Be Swayah and InShallah Or "Step by Step and If God Allows"

Seems as if I can't sleep and I find I'm able to access my blog account for once so let me get it off my chest so I can sleep. Seems as if the terms step by step and If God Allows have become the two most common words around here. Step by step my kids are learning how to speak Arabic and If God Allows you will remember the offer or promise you made to my family. Now let me rant a bit....

First, I'm beginning to realize after all this time that my husband never thought he would come back to his country so that's maybe why he felt there was no need to teach his kids his language let alone anything about his native land. Second, we have always tried to teach our kids when you promise someone something you do your best to keep that promise and if you can't for some reason let them know why. Seems simple enough.

We have been in Libya now since September and Taher went back to the states to wrap up our life there and yes I had hoped he would be back by March but teasing us saying he left us here and found a new wife or to keep asking when he is coming back EVERY time you see us can get painful. Second, we don't know the language so how about offer to take us shopping and let us actually shop for the things we said we needed not "Hey I guess we just came along to follow you around while U do your shopping". Months later I have gotten use to a calculator as a tool of language and I am blessed that Libyans in general are honest people and if I have handed you too much money you are kind enough to say this is too much we needed this much. See I will remember it like the guy today who I know darn well I gave him a dinar for the potatoes yet when I took my potatoes and turned away you insisted that I hadn't paid you yet. That guy isn't getting return business. Plenty enough vendors on the line and yes I remember now how much they should cost so I can haggle the price if I'm so inclined next time. Next I'm a very prompt person and yes I can be patient a bit but if I say I wanted to go at a certain time then 4 hours later is not an option...get it.

Next, as a Foreign wife, being separated from your spouse is hard enough for most people but to have people tease you is insensitive....it may not hurt me personally but my child standing there is another story especially cause they miss their father too.
Then now lets move on to getting us comfortable in our new surroundings. We came with pretty much a suitcase each leaving behind all our other possessions until they can be shipped so let me see what would YOU pack? Surely not a gown for parties, shoes that you wear less than once a year, clothes for more than a week, things that provide a bit of comfort from home, like maybe a game or that favorite toy that was left on the bed cause they didn't really think dad was going to stay there was he? So going to a Wedding or a Baby Shower or just about any social gathering can be a bit difficult and lets see it was summer when we came so now its cold and no we don't have warmer clothes with us...and my kids are not your size nor is that outfit anything they could wear cause your all pencils here and my kids well are built different. Next, IF you are going to invite us to something would it not be nice to actually tell us what day its on and dear GOD what should be the proper attire to wear to this function see we have never been to a LIBYAN one before to know. Secondly, how about sit near us or ask someone to sit near us and fill us in on the customs we see before us or maybe offer to take the kids around to meet your friends so they can you know MEET SOME PEOPLE!! I mean they did leave their world to come here and all their friends and now instead of going out and meeting people they sit in a house all day or you promised them to take them to so and so well over a month ago and yet you still haven't found time to fulfill that promise.
Now put yourself in our position, if you came to our country let me see we have middle eastern markets, restaurants and large communities of other expats that many of us go out of our way to introduce you to and make you feel welcome and at home. I should also remember after the umpteenth time that we know you didn't bring much with you so let me take you shopping so I can help you to assimilate yourself into my world.  Then, hey I'm really busy but I can ask so and so to sit near you and fill you in on our social customs of why we do this here.

Honestly, I do love it here. I am determined to make my life here and yes I don't expect to find everything from my native land in yours but if I really wish I had something and you know where it can be bought how about take me there or stop by and get it and I am more than happy to pay you back or thank you generously. Growing up in a military family I remember momma going to the new neighbors to "get a cup of sugar" see that is how you introduce yourself to others and most military wives have a bit of a club where when they have a new family in town they get together a basket of stuff and walk over an say hi and offer to take them around base or town to show them where you can get this and that. You bring your kids by and they take them out and introduce them to their friends so hey your kids can make some new friends cause their whole life has just been uprooted and they are heartbroken having to say goodbye again....seems its not like that here.

I promise ladies those of you who know me you come to Libya contact me and I will be happy to take you around and show you where you can find your basics then we plan a social visit where I can bring by a few friends and we can chat for a bit.

Now I'm beginning to feel a bit better putting my feelings on to paper as the saying goes or airing my dirty laundry some might say...oh well take it as you like.
Tonight was the third night of a wedding for a family member. After months of waiting for my car it finally arrived and we washed it and were excited to finally have our own transportation to go somewhere and not have to rely on waiting for someone and being split up into a dozen cars to go somewhere where one of us has been there for hours while the other sat waiting for so and so to get ready..
My son said mom I want to go help set up something for a family member so I need you to be ready to go by this time and I was. I had done my hair and all I needed was some lipstick and I was waiting to get there to put it on since I was covering and didn't want to wipe it off on the scarf I was wearing. And by the way I am not use to wearing a face veil and its hot and I can hardly breathe and see and I am walking in heels that I haven't worn before cause they aren't mine to begin with.  I get to your home to find out hey no one is there. I call other family and NOT ONE BLAME PERSON could tell me it was not going to be there tonight we move to a bigger place, so I go back home to wait for someone else to be ready who is still in their house dresses and not expected to go for another hour or so anyways...so I got livid actually and pulled out my hair that my daughter had worked so hard on to make her old mother look nice and put on my pajamas and crawled into bed. Oh and by the way my two kids are not coming tonight cause they sat in a corner being ignored last night cause "they are American and they don't speak Arabic . And now you know they really feel like attending more wonderful parties in the future and have become more social inverts being pointed at and talked about all evening the last time.  Oh and when it comes to FAMILY I expect you to invite everyone unless its a female only or male only event, cause you know my sons would like to get to know customs here too cause you know one day they will probably choose a LIBYAN wife and they need to start now learning all the stuff they are going to have to go through. And my daughters have pretty much sworn there is no way they are doing that at their wedding!!
So instead of a lovely evening of which no one took out anything to cook cause we all planned to be out and its late so lets walk over to the local sandwich shop for a quick bite to eat.

Now for the "If GOD ALLOWS"....I have always tried to keep a promise to my kids and I have told people if you promise my kids something do it.  I can understand a change in plans but four months down the line and you still haven't met your promise well they give up on you and it makes a rift in our relationship cause I have to tell my kids not everyone keeps promises. Well we finally got our car but that is another rant maybe I will post in the morning cause it's like 3am and I just might finally feel like I can sleep now. So to all of you ladies out there, yes its worth it and more than likely his family is going to do the same to you so do what you can to plan ahead if your not coming anytime soon. Its small hurdles we have to cross over no one in life said it was going to be easy but we are making it and eventually we will have all our stuff from home here and wish for years that we could find that one thing we desire most from back home here that you just don't have or it just doesn't taste like ours does...Be kind to each other folks. Now I will post this on my Facebook account so everyone there can find out what I have been up too. Oh and by the way internet here SUCKS. And more than likely I will not have it again in a few days, week or even a hour from now cause someone was so desperate to have someone from home to talk to that they used up all our minutes...Life goes on.