we will be in the school gym then we can relax. 1/2 hour later we are at the scanners. Guy says head to the bandstand and get as close as you can. "Bandstand"???? You mean that spot over where the camera crews have set up?? Where are bleachers?? Chairs??? Nope you need to stand here. Ticket says 11 am. Ok, Im in a suit in 90 sun with no clouds no shade. Wish I had listened to my little whispers. Crowd gathering closer now its filling in. How are all those people outside the gate going to fit in the school parking lot?? It's 11:30 when is he speaking? Person next to me says 2 PM. WHAT DID YOU SAY???

Its been an hour they have already had to take 1 person away from the heat. Its so hot. But I chat with the people around me, it could be worse.. rain, snow we could be listening to G speak not Obama. We are here on our own accord, we are not starving waiting for food relief. There was no water or food allowed in, no umbrellas too. No room to even sit down now. Its Noon. Another person has to be carted away. An old couple is next to me, a older woman and a younger couple he's a vet, served in Dubai. Lots of teens around. One is pushing the vet. He tells him to backup a bit. Kid started to bad mouth. Kid is come on...great im in a high crime area and I got two people ready to fight in a parking lot and snipers on the roof easy shot..its a peaceful gathering...(why didn't I stay home)..vet is good tells the kid come on you got no chance. Kid backs off and moves away. A few other kids are smooching the older couple chuckles and says get a room please. They stop :). Its 1pm. two more people are down. The elderly woman is getting too hot. Here sit on my jacket kids move a bit let her rest. We crowd around her to block the sun someone gets some water for her. They give us small glasses of water the line is 50 people deep. The wife is not feeling good now..husband is worried its ok we got it..a kid hands us a note book so we can fan her and we block the sun with my jacket again. People keep pushing past us..come on we got old people here you are going to step on..they don't seem to care. We keep reminding ourselves it could be worse. God keeps blowing small kisses of cool air though the crowd. Im fine and Carolyn has moved up toward the front..nope I will stay here its more spaced.. 2PM..finally we stand straight for the flag. American the Beautiful is sung, she did well. The time is up...people on the stage pointing one more down...asking for water...yeah where is water they should be passing water through the crowds. We discuss how eloquent a speaker Obama is, will he get a second term to undo the damage, will his bill pass, at least we are not listening to G. Music is playing songs filter over the crowd... Helo flies overhead..He is here...WOW its him. Obama...He starts to speak most I cannot hear even though he has microphones. Its like sardines now and some kid over 6 ft just got in front of me...I look around kids smaller than me, the old couple, the lady in red (we called her)..her name is Betty. We introduced ourselves. Such nice people to be near. The kids look on to our odd little group.

I can see the back of Carolyn's head on an off. 1/2 its over..The older couple had to leave she was getting too hot they missed most of it unless she got moved back a bit and got some water. Too many people all coming my way. I moved back to the cameras..Carolyn is here. amazingly neither of us is hot or woozy from the heat..

I moved, OMG my feet are killing me.. I find a clearing and take off my shoes..i feel better. We start heading to the car. Officers are taking pictures with people..Men in uniform. Someone asked if i'm ok,,yes im fine..my feet hurt. Cross the street and walk two blocks in stocking feet, it feels so good but im so stiff. Lets get to the car go eat. Roadblocks lets go north miss all the traffic we can find our way stick on the main roads. Industrial area lots of dead ends. Follow the buses. Hey we are close to Carolyn's parents home can I drop her. Stay to chat, a bit of cake and a drink. I can't wait to get out of these clothes. Its getting late suddenly..Lets go to late to shop now. Traffic is smooth sailing and I arrived at home. I am hungry, I can smell food. Thank God the kids are cooking..I walk in "MOMMA what happened to your face?? Walk to the bathroom. Lift my scarf. Sunburned.. shower feels good. Lotion on my face..go to sit..kids bring me dinner and I eat. Im tired want to sleep. Phone rings...better not be Melissa calling that she is in labor..she is due soon. No they are inducing me on grandma's birthday can I call her tomorrow so she will know. Sure hey I saw Obama today all I got was a sunburn. :P http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0911/64572.html here is what he said. Remind me next time someone offers me a once in a lifetime chance to do something I find out more ahead of time. My face is sore today...

Mile Markers in a Persons Life

I probably should have waited, but if I don't write some of this down now one day I will wish I had or my kids will wish momma did. So with a few links off the internet I will try to provide a bit for my future grand-kids to know "where grandma was during the war to liberate Libya'.

By any measure it is the will of Allah that kept us at least me and the kids from not being in Libya when this all happened. So like many expat families we watched from abroad the images on tv and online of glimpses into Libya. I found just by accident the web site called livestream http://www.livestream.com/libya17feb and it took a few days before I learned how to bookmark it as I had just moved over to another browser. I signed in under my old moniker and watched as a young man broadcast his reports from Benghazi the large eastern city in Libya. I have friends from there but I had no idea what it was like. Over the days I watched and occasionally I would post a comment or two chatting with the various people there. This link is one of my earliest posts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5G5ZL91QTs at about 2 minutes I chimed in I was still a wall flower at the time. Each day I sat for hours on end watching trying to find out what was happening so I could later in the day tell my husband what had transpired. Grandpa worked so he was unable to watch tv and I think he was apathetic at times as uprisings had happened before and were soon quelled so I don't think he thought much of it in those days.

Bit by bit I was becoming involved with what was happening in the room and looks at clips that show the chatroom discussions will show that I posted more and more over time and even learned how to use skype and twitter to get the word out that Libya was in need of help. I had no contacts with anyone, I was no one important an old woman sitting in her basement all day long watching screens and feeling many days helpless while across the world a young man begged for help.

By mid March I was behind the scenes helping where I could mostly I feel as moral support to a group of people from all over the world trying to help this young man get his word out. On one particular night we stayed up til all hours trying to work out how to get a tv truck from one country to Libya and how to get it there safely. He wanted a mobile truck with sat so he could broadcast as he traveled around the city a citizen journalist at his best. I was awestruck of this young man. He was well to do and often times when asked how to pay for this or that he said. "I will pay for it". That was a profound quality to me. Stories will i'm sure be written later on about what transpired behind the scenes there in Benghazi but I for one know some parts but better now to keep them as they do no good. In the end what was a group of men turned into one man moving and hiding and trying his best to get the word out sometimes with no more than a handi-cam and a cell phone and his laptop system. He had been trying to negotiate with Nilesat to broadcast his signal and had paid their price and yet the moment he was to be launched his signal was cut dead by sabotage. In the background many of us cried those of us who worked behind the scenes. Years from now I wonder at all the user names we had who will come forward and say it was I that was so and so, but I guess I prefer to follow in one of my ancestors footsteps and not say. My kids know the name and maybe a year or so from now it will be ok to write it down. See in genealogy work you either have people who keep excellent records or people you wish had just wrote it down when it happened as now they forgot half of it and their minds are brittle now and the kids well they didn't pay much attention back then. To my grand-kids your parents fall in that category hehe..so if not for grandma writing this down now you would be out of luck. And lets just say there are some-days grandma worries that she will not always be around or that her mind is going brittle too. I have hundreds of pages book marked and I hope to bit by bit go through and put them into some type of order so that first your parents got and education out of them and secondly, you know what happened while it was fresh in our minds unclouded by future events and historians.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiWgDuG6_Is This day for now is imprinted in my head and will stay there for quite a while but already it has lost its hurt and is becoming only a memory. So, I guess I better write while I can my point of view of the events of that day. The night before I stayed up actually till the dawn of that morning that is portrayed in the video. Benghazi had rose up on the 17th of Feb and by March was doing pretty good but was still under occasional attacks. We has lost out on getting the sat system up and he was determined to have a sat truck so he could broadcast his stories around Benghazi. Mohammed was in hiding with his wife we called her Perditta. I once was told her name but as things go I knew it was better not to know it so it was forgotten. Anyways, we had tried all night as Mohammed had reported bombs being dropped in the city and we were his team from around the world frantically calling in every news person, dignitary or person of any form of power to ask NATO or someone to help them they were hours away from being massacred. Many of us spoke to him on skype trying to get what he wanted us to do to help, while all along feeling helpless to do nothing. I remember getting a message from one person saying, "they don't believe us". I went and laid down crying myself to sleep. It was not even 4 hours later I was awoken and now as I felt then, God had a reason for me to wake up so I came over to the computer and rubbed my eyes and looking at the screen of chatters in front of me. I was running three main screens, twitter, skype and the livestream across my laptop at all times. I never shut down hoping that skype the one way our family could reach us was always open in hopes that they could contact us. So I sat refreshing my screens and trying to see what reason I had been awoken. They were saying Mohammed had gone out to film a home that had been hit in Benghazi, two children sleeping in their beds had been killed...one of many that day to die. Apparently Mohammed could not wait and anyone who worked with him can testify to that. And asked someone to take him out so he could film. Some time during that drive he was hit by a bullet and killed. I had barely cleared my eyes and Perditta came on behind the scenes. I was getting a skype message that Mohammed had been hit and was taken to a hospital and Perditta was on her way to see him. Behind the scenes there was panic and confusion. Not Mohammed.... I don't even think it was 1/2 hour later and Perditta came back in and we were being told she was coming on the air and to be ready. The link posted above tells it all. Mohammed had been killed. We were all devastated. From that day I guess that was when things started falling apart. Perditta asked a few people to take over for her until she could come back online. We knew she was pregnant and now she had lost her husband and she needed time to grieve. Some will say many things and time glosses over truths and half truths and there will be heated debates i'm sure but I have no part in them. That day Perditta called me by my screen name and made me a moderator and then she left it in our hands. In many ways the room fell apart. We recorded over 5000 viewers that day. And in the coming months we were lucky to have 70 average viewers. Again there will be stories of why and how but this was a new medium for news and with all the grief and hostilities and opinions we did what we felt was best. We were subjected to hacked links and hacked accounts and attacks in all forms so we had to be careful. I am sure many innocents got pushed out along the way. There were verbal attacks and issues common to any group of people placed under a severe duress will face but in the end I went my own way. It had no longer been a place of news or even comfort for me it was a grueling day of stopping arguments and hostile discussion and Tripoli 6 months later still was not free. Just a few months prior to all this I had nearly died twice in 4 days and so my health was always an issue. For my health I backed away. A week later Tripoli was freed and I was able to call to Libya and talk to uncle Salem and then later to Maryam the wife of my nephew to see that the family at least them that I spoke to were well. Auntie Aieysha was not doing well she had not been able to get her cancer medications and they were worried for her. I spent my days now watching the twitter screen, various media outlets and skyping to a few people. I cut all my ties but two to the people I was part of. In reviewing my old skype messages I found my last words to Mohammed it was the tally of the UN decision vote all yeah with two abstain Russia and China. The next day after Mohammed died Nato sent in planes.

