Time Heals

They say when a tragedy befalls you, "time will heal all wounds", but does it? My second son his first Eid here was sliced open at the elbow, nice deep cut to the bone..yeah it healed. My daughter Aieysha had her index finger nearly amputated at 2 yrs old, yeah it healed..but look at the wounds..nice scars. What are scars? It where the skins sends extra cells to knit together a spot torn by injury or in some cases surgeries. For a time they hurt, itch, drive you nuts, but if you had a good doctor with suture technique well there isnt much of a scar...but what about those big scars? You know like the one you get from trashing yourself playing sports, or cutting yourself with knife or some mishap. Those can be ugly and even though they heal, folks are always saying, dude what happened there? Gross looking scar..." Or as any woman can attest to those baby scars..stretch marks riddle your once beautiful body over your chest, belly, legs..or c-section scars, how many carry that battle scar?
Anyway those aren't the scars I'm going to talk about tonight...how many years since I've blogged? 2015? I was just finding out I was going to be grandma again..wow..I've been away too long.
I could go on a long catch you up but no tonight I want to talk about scars..
Tomorrow. Well if you dont know what tomorrow is to me, you dont know me. You haven't been part of me, you're a newcomer..tomorrow would have been the 30th birthday of my first son. Now before you think my other 6 kids dont mean much, your wrong..but the first child..the first boy, first girl those stick..like the last one..why because there will never be another first born and your last isnt always planned but when they are the last they're special. All my children are special.
Just two days ago here in my new home, Libya, a house was hit 3 children died, three little girls. Their mother and another girl were seriously injured, the father was left devastated..
Death..death is a scar. It isnt beautiful it's one of those ugly ones that everyone sees and is either dude what happened or turn your eyes because you cant bear to look them in the face..
Death came knocking 6 yrs ago and tore a huge hole in my world..death left a scar that no amount of makeup can hide..its ugly..its healed not in smooth sutured lines of a crafted tailors stitch but a haphazard ragged rush job pulled together with a dirty, rusted needle that caught and pulled and tore the skin..it pulled it together in a mass of tissue that heaved up and reddened and left a mark..
Every year I hope this time around it will be easier..I put on concealer and powder my face and add blush but after a short while, it begins to flake off and the scar is there staring at me in a looking glass or a glance in a car mirror.
So what can I do?
For years I visited my sons grave every month, but moving 35 minutes out into farming area well going into town nowadays we plan..hey I'm going to the cemetery, want to come?
No...
Scar one..
His grave looks like hell, why do I want to see that?
Scar two...
It's been 6 yrs, get over it will you.
Scar three...
Unanswered questions
Scar four...
Special days he's not here for
Scar five..
My family is still torn apart
Uncounted scars...
So tomorrow I'm going alone, I might sit few minutes or hour I dont know. Its fall and might not be too hot..
Scars...when does time heal?
I will try to come back but if you missed me I'm on Twitter daily..@oldmommatajuri
I'm typing on my cellphone so I cant even see full screen..
But I've been thinking about my blog lately..its an old friend.