Thursday, June 25, 2015

Closing Doors

There is a proverb that says that if one door closes God opens another door. Well today I have made one step more towards closing a door. I have sent a message to my husband asking for a divorce. Why now? If you ask that question you haven't read my blog or know me very well. I made up my mind after many nights in prayers and asked Allah if I was making this decision lightly to provide me with guidance. I know in any faith to divorce is a biggie in the eyes of God but I know he knows what is in my heart and I did this during Ramadan so I know that Shaytan would not be figured in as a reason.
So where do I go from here? No where. I'm staying here with my daughter and my new son in law. Oh I guess many might not know what has transpired over the last year since I haven't had internet very much and when I do get out I can't remember a password or can't log on to one account or another. I finally got this one working. Well, Aieysha has been pretty lonely since her brother died and her other brother left and returned to the USA. Yes, Khadijah and Suhayl returned last year and sadly I haven't heard a peep from them since. But anyways since she was next in line to move forward in her life she chose marriage.

She had free choice in her decision and I only asked him a few questions and let her be the one to decide with who she would spend her life with. I had planned that each of my daughters marry Libyans but well when you are told that, "A good Libyan man will never marry a girl who loves dogs", well she made her choice and he's not Libyan. He is a good man and guess what he loves animals as much as she does. So she is happy.

I was working for a bit but honestly when you want to pay me half and I spend more hours at work than at home and I have no time for my responsibilities of my family well I don't need work that much. But now the problem I face is that I will have to work and I will have to make some tough decisions.

I only was left with Fatimah and when I told her my decision well she started crying. But it wasn't that her parents were getting divorced but how could she get back to the USA now and how soon. Yeah....

I sent him a message via my daughters skype account since most days calls are difficult and very expensive to call the USA so this was the best way to get the message through.

What am I going to do now? Don't know for sure i'm still waiting to see which door Allah opens for me.  For now its Ramadan and I am keeping my promise of reading the Quran each day and praying that I find guidance along the way. I have a few students that I tutor privately and I will try to keep that always as an option. Well as long as I can get to a cafe and I have a few dinars I will try to bring you slowly up to date with my life. It has been a Trip of a Lifetime and I will continue my journey alone now.


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