Weddings and Funerals

As I mentioned in a earlier post there was a funeral while I was in Libya. Well we got the privilege of having two deaths in the family and we went to a second a few days later. This time it was a family member from the other side of Tajura