Before I stop this mile marker I leave one last video. I can go back in my skype messages and see I was talking to her mom a few hours before. I suggested a few ideas for induction of labor. Not really knowing that she was already in early labor but being a few days overdue you know how moms are at that time. She logged off. The next day we all were told not by her but by a person to excited to wait. Then the small media blitz heralded Mayar Mohamed Nabbous. The only child of the first Libyan Citizen Journalist who had died trying to help free Libya. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKQ0vsvszfM I don't expect to ever see her but to know that I had a small part of her life as a mile marker in mine I will be grateful to know that she grows up free. So like my ancestor Ephraim Bowen who carried the gun that another man grab and shot with. We are footnotes in History. He went to his deathbed hiding his secrets due to persecution by the British they never told and he being the last told on his death bed. I have seen now that death is not for the old. It is for the young, the innocent, the unborn and the old. When your time is up it is. So these shall be my records for my future kids.

Technical Issues

You know what is like to find a old friend then not be able to find them again? Well, my life has been full of that lately haha....I was so excited to finally be able to say what had been going on in my life the past 6 months and I was so happy that in the mix-ups of the past 6 months that I had not forgotten my passwords to access this account so I could continue blogging. I had made my post and went the next day to add more and for some reason it would not let me back into my account. I had lost both my email accounts and due to my "activities" I was continuing to have to change my passwords to protect those I love. Now that things had settled down I wanted to try and put into words my past 6 months and then found that I was unable to get back in. These pages are all that are left of my trip there and today a warning that they no longer existed just about tossed me over the deep end.

Ramadan will soon be over and yes, it has been the usual feelings of not quite what I wished for but in a way it is more than I could ever wish for. Libya in many ways is finally free. I have been able to contact a few more family members and although connections are not yet great was able to talk to them a few moments. Their posts on Facebook have returned and for some stranger years from now they would see no change in our lives.

But, life has changed...hopefully for the best and for the future of many generations to come. My family has been pretty much quiet here as we waited for news from back home. In all reality we are fortunate that circumstances were what they were and myself and my kids were not stuck there while my husband would have been alone in the states. I spoke to family in January and they said one of the nieces was marrying in May. I wanted to come and spend some time and get the older kids scholarships so they could study. I knew it might take a few months and it was a good opportunity to see the family again. I dug out the passports and looked at them and found them to be expired and so it was discussed how to get them reordered in time for May. Then a few short weeks later Egypt broke out in protest followed by Libya. I found the livestream that I mentioned in my last message and followed news and reports up to 18 hours a day hoping for bits and pieces that would allow me to know what might be happening there. Months went by and I was getting weary....I think that the civil war must have been hell for my dear ancestors....we have all types of media now and although we could not make much contact with people there, we knew what was going on and the world was watching.

FREEDOM.....that word still has not sunk in for many as some areas still are under siege and prone to attacks by pro G forces. Today I cried as I listened to the Transitional National Council say that they had moved to Tripoli and that G's reign of terror was over and a new day was dawning in Libya. A new life...

There is someone there who we all hope is well and soon I hope she will post as we all have missed her stories im sure more than anyone has missed mine. Khadija I pray that you are safe as well. And all the other sisters whom I was pleasured to meet when I last was there. How has their lives been like? American or other foreign women married to Libyan men with children of Libyan birth. How many took their families and got out or like a few stayed behind. I can only imagine their families worrying over them as I have done over mine there.

I wanted to help them...I also wanted to be a provider which once Libya was free help to bring in all that we needed, what was denied to them that was a rightful destiny of any person. Education, Medical and Self Awareness

I could write for hours the pros and cons of a free society....I have already seen what some of the youth want...alcohol and drugs I mean come on its a new world and they feel its their right to have it how they want it...but, this is how I see it. Thousands if not millions of lives have been forever changed and we through the media and internet have seen and read and heard the stories. How do you bring such things into lives already damaged? So that instead of rebuilding lives they are farther torn apart by vices. Also the idea of sudden wealth...Libya has vast riches that should have been theirs all along but was squandered by a few. At a tune of 6 million people they are a small population really and with the money that was frozen and the natural wealth of the country they could be riches beyond their wildest dreams...to me that is just as scary.

I want to go there, I promised I would and even though things were not the best before, to go again has always been my goal.

Like before when I started this blog, I have to consider a few things....7 kids and now 4 grand-kids. They are not babies anymore and some are over the age of 18 so legally I cannot force them to do anything. I don't want to imagine that. If we go do we stay and travel here for visits and use internet to chat back and fourth between vacations? Or do we go there for a visit see that its not what my husband ever imagined and come back here to live out our lives while visiting there when we can. I can't say. My husband and myself are not young anymore. Life here has been a struggle the past years and we seem never to get ahead although we are in many ways better off than we had been. If my husband were to not be able to work what would I do? My health issues have left me with few choices. So as I work out these "technical issues" I guess now that I got back in and can post I will try and keep a running diary here of my thoughts. One day I guess my kids will look at this and see how hard it was to make these choices. Stay tuned for further updates as they become available hehe...

Libya is Free

As I typed these words i had to pause for a moment. It seemed odd to even type it and know that it is really happening. Im full of thoughts and emotions and sometimes that is the best time to write down what you are feeling so forgive me from now if i ramble on. I'm sitting at my computer, the place I spend most of my time for those who know me.

For the last 6 months I have spent hours on end with multiple screens open with lots of tabs watching links and tweets and chatrooms and videos and news reports on Libya. In February, the fall of Egypt caught my attention and then days later the rise of conflicts in Libya. I made my way around the internet world and found a chat room. If I dont write it now years from now no one will believe me so I post it now so if someone who was there now they can vouch later on but really its only me and my family who will care in the end. The livestream page of Mohammed Nabbous Libya AlHurraTV. 6 month later i'm looking at what has happened with a bit of sadness and mix of feelings. Only a few people know who I am and even fewer know what part I played in that mans short life. I'm not a friend by any standard but I can say I knew him briefly. One day I can show my greatgrandkids and grandchildren look here see that name on the screen that was me. "Yeah grandma right!" It will be up to my children to say yes that was your grandmother. History is being made now as I type this funny the guy on AJE just said that. What lies ahead for Libya? Today I am full of hopes for it while I listen to analyst tear apart our victory and debate over the rebels who fought it and the NTC who shall lead us into the future of my children's lives.

For the past 25 years, I promised my husband that one day we will go home, he will go home. 35 yrs I honestly don't think he thought that it would ever happen and now it has and his behavior is odd to me. No glee, no happiness, no emotions in fact he is sitting watching tv like nothing has changed in our lives. After nearly three years of not speaking, today we took the risk and called his oldest brother. We had news from the morning that Tajura his hometown was freed and by end of month at latest we hope that Tripoli would be free. It happened in a day. Im looking as I type this to the split screen of faces smiling and laughing with glee of people in Martyr square. 8 km away his family is sleeping or now rising to pray and eat before sunrise. I asked him do you want to call your father and mother? No, he said I don't want to listen to them now.

25 yrs and in the last 6 months i have found out things that most wives would have known long ago. But what all is between him and his father I guess I may never know. Maybe he hoped dad would be passed by now age and health taking him as many have. The war left me wondering daily if family any of them would be alive when this was over. I wanted many times to come and post a note here to share a bit of this before it was lost to memories, but worry that I was linked to a more popular blogger and they could be watching us, and what I might say could harm them there, so I waited. Years from now kids can surf the net and see all that we saw, old news by then long ago memories. For me there are some that will burn in my mind for years. This war can it be the last one? No as I type this Syria and Yemen and Bahrain and many more are waiting for their freedoms too. It now is called the "Arab Spring" some feared would turn to winter. The media of the Internet has forever changed how the world views wars. Video and cell phones made instant the news that in my parents generations it took waiting for some media station doctoring of videos to black out the ugly truths the blood, the gore, sanitize it for the viewers. This in itself has forever changed us. Our kids play video games where they kill and are killed in mocks of battles against demons and long ago warriors. Many freedom fighters as we prefer to call them, said that they learned how to fight playing these games...

What lies ahead? What will we do? Will we go back soon as possible or will we just send money and visit during summers? For now i'm putting these feelings here so one day like with my other posts I can look back and think what was I doing saying that?

The reporter just asked the man what are you thinking? He said for 42 yrs now all I am thinking is now we are free...FREEDOM...how many times over the last 6 months have I heard what people will do when Libya is free. How many voices and people I have met over this time, people I have viewed on video or pictures made it to this day? I personally know one who didn't. I sat in that chat room watching the screen as his wife came on and told us he had died. I cried like everyone else. That same day I became a moderator for that chat room courtesy of her. For many reasons I wont discuss as like everything over else time it will not matter later on. But i left the room a few weeks back and left myself with two people watching twitter and images and sharing with a two people over skype. Funny how long from now all these terms will be old? My greatgrandkids will be far beyond this technology by the time many of them will read this blog. To them this will be grandma's online diary. Wish I had kept a better one some days. For now i'm tired. 6 months have worn me out mentally and physically. I think tonight I will sleep like I have not done in all this time. No dreams, no tossing thinking and dreaming of chat talk. No more video images to haunt me in my slumber. How will all this go into the history books my future generations will read? I at least am a footnote in this part of my life. Even if I was to link the video as proof who knows how many years it will stay here. It will be archived somewhere as he is a martyr, Libyans will not forget him soon and just like Omar Muktar; whom I also share a link to (he died on my birthday but not the year). But his words "We win or we die" held so many of these young lives. I will try to come back here soon I almost forgot my passwords and id to access this account. Tomorrow my life goes back to normal a few more days and Libya will all be free. Unless something bad happens in the next few days, weeks, or months we made history. This little note is just my mental reminder to tell the grandkids the story of what grandma once did.

You Can't Go Home Again

Sorry, but this is the first time I have had an opportunity to sit down and type anything. We arrived in Orlando on May 10th and it has now been about three weeks since we arrived. Much like being overseas we are limited on Internet access. We have to go to a public library or to either my sister or my aunts home to get Internet otherwise and the girls are pretty hard up for access. We arrived and went to my sisters home where my mother was waiting for us to arrive since with kids and baggage there was no room for her to meet us at the airport. My sister has a nice place with a covered pool and the girls eyed it greedily. Later we proceeded to my mothers apartment and we saw that she had a one bedroom apartment with a small kitchen and living room. That night we blew up some air mattresses and the girls settled in for their first night.

My first goal was to see my grandmother. She had made it to almost 90 years and I was so fearful that another day would pass and it would be too late. So the next morning we took a drive to Sanford to the nursing home where she is living. I saw her the moment I was through the door. It was a hard shock having only seen a picture of her in the last 35 years and she had lost even more weight from the photo. But it was my grandmother. I can in my heart say she knew who I was but in reality she probably had no idea anymore than some stranger who walked in off the street. She was sitting in a common room and lying in a wheelchair lounger. I guess she was in quite a bit of pain and she was uncomfortable sitting. Needless to say we didn't stay for very long its hard to see someone you love in pain. We shot a few photos and then mom took us on a drive to Geneva where I grew up. I could picture some of the places but so much has changed in over 40 years since I had been up that old road. The weeds and trees now cover everything and you could not see more than a foot past the edge of the road. This was once the front of the house. We drove by the cemetery and I took a few photos of the headstones and we drove through the town and momma showed me a few historic places in town. A few days later we went to my Aunt Ruby's house and saw her and her husband Larry. I have memories of Ruby but none of Larry so it was like meeting someone for the first time. A few days later I got to see my aunt Mary and her sweetie John. They have six acres of land in Sanford and it has a small pond on it and boy I could stay here forever.

Most of the trip so far has gone pretty good but its hard being around people you haven't seen in so many years. There are times when things are strained with my mother and I had no memory of this but I guess my brother in law didn't care for me as I guess the first time I was too have met him was when I was picking up my two oldest girls at my mothers house over 20 years ago and I guess I ran in and out without a single word to him. I did apologize but who knows. You can't undo past. I have spent two weekends at my aunts house and one of them was when my aunt Anita came down from Georgia to see grandma. I got to meet her four children and a few of the kids of my uncle Mike and Mary's son Charlie. We had a nice get together but I will have to load photos later on that one. I'm on another user on the computer and I can't access all my photos.

Other than that, Fatimah had two assignments to finish while we were here and we have been photographing bugs and birds and all kinds of plants while we are here. We will have a few days of looking things up online to see and learn more about them. Well, here it is late and I will try to get a few more bits down before the trip is over and I forget half of what I did.

Another Trip to Make

When the Hubby and I married I promised I would go with him anywhere as long as before I left the country for good I would be able to go back to my childhood home and see my family one last time. Don't fear! I'm not leaving the country...at least not this time. Another trip is now in the plans and it is one that has been 37 years in the waiting. I'm going back home. I was born in Sanford, Florida and lived in a smaller town Geneva until I was seven when momma remarried. We left and returned for one year in 1972-1973. Since then, I have not been back home. After dad passed away momma moved back there to be close to her family. My sister Faye also lives there with her husband Mike.

I have been itching to go somewhere again and with this years taxes I asked him a favor. I want to go home. I had my grandchildren with me last summer and my mother and sister visited also during their stay. The day after their arrival I had a stroke and it scared me. Life is just to damn short. I need to see my family again. I need to see my roots and share it with my children. working on genealogy my kids hear some of the details of where I grew up but know little of my life. So me and the girls are making a trip. Tickets are bought and we will be leaving from May 9th to June 21st. While I am there I will be seeing my grandmother who will turn 90. I pray she holds on long enough for me to see her.

My camera is shot so I need to get another one before I go but I hope to do a few things while I am there. Go to the cemetery and photograph the headstones. Look up some records and talk to as many family members as I can. I have lost so many years and my own aunts and uncles I don't even know anymore. They have children I have never seen or they were babies when I last saw them and they are now parents themselves. I want to show the kids what is left of the home I grew up in, the school and places I lived at. Hopefully I will get a good chance to post all my adventures. I pray it is more than what I hoped when I visited my husbands family. I still love them and hope to travel there again but who knows when that will be. I made a video from some old images that I dedicated to my grandparents and I have added a link here. I am trying to get others interested in what I am doing. I guess I had already added this but there is another I will add too. Cant figure out how to remove the other one so here it is again.

What's Happening

Well it's hard to believe we are in a new year. In some ways not much has happened but as always the children are growing and I am getting older. I have continued my genealogy work and begun a new venture, making home videos. I have two now one a tribute to my grandparents and one for my son Suhayb. I have added one here for you to enjoy. Hopefully it doesn't get edited for some reason.

Looking Into the Past

Ok, so anyone who knows me or has read my blog over the past few years knows I don't have much else to do besides kids and Genealogy. I finally got around to testing my mtDNA and for those of you who are not savvy it is the line of females from which women trace their ancestors. It is a gene passed from female to her children but only continued through females. Since starting my research I knew back five to six generations based on family records. Proving is harder than old folks memories. I traced back to a wife of Eldred Swain of Emanuel County, Georgia in the 1700's. Her name was Delana, and that was all that was written. Records prior to 1850 only contained the names of the head of household and then marks represented the age groups of male and females living in the household and if they were free persons or a slave. So trying to prove someone prior to 1850 is pretty difficult unless you find other documents such as wills that give names of otherwise digits on a page. And since a census was every 10 years looking for people is difficult and if you are a female even harder once you passed 12. I have looked on various sites for the past four years and finally found a man working on a branch of the line of Eldred Swain where he mentioned that she was possibly a Johnson. Then you get a last name but if there are many living in the area what then?
This was the same with another female ancestor. With her we knew her last name but finding her parents was another feat. I finally found a possible that until proven wrong I am sticking with. We have one family of Johnson living in the county close in proximity to the family of her known husband. The census in which she would be a child is of course the digits no names but their is a child with the age category living in the home. By the next census she is married so how can I prove her? I have looked for marriage records but if there ever was one I cannot find it. One person denied me so far saying that she married to early, and the parents had their first child three years after they were married. Ok, so a couple marries and doesn't have a kid for three years? They didn't have birth control as is evident by my large family lines (hehe they didn't have much else to do). So my assumption stays. But you think working with every ten years is hard but how about when someone is from another country? Some countries do have records but third world is usually a oral history. Like my hubby I was finally able to prove to him the other day he is five years older than he thinks he is. His mother said that he was born the year the locusts swarmed in Libya. I looked it up after watching a show on History Channel on Biblical Disasters, he was born in 1955. But after 22 years of marriage, who cares about five years. But when I ask him about his ancestry, he can name his grandfathers for five generations but ask for a female name or dates of birth and he is lost. How do I share my children's heritage with them if we cannot remember names?
My mtDNA showed that my female line in a few short skips go from Georgia to Europe and Germany and then to the people of Yemen or North Africa a J1 Haplotype is what it is referred to. So I guess a few thousand years ago I was from the same place as my hubby was born. Just goes to show we are all one big family. I like the people who say oh I can trace to Adam, where did you find that census record, when I can't even find my greatx4grandparents? Another issue is the variations of a surname spelling. I may have brought this up on occasion but some of the spellings just make you wonder how we have the documents we do have. Such as today, I was looking up Boyett. Here's a few Boyette, Boyet, and try Benjamin and you get Ben, Benj, Benji, B and "Doc" or some other nickname that someone was called. For the longest time I thought that LNU was a spelling for some female name and finally found out it stood for "Last name unknown". Jno is John and James can be Jimmie, Jim or Jimmy. I hope the census takers of 2010 will do a better job. And don't get me on handwriting or just initials for a whole family either!

New Opportunities

I guess I have a fan out there besides my brother, and they wanted to know how my other children were doing. I would have probably gotten around to them in the next few letters but until then here's what's happening.

Suhayb now 19, finally graduated from high school and is now attending a local community college. He wasn't too sure what he wanted to study and so I suggested he take his required like Math and English to begin. I explained to him that college is different. Teachers there can be much harder and more is expected as an adult. He was able to get two classes only due to late enrollment. He got English and Sociology. I told him I felt I was never good with English but deviant behaviors of humans was right up my alley. I went to college for 3 yrs and never finished. I tried to go back once and the beginning of the semester lost a child and I gave up on school.

He has only been going a week but he bumped into some old friends and seems to be doing ok. He is the only one who has to wake up early for school. The others being home schooled can sleep in and do work later in the day.

Hard to believe that my first son is going on 20 in October. I often tease my friends, on how handsome our sons have become and how beautiful each of our daughters have became as well. Suhayb was still wanting to be a Hockey Goalie but life just hasn't dealt us good hands with that so far. I do want him to reach out for a dream, as I and his father seem to have never reached our own. He had to write an essay for English the other day and he handed me a story about him and his dream to be a goalie for a pro team one day. I felt like crying, his dream is so strong and his desire is so great and yet seems like it is always just out of his reach. I sat there and wished that some Hockey coach sitting out there somewhere could see this essay and say, "Let me offer this kid a chance to have his dream." But, I don't know any Hockey coaches. As for other things he wants in life a car is always a matter of discussion. He is so tall that both of our cars he has to duck to get in and contort his legs to fit under the steering wheel. But we owe so much on the Taurus and now with the economy its worth less than what we owe so we just can't trade it in. As for the other car, Taher's old beat up Subaru Legacy it is so in need of being taken out back and shot its sad. The car has a great engine and we never have any problems with it but a few years back it got caught up in three separate accidents and its frame is bent and its paint is peeling from sitting under trees that leak sap at his work that its a sorry sight. So for now another car is out of question.

Suhayl, finally hit 17 this year. He got a nasty deal after last school year and like his brother will not graduate on time. He was supposed to be a senior this year and when I brought him to home study they reviewed his grades and he got 10th grade! They don't accept high school scores less than a C and so he has to redo so many of his classes that public school let him pass with F's. He can work quickly to do the courses and hopefully he can finish by next school years end. Suhayl is still one of my most loving children. Each time I see him, he is passing out hugs to me and his sisters. He makes up for me where his father's old styles lack. I need hugs. People need hugs in their lives and for some reason my hubby is not a hugger. So anytime I need one I know who I can go to. He has grown into a handsome young man like his brother and yet he is a reminder of how his father once looked. So often was it remarked how he looked just like his father when we went to Libya. He and Khadijah are the only two who look like their father's side of the family. Suhayl wants to be a computer programmer or a gaming designer. He has the head for it and is often called to fix someones computer on the block. I would love for him to apprentice under someone that fixes computers but things aren't like the old days when you could put a child under an adult and have them learn a trade. So every time I go to the library I find him books that he can read and learn. When he finishes high school I want him to go to a technical school and learn the trade. He's got the talent, and like his brother he has his dreams.

Khadijah I know I mentioned but let me bring her up as well. She is now 14 and becoming such a beautiful girl. This one will be some guys eye turner one day. She has it all looks, perfect frame and brains. She is very smart but she loves anime and has become a very good artist. Its funny how she can see a animation character and draw it almost as if she copied it but tell her to draw something else and you would think Fatimah drew it. I was a good artists in high school and yet mine was landscapes. I could draw somethings so real and others looked like kindergarten work. So I guess I know where she gets it from. I also happened across her ability to write. I was needing to shut down her computer and she had a paper for English up and I printed it out. I wasn't being nosey but the paper had some photos and I began to read. Her tone and style made me feel like a 9th grader again. How it feels to walk down the hall as a new kid and wondering if you will have a old friend in class with you so you don't feel so alone. She hit it on the head. If I can I will post a photo of some of her work if I can get her to find some of her best stuff. I will ask for some writing too.

Lets see, that leaves Aieysha and Fatimah. Since most of my last post dealt with Fatimah I will touch on Aieysha. Aieysha did not want to take the online school option she didn't want the pressure of meeting some teachers needs so I use the work Fatimah does and make her do the work. She struggles with spelling words and I feel for her some days. Aieysha also had a weight problem and now the doctor thinks that it is something she is not going to grow out of. So in the next few weeks she will go to the teen weight clinic and see what we can do. She wants to be a pet vet and yet I try to tell her in the softest manner possible that if you have trouble with 4th grade words this is so much harder. I told her maybe after she is 17, she could apprentice at a local pet shop but the few I talked too didn't seem kind to her. This child has so much love to share and yet people can't see past her. She would have to work with someone who works with kids with special needs or a really understanding person. In the meantime she asked a neighbor to walk her dog for her. In the beginning the neighbor was hesitant but I talked to her and told her that it is a big favor for my daughter as it helps her exercise and it makes her feel good to help others in someway. The dog gives her quite a workout as he is so happy and excited to be out of his yard and pulls her around the neighborhood. I told her when she was older and living on her own maybe she could work at a training school for animals or a shelter giving animals extra love. She has so much to give if she is just given a chance.

Last night, I was sitting with Khadijah and talking about Adam and Eve. She said, "Do we all come from them?" Well that is what our holy books teach us, I explained, and yet how do we not all look like each other was her answer. I told her of a article I had read on National Geographic channel I had read the other day. Scientists believe that we all originated from Africa. Here is where Adam and Eve would have landed after leaving the Garden of Eden. So that can explain the earliest of bones coming from that region. But these people were not white like all the pictures found in so many places around the world. Africa was a warm place and like great grandmother explained, "People in warm places had to be dark so they would not get sunburns and so that is why people are different colors." So how is it that all our churches have paintings of white people? Anyway, the article said that we came from one couple and that each generation there was a genetic chance that a mutation could occur. And that if a generation failed to reproduce certain genetic factors were lost and others became stronger. I told her, "look at your siblings, each of you have some trait of your parents yet none of you are identical to each other." Only her and Suhayl look like their fathers side. Everyone else except Melissa looks more like me while Melissa looks like her father. I told her each of them had bits and pieces of their ancestors that are carried on and with each generation some are lost and some stay until a later generation. That is why I like to look at old photos of my ancestors and see if I see something in them that has been passed on. Like your ears, I told Khadijah are from your great grandfather on my side. Grandpa had big ears and when she was born I knew just where they had came from. One thing I could never figure out though was if Adam and Eve were the first and their son killed his brother and then fled, who where the people he found? I figure there is an answer out there. Maybe Adam and Eve were the first of many? Also if Adam and Eve looked like us and they were the first, then why don't the oldest bones on earth looking just like us too? I feel they didn't look like us because we evolved as humans. God, put us here to nurture and grow and change. Like our animal companions we changed to fit the world we were given. Some days I don't think we evolved very well. Suhayb ask me the other day if I believed that the world was going to change or end in 12/24/2012. The Mayans and Aztecs think we will. I don't know I told him. I don't think God is done with us yet but with all that happens in this world. I feel some days that our end is closer than we want it to be. I told him remember when Fatimah was born, 09/09/99. All those fears of nuclear explosions due to computers reading 9999. Well we woke up the next day didn't we? Well lets go to sleep on 12/23/2012 and hope that if God sees fit we will wake to find the morning. Regardless of what man does to the day. There are days when he is so much like me...

Betty Davis Eyes

Maybe with some effort I could renew this old page. I pretty much stopped writing because I seemed to always be down on life. But regardless what life deals us we go on. So since my life revolves around my family I will chat about that and occasionally I will vent, hopefully not to often.

You know the old song "She's Got Betty Davis Eyes"? It was a song about a woman with a lovely set of peepers. Like the renowned eyes of actress Betty Davis. Well into her 80's at least now her eyes are about all that is still lovely but she is still a beauty. This week was trips to the doctors for two of the girls. Fatimah has now had Type 1 Diabetes for 7 years and was due for an eye exam. And Aieysha was scheduled for a dental to check progress on her braces.

Fatimah got very sick around her second birthday, at the time she was the third youngest in the USA. Also for some unknown reason children born in 1999 were coming up diabetic. Don't know why never looked into it much back then. Fatimah was born on 090999. She had just barely recovered and made it to two when a few days later a more famous day is known 9-11.

Well, this month she is 10 years old. She is my baby and its odd to know that my granddaughter Keeley just had her tenth birthday on the first. For anyone from Libya this is a day of pride. September 1 is the day Qhadaffi came into power. I got the letter from the Embassy warning us Americans to be careful during that time. I was in Libya that time, four years ago when I last was in Libya. I remember going to the capital city and seeing all the lights and decorations set to celebrate the day. And that evening I stayed at home with my brother in law Salem and could here the celebrations around the city.

Well, this year is much different, I'm in the USA and far from the sights and sounds of Tripoli. We are working on our third week of school and the kids are doing great. So, Monday I took Fatimah to her diabetes exam and for once in a very long time her Hb1C was 8.9. To those of you who suffer with diabetes you know that is the level of overall sugar in your system. A score under 7 is the best. But it has always been a struggle for us to keep her scores low. I hoped that with her getting older she would begin to understand more of not having so much of something or not asking for more when she eats less than a hour before but her little body goes into hunger pangs when her levels go up and she eats like there is no tomorrow. She has yet to understand that is a trigger that she needs to ignore. Her body is needing to burn the sugars in her system not add more to it. So things such as loss of eye sight over her lifetime will be reduced. They said that even people with good testing still can loose eyesight but I would love for it not to happen too soon. There is too much too see that she hasn't.

Well, we got a appointment for the next morning so I had two at the same time. I asked hubby to take Aieysha and I would go with Fatimah since they were only a few buildings apart. We got in and as usual my daughter was a social butterfly talking up a storm with the nurse. She was a bit scared when I told her what the doctor was going to do but she was a trouper. Her eyes were first looked at with various scopes and the nurse finally administered her drops to dilate her retina. Then she said it would be 15 minutes. A fine young doctor entered the room and had a wonderful bedside manner and she had a new buddy. He then was great at explaining what he was doing. The doctor used a variety of scopes to again look into her eyes. On on occasion she peeped, "I can see the back of my eyes!" He told us so many technical terms that I finally asked how to spell that one so we could share it with her siblings. ENTOPTIC Phenomena. When a strong light is shined into the back of your eye you get a refraction onto the lens and it is transferred back so you see a floating light. Next, he took a few photographs of her eyes to examine for damage to the blood vessels of her eyes. This damage is what results in lost of eyesight for diabetics. The tiny veins begin to deteriorate and the veins burst and eventually the eyes loose blood supply and they die. We looked in wonder at her eyes and commented on what they looked like. Chicken yolks came to mind, planets in space and plain old yuck was her opinion. But they were still strong that was all that mattered. Now each year she will be given an eye exam and if and when she starts having eye trouble we have a reference point to refer to for damage. In the photo above the dark spot is the eyes optic nerve that goes to our brain. The spider veins supply blood and oxygen to the eyes. The other light spot is the eye seeing light from the source. I was so thrilled I asked the doctor if he could email it to me to show the other kids. He took my email address and said he would try to.

Well, we gathered up our belongings and headed out the door and Fatimah, donned in her space glasses entered the bright sunlight and yelled. "its too bright!" Yes, hunny be thankful you can see this glorious day. Somewhere out there is someone who can't or doesn't want to see the wonder of this day. So to all of you- Look for your sunshine day and remember it when the world seems dark.

Am I Getting Older or What?

Where has time gone? Where has my life gone? I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that I am almost 50. I guess each year when my brother updates his email address it is a constant reminder that we are getting old. My oldest child Rachael will be 30 this year and I finally have a new grandson, Macloud Raiden Ruel. He was born in Feburary but I never saw him until this month. I live less than a mile from his mother yet I never saw him until my mother and sister came to visit me this month. Long story, but hey I haven't written anything in like over a year.

Rachael and Melissa are my older daughters from my life prior to becoming a Muslim. Rachael was a teen pregnancy whose father ran off and joined the Army and Melissa is the daughter of my first husband Steve. Life didn't deal me the best hand as a young woman and our relationship as mother and daughters is not what I want after so many years. Rachael lives with her two children Keeley and Kaleb in Utah and I talk to her just about every day if not twice a week. I talk to my grandchildren on a monthly basis or each time she calls at least. Melissa on the other hand moved here to Colorado after the death of her father. She had been dealt years of stories about Mom that anyone who has gone through child custody and divorce is familiar with. She didn't quite fit into my life and for many reasons she met and married a nice young man Michael. Don't get me wrong I love her with all my heart and they both know it as do my other children I have with Taher but our relationships are not the same.

Even though we are less than a mile apart we may be worlds away. I rarely see or hear from her and my life goes on. In June, my mother told me she and my sister Faye were planning a trip to see me then on to Utah to visit my other siblings. I haven't seen my mother in a few years and except for the phone relationship we now have I am not really a part of my families lives. Another result of American lives. My ties with my family started breaking long before but it was the death of my Adopted father James that broke the last straws for me. James adopted me and two siblings when I was 7 and although I remember that I had another last name I have no memories of my real father. This was one reason why I began my genealogy work. James had been married before and had two sons Kerry my most wonderful brother in the whole world and Farrell whom I met once in my lifetime and I wish to reach out to. Kerry came into my life at a pivotal point I had just became a teenager and he was the older brother I always wanted and now had. He was one of the few who thought it was cool to be an uncle, when I had my first child. Farrell came for a summer the year I was 14 and like most half siblings it was a miserable summer. He lived in Virginia and we never saw or spoke to each other again. James passed away 15 years ago, when my daughter Aieysha was barely a year old. The two boys have no memories of him as they only saw him when they were very little and Aieysha saw him a few weeks before his death. We all flew to Utah for the funeral and stayed just a few days as family issues arose that lead us to leave as soon as possible. Many hard feelings were made that day. Needless to say it was until I began my search for my birth father that my ties with my family were renewed. I finally got up the nerve to call my mother one day and get more needed info to try and solve the questions of my past.

Now it is two years later and I speak to my mother two to three times a week chatting about someone I found we were related to or asking if she can find a certain book at the most wonderful book store in Florida Books, Books, Books. Those ladies are great at finding stuff that I need or old books that are long out of publication lying on old dusty shelves. We joke that one of their best customers is in another state! Anyway, not too long after my sister became ill and they asked me if I could locate her father too. I did, but thankfully it was not a serious illness and they at least have a chance if they wish to form a union.

Maybe it is just me, or something I lost in life but I feel lost without knowing who my father was. I did find him, he is living but not anywhere close by. But once his family got involved they refused to speak to me. They wanted proof that I was his child. OK, I agree, but they have never done a DNA test to help me prove that and they do not respond to my letters. I guess this is one thing I will never know for sure. And it has left me feeling more lost.

Anyway back to last June, not only were my mother and sister coming to visit but my grandchildren Keeley and Kaleb were supposed to visit their father who now lives in Colorado for the summer and they needed a place to stay. So my little house was bursting! Mom and Faye came and we barely got one day with each other, seeing as I had not seen my sister in 15 years it was a bit odd but it felt like we had just talked last week. It was a bit strained I think no one wanted to say anything to damage the delicate balance we now live with. I have yet to really talk with my other siblings. Except for Kerry, I feel like I live alone when it comes to family.

With the beginning of Ramadan I am always sad, I think back to just four years ago when I went with my children on a trip to Libya to visit my husbands family. Those of you who know me know how that journey was. But now with time, all bad fades and I still would go again in a heartbeat to be back were at least there was family. Ramadan is so much of thanking God for what you have and some days I fell like I haven't given my kids the most important gift-FAMILY.

I can only hope that I at sometime in the future hold my grand kids on my lap and tell them the stories of their parents when they were little. While my mother and everyone were here I felt really sick the second day after they arrived. I thought it was the stress of just being together and so many people in one small house. Especially with the two extra children fighting over everything...I was making couscous for dinner and I was trying not to cut myself. I had felt funny all day and this was getting dangerous. I told them the meat was in the pot and the soup needed sometime and the couscous was ready and sat down on the couch. I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure but never stayed on medication due to doctors. I pulled out my blood pressure cuff and took my score it was 179/130. My sister called my old doctors office whom I had just been to a few months back and they took two hours to call me back. They said go to the hospital right away. Taher was called and my son drove as my sister had no idea where or how to get to the hospital and mom stayed with the other kids. At 3 am they said that it was close that my potassium level was so low that a heart stroke or attack was likely had I not came in.

The next day, I cried. I hadn't even seen my new grandson yet and I had just seen my sister after 15 years and it shook me to the core. What if I did have a stroke or attack and had died? Well, its a month later and I am doing better for a few weeks I walked and moved like granny but I have regained most of my health. I tried to fast but it drained me so badly that for my health I will not fast this year. My kids homestudy now and we have been in school two weeks and are doing great. I have my son to take me where I need if I need to go out although he hates to be chauffeur. But imagine if I have a weak spell while driving. I don't risk other peoples lives. The day after I got out of the hospital my daughter Melissa came and brought the baby for me to see. First time in 6 months, he was a beautiful boy, not sure where he got that from!! Hehehe. But I was having problems with weakness in my arms and could not hold him and he was looking at all the strange people and just bellowed. I went into my room to lie down and inside I was breaking, here was my grandson who I could not hold and who I had just seen for the first time and I almost never saw him. To me Ramadan is not fasting, not friends, or how many parties or dinners you have too serve to another group of guests it's FAMILY. Cherish what we have people. Life is getting short. My husband still has not talked to his family in years and mine is strained at best. But I have to make due with what I have. My children that are still at home and help them to understand the value of family as one day when we are older we may no longer have them around to enjoy. Peace to everyone and may you see your life in a new light today.

Ok so what happened to the Year?

Seems the last time I posted it was June, now I got one day and its Thanksgiving! I guess the best is to tell you what didn't happen. My main goal of the summer was to find a new home. I started out with an old realtor friend to assist us but found quite quickly that they just didn't understand our needs or my picky hubby. So, I went back to school for a few weeks and got my Broker license. In the state of Colorado you can be a agent or a Broker. Agent you are newer or you work for others, and a Broker you qualify to run an office or work on your own without a manager. Seeing as the classes I needed were the same in hours and this was the cheaper alternative, I choose to be a broker. I did sign on to a small office so I am her backup when she is out of town or in case of a emergency. Although, the TV states that Colorado is fairing well with the economy, we still have it tough here. If you have a job your a lucky person.

We spent all summer looking for just the right house and found one that suited the bill. It was a large home built in a smaller neighborhood that made it overpriced for the location, a bad builder mistake but great for the right buyer. I put in an offer with my manager as my license was not yet in place and some banks will not pay you if you are a agent. We asked for a quick reply as we needed to make quick plans to get the move done by end of summer. We waited two months longer than we had asked and in September they called and said they had accepted our offer.

I was so excited and knowing we would have only 30 days I started packing my house of all unneeded items. We finally got the paperwork from the agent and found the data was wrong. They said oh it was a mistake and they would resend. A few days later they said no it was a counter not a acceptance of the offer. I finally got a copy and was trying to get hubby to sign it on the last available day to sign it and we called to tell them that we were sending the papers. Now. The agent informed us that over the weekend an offer had came in and they had ACCEPTED it and so we were out. We lost the house. Now had the house been under a regular seller this could not have happened, but BANKS can do just as they please. My only consolation was that the buyers who bought it paid 190,000 more than I would have and boy did they pay too much. I think just like the last owner they think they can do repairs and resell it. Nope not for that kind of money. It had started out listing at 780,000 dollars and we would have paid 270,000. You see its all in the location. Had the house been a few miles in any other direction it could go for that much but not in the neighborhood that it is in. Houses there are at the most 170,000 in price and in Colorado location is everything. So with a half packed house and I admit a very pissed self I still have not moved. While we waited for this house all the others that may have been a good alternative sold as well. Now we are looking at 350,000 or more for a five bedroom house. Half of them are on small lots or the taxes are so high. More houses sold in Colorado this summer than the last five years. So were is the slow down economy? These homes are being bought by people who fix them up and resale them hopefully for a profit if the area is good that is all they need. In the meantime, my hubby's work is so slow I guess God knew that things were going to be tight and that is why things happened they way they did. I have been looking on my own now since I can again and things are just not what I want. I found one yesterday that would work it is smaller than I would like and it needs two more bedrooms but it has a large yard that could be built on. Now to get hubby to go look.
Suhayl and Aieysha are home study now which if you are not familiar with the concept you teach your children at home. I found an online school but it was too hard with Aieysha's learning disability so I am teaching her myself. Suhayl had one year and he was just so tired of struggling so I am working with him to finish too. Suhayb will finish school in January I hope. That will leave two in school. State laws say the children have to go to school until age 16. Suhayl would do well in College if he can choose the subject of study so I will work on a GED for him. Aieysha will learn basic skills and home skills and I guess she will make a good wife one day but I just don't see her beyond high school. Her disability puts her equal to a third or fourth grade student and that is a struggle for her most days. But we will do what is best for her to make it in life.
I didn't get to Libya this year either as I would have liked. I guess I will hope that next year will be better. I want to take a online course in furniture recovering. You can find nice pieces sometimes that just need a new cover and I would like to do that. I found a class that is 300.00 to study and have all the tools. I will have to see what the next year brings. Things are still tight in the automobile industry. Thankfully my hubby works for Nissan. The US auto industry is in trouble and who knows what will happen to people who work for them.
As for the new President elect Barack Obama, I could not be happier. I was raised in the south and it seems that some people have never came out of slavery mindset. Some days the nasty email I get just makes me wonder how far we have come? I hope for the best and for the status of our economy. Will a man who's father was Muslim help to make the situation for Muslims better? I don't know how many emails I got of stupid people thinking he was a undercover terrorist just waiting to take over the USA. Yeah right.
Well, I guess that is enough for now and I hope to post a bit more often. I'm always on the computer but its either Genealogy or Real Estate now so I don't have much time after I do homeschooling too now. Happy Thanksgiving for those who enjoy the day and for the rest of you a reminder that we are all one people and we all need to help the other to prosper.

How is it already June?

Seems like the year just started last week. I have been busy in so many ways these last few months so its hard to tell where to talk about so rather than go back, I will tell you what has happened lately.

School finally ended for my bunch and Fatimah was the last one to finish. The local school she attends had since it opened its doors been a year-round school. What does that mean? It means that your child starts school in July around the beginning of the month and then until June of the following year, they have a schedule of eight weeks in school and three weeks off. Then in June they are off three weeks and they start the next grade . It is great when all your kids are in school that way but since she is my youngest, she is behind the others by five years. So while she was always in school, the others are now on a traditional school year. Our little neighborhood ebbs and flows with the tide of families that move into the area, it has made the decision to go to calendar year. Being one square mile in circumference it holds a good number of families. Many of which are muslim. Many big families have gone through our school and every year we get. "Is this the last one?" They have a few more years with Fatimah and yes this will be the last one!

After 17 years in the same house, we (I guess I) decided that we needed a larger house to bear the weight of this family of mine. Being a ex-realtor I thought that with the market the way it was finding a home would be a snap. Our city has million dollar houses all the way down to houses I wouldn't let my pets sleep in. So how hard can it be to find a house? First, I have a bit of a criteria to make sure that this is the end of moves for me.

Must have at least 6 bedrooms, a four bath house, laundry upstairs on the main level or sleeping level. Stairsways must have a landing (hubbies knees are getting bad), and a formal space for living room and dining as I will try to attempt to have guests after so many years, and stay in the same school district. Finally, a sizable yard over 9000 sq ft. and be at least 3000 sq ft in size. The hubby set a price limit and so my search began. It has been almost three months now and yes you can find those qualifications but the idea of the kids having to move from their school too was a challenge that hit us first. Aieysha broke down when we suggested that we have to go to other schools. And I got the, "that school is for preppy kids", routine so much. I don't care, maybe some preppy would rub off!
We have the ability now to view most any home available for sale on the computer and I began to research the houses that I wanted to see. I arranged for a old colleague to help me see the houses since I no longer had privilege to go on my own.

Houses were definitely designed with men in mind. Women do not design houses that you must go through a bathroom to a room to seat guest and your laundry closet is not right next to the front door. Kitchens are not supposed to be in full eye view of everyone who enters your home. Bathrooms should not be bigger than the secondary bedrooms and a garage is not the place to store my groceries.

With the loan market having thousands of repossessed homes and more failing each day the market is full of houses. But, finding a home for a large family is harder than you think. The builders when they get more expensive think you don't have big families or all your kids are grown so why do you need large rooms for kids and why shouldn't the master bedroom be half the size of the upper floor. Why should your closet not be as big as most bedrooms and all the rooms on the main floor should all be one large area. I mean come on what was I thinking!

We found a few houses that meet this criteria but they are either over 400,000 dollars or they are beat to heck by age or lack of care.

It is now mid June and if we find a house in time before calender year starts we will be lucky. Then we are stuck with Fatimah going back to year round school but only if we can move in before July. Yeah ya think.

Seems hard to believe that just two short years ago I had just arrived in Libya to meet my inlaws for the first time. Looking back I still wish to visit Libya again. But I will probably have to go by myself. The kids had such a miserable time there that they cringe at the word Libya and hubby has really shown no interest in going anytime soon. So for now I watch all my friends here going back for another visit or for some the first time to begin the cycle of marrying off our kids. I wish them all the best on their travels. For now my home is here.

Voting Year and Our Choices

Who can miss the daily onslaught of our Presidential Canidates and their banter? We live in a country where up until the 1950's Blacks could not vote without fear of harm. Women got the right to vote long before them even. I remember when it first started and Hilary Clinton spoke out against Barack Obama ,of him having been a muslim as a youth. Also that he had attended a "radical" Islamic School as a child. That set me as a sure fact that I would not choose her as my next President. Why? How low do you have to go to bring up such an issue? Let's just add fear mongering to her abilities. As you all know who read my blog, I work on my family genealogy and some days I don't have much to do so I fiddle with various options that my program gives me. One such option is to find records of "famous" people that I am related to. As I have noted some are quite cool and with the name Bush as one of my family lines I also checked out that option. Thankfully, I am not from the same group as far as the USA Bush's are concerned. What may hold from England I am unsure. That far back I am not to concerned. But one came up that surprized me and I am sure if she knew maybe she would look at things differently.

Hilary Rodham Clinton. Yes, the great "well look at you" woman herself is my eighth cousin! That means eight generations back our common ancestor was Elizabeth Ferris (humm Faris-Ferris, could I be related to my hubby too?)through my grandfather we twist and weave through males and females back through time and low and behold. I guess now I can call her up and say "Hi Cousin"! This is your Muslim cousin callin want to take a trip down and visit with ya.

Why did I bring it up? What I have come to find is alot of people are related to each other in many different ways and to publicly denounce someone because of their ethnic or religious background; expecially coming from a public servant, you not only make yourself look bad and ugly but you may hurt someone indirectly. I don't know who I will vote for in the coming elections but I know who I am not voting for. There are hundreds of thousands of American Muslims living in the USA and I wonder how many feel she deserves our vote? If she is telling us not to trust someone who was a muslim as a child what is she telling our muslim children? What about our young muslim men and women who serve in our military? You can go die for this country but I won't trust you. Not very far off from how African Americans were treated just a few hundred years ago. You can die for me but you can't be free or have equal rights as I do. Same for our Japaneese Americans who suffered during WWII. When does such ignorance end?

I read books dealing with the time frames that I am working on so I can put myself into my work properly I just finished Roots by Alex Haley and now am reading Grapes of Wrath. I remember how the Roots story rooted a nation to the TV as a teen and the whole world watched as young Kunta Kinte became a slave. I also watch movies like Mississippi Burns and the fictional Mrs. Jane Pittman and I am reminded that my children have never known any of the things that these movies portrayed. In a grateful way I am thankful. My children sit next to children from all walks and races and have the same opportunities as any other child to succeed in this world and I hope their world will be a better place than what we the Baby Boomers have done.

Are we ready for a Change? Black Man or White Woman, humm. I guess we can always choose Democrat if we feel we are not ready for such a dramatic change. Choose wisely is all I can say. The next generation is depending on it.

New Year, New Mysteries

Hi, here's hoping we all made it to the New Year in safety. As usual we stayed home. For one thing it was cold and snowing and late for us old folks. As usual I had just drifted off and the noise began, I guess I should be happy I don't live closer to Downtown. The neighbors are enough some years. Even though the state banned fireworks that go up it is amazing how many seem to still go off every year. It finally settled down and I dozed off. New Years Day was upon us. Now it's a few weeks into the year, and my does time seem to go faster each year.

Continuing my work on genealogy and I now have over 13,000 names in my database. I finally found my adopted fathers line and added them to my files. The Jacobson-Welker lines came from Ohio and Holland. They were among the first Mormon Pioneers to help settle the Western states. I had grown up hearing the stories of wagon trails and burying babies along the way. As I put the names in I found hints to books written by others on my "famous"family line. There are cites in Utah and Idaho and other Western states who owe their existence to these people. Imagine in our day of getting on an airplane and going across the world in a matter of hours, how it was to travel across the plains, prairies and mountains to start a new life. Climate, native Indian tribes, animals and distance must have tried even the best of souls. But they came to spread humankind and faith to the wide expanse.

Most people know that the Mormons were a religious faith, many people compare to Islam. They do have their similarities, such as plural marriages. It was a practice in the faith to marry more than one woman until Utah wanted to become a state of the Union. For whatever reasons, the Mormon faith backed down on this practice and all marriages that were multiple were allowed to remain but no more plural marriages were allowed. I expected to find quite a few such marriages but as of yet I have only found 1. A young couple received a letter from the niece of the wife saying that her husband had died. I guess she needed a place to stay and became the second wife of her mothers sister. A lot could be said about this and it is till today discussed. Not to long ago on a local cable channel they brought on a show about a polygamist family. My Two Wives, didn't last very long. Funny, Americans can marry and cheat on their wives and be content but marry the other woman instead and all HELL breaks loose. I recently discussed Islam's ideal of plural marriage with a friend and I could tell it didn't hold much with her either. Oh well to each his own is my motto. Yesterday I came across another item of interest that has always brought a flurry of pro and cons on the religion forums of Myspace. Young wives and OLD men.

Islam's revered Prophet Mohammed married a young Aieysha. There is much dispute as to her actual age at Marriage and more as to when she consummated the marriage. How many people got irate when they took the idea of a girl of nine being married. We discuss that other cultures married women at young ages as well but I guess we have to be the scapegoats. We look to puberty as a sign of maturity in the oldest of cultures so if a girl reached puberty at nine who could say she was not mature? Young men are known to mature at various ages but we all know that they mature at a much later stage. (Like 56) A girl was a woman when she hit puberty plain and simple. Now we zoom to today and with science we know that yes a girl may be pubescent but still not capable of having a healthy pregnancy at such a young age. I am sure many young brides died in childbirth due to this. None the less I look at my ancestors and see women having children from age 11 til well into their 50's and surviving after having literally one child a year for each year of marriage. And this covers all faiths and cultures. Now as to men. Men mature usually around 14 and can by today's standards keep having children for many years. Not like they do much past the night! Any way I have seen many a family man stay virile well into his 50's. But yesterday I had to make a phone call-I found one entry that blew my socks off. I was working out of a book that had been compiled on the people of a county in Georgia were most of my mother's lines settled. I won't name the book or the county in respect of the families. I was putting in the marriage info for a couple and was trying to locate more info on the parents of a young woman. I found a census where mom was living with her in her 60's so I figured dad had to be somewhere close. I started looking for other census records from an earlier time. I didn't see dad anywhere. I happened to open the mother's file and a hint appeared (that is a clue provided by the program that there may be a bit of information I need available) so I clicked on the census for the mother. It was a 1880 census record. She was 24. Oh so this must be the file I need to find her husbands first name out. I knew the last name so I began to look over the photocopy of the original census record. Many familiar surnames were there but finally I saw her name. I looked there was the wife and daughter was age 1 so yes this had to be them. Then I saw the husband- but no this could not be correct! This man was 72!!!!!! Ok, maybe its his father ...but no the family was just these three people..line says married not widowed...ok and they had a one year old child.

I got on the phone and exclaimed how could they do that!!!How does a 24 year old woman get stuck with a crotchety old man and have a child none the less???? We began to discuss the times late 1700's and maybe she was orphaned, poor and her family married her off to better her status any number of reasons could be surmised, but in the end was this no different than any other country that Americans constantly badger as being disgusting? I was reminded of a recent TV personality that made waves when she married a much older man- Anna Nicole Smith of porno fame married a man well beyond her years and we all knew it was for his money. I joked that at least this ancestor made a effort of once and got a child but in this day and age we are aghast when we hear of such behavior. All the more I see things that in one country it is appalling while if we all looked into our own pasts we would find such behaviors. In many ways we have not changed. The Romans, Egyptians, Grecians and many more married sisters to brothers to maintain pure bloodlines of Royals so how is it that when a lady announced the other day that her great grandparents had been brother and sister a collective shiver went up and down the forum? Speaking of Royals, my adopted fathers mother, is descended from the same woman who's line is the Royal family of England! You think if I asked to see the Queen I would be allowed, I mean we are related! And I also came across a connection to my mothers family line. I had a hint that my mothers line was related to the famous "Shirley Temple" or Shirley Temple Black as she is known today and I traced my lines to her female side of the family lines. I was working on my adopted grandmothers line and found also the same hint. I had also found that she had descended from people who lived in Georgia so I got digging. Her line came down the fathers line at the very same point! Momma your related to dad! But I think were safe.

Wow the End is Near

It's hard to believe but the year will soon be over. So what has the last year been like? Mostly I stay at home working on the computer to keep my sanity. Doing my genealogy is great at distracting me from a otherwise dull existence. We finally got another car-yeah a car not a suv or a truck as I had wished for but a Ford Taurus that thankfully will seat 6 people. But for me that didn't change much. I'm still at home as the son needs the car for school and when he is home its time to cook dinner. If I am really in the mood I will go out on Sunday with the hubby to do any shopping that requires my attention. I gave up on grocery shopping its a run in and out and "what do we need that for" experience and even when I do need something I have to have a good reason for it.

I'm thinking about going back to school next year for study in Medical Assisting. I found a program for 350 for 11 weeks evening classes twice a week. I want it more for me and my knowledge than to actually get a job. I have to wait and see if our elementary school is going calendar next year or not.

The kids are working on their braces. Khadijah maybe has a year left and Aieysha has just started by getting the metal bands that will hold her rubber bands. I need to find a way to pay for 11 teeth to be pulled between her and Suhayb and at a cost of 3600 I don't know how. That is a salary for a month lately.

We lost our health insurance this month too. Tell me how a company looks at one month to decide if you qualify as poor? Most months this year Hubby has made around 3-4000 if we are lucky. With the car accident we are now faced with a larger car payment and lost money having to pay off what we owed on the Subaru. He found a good deal but now our payments are double what we were making and with two accidents our rates have gone up too. Any way I reapplied for medical assistance and they sent me all this stuff that I had to do to prove identities and income and such. Also now that the oldest is 18, we could loose coverage for him. They were upset that he was not graduating this year, well I am too but why deny a child medical because of that? He is back on Honor Roll and he will finish the first quarter of next year. Seeing that our paycheck was not enough to cover the new expenses Hubby asked for his vacation pay and that put us over the limit for a family of seven. So they denied us and now I got to hustle to reapply before Fatimah needs medicines again. One month is only 800 we can afford that, right.....

We were invited to a wedding for a young man at Hubby's work last month and he actually asked me if I wanted to go. Hey its a night out even if its all the family. I warned them ahead of time if they didn't want to go they could stay home, I didn't want to hear it that they were bored or tired. Hubby was working but said he would take off in time(yeah right) to attend the wedding party. Well the girls and I started early as I had been over a year since we had worn a dress and pulled out all the dresses from my closet that I had left. Khadijah was easy she had bought a dress in Libya that still fit but she wanted ringlets in her hair. Aieysha was harder, she had lost some weight but not enough to fit in any of the nice dresses I had. I have some that I wore like 10 years ago still in my closet and thankfully one fit her. We even curled her hair a bit and added a clip. I finally found one I could fit in and that wasn't to unbecoming of a older lady and put my hair up in a bun. We were set. Suhayl wore a suit and Suhayb and Fatimah wanted to stay home. At the last minute Fatimah wanted to go so I had to scramble to find her an outfit. We put on our abayahs and headed out the door. We arrived at the Hotel and were sadden to find that it was going to be a mixed party. If I had known that I would have stayed home or at least dressed in Jeans under my Abayah. Khadijah was almost in tears so I finally let her take her Abayah off. We were the first to arrive and sat alone for a bit at one of the tables off to the side of the room. All evening was "were is Taher"? Working! I finally reached him and he was on his way. You mean you didn't change your mind and just want to go home.. He arrived and on seeing the set up he wanted to leave. Oh NO, you are sitting here for a bit this is your friend not mine, I don't know most of these people. They served dinner finally and I had a plate of bloody roast beef sat before me. NO way take it back and when it stops mooing bring it back. They did but it was still mooing! Ok so now I'm hungry and bored. The music was too loud and in a mixed group no way was I going to have the opportunity to dance so we just sat there. Fatimah was for once my break. She was getting tired and we were all hungry still so I told him I was leaving and taking the kids home to tell his friend thanks for the invite and he could stay for a bit. He didn't want to but he had just arrived and his friends had been asking for him all night.

He came home later saying that the couple was mad we didn't stay and dance. Sorry I don't do mixed unless they are family. There was not one person there I was related to except for my kids. Funny and when Hubby went to say hello to the couple she said she doesn't shake hands with men, but you dance in front of them? I do have to admit her gown was nice it was very islamic but still a wedding gown. I told Taher that it will not be too long and this will be us preparing for the weddings of our kids. We talk about the choices of wives or husbands available here. He wants a Libyan for his kids. Oh yeah a kid who has been raised in the USA all their life goes to Libya to take a spouse. I would like it too but lets be realistic.

The girls have another concert this week for Band and I hope to remember to take the camera. Other than that my life is the same. Eid is coming and I don't remember when was the last time he actually went and killed a lamb for Eid. The boys last went when Suhayl was 5 I think. Let's keep those traditions strong now! Last year we couldn't afford one so we didn't get a lamb. We got a half of a cow earlier this year and as usual it was chopped to pieces and bones everywhere. Nothing recognizable to call a steak or such. So it was bagged and he and the kids eat it mostly as I have had too much trouble with my teeth this year. I got three yanked out a few days before Thanksgiving. I am finally seeing a dentist but with the other kids and our bills lately I can't do too much at any given time. I'll keep with chicken and fish.

Well I guess I have caught you up with my year. I always hope that the next year is better but I don't know I guess I just give up sometimes. Thank God for my computer and genealogy work. Pouring over census records from the 1700's keeps me sane. And I have now found a bunch more relations that we didn't know we had. No close ones yet but hopefully I will find some soon. Trying to prove someone existed is a bit harder than you think. I was thinking this week, census is done every ten years. Yet, since I have been married I have not been a part of one. Glad my stuff is online now as there would be a difficult time proving we existed! I'm still having trouble proving that my parents existed. But when the 1940 census records are out hopefully they will be there. See you all next year if I don't stop in before that. The photos I added are the kids the day of the wedding and a photo of my grandparents when they were young. Grandma was such a beautiful woman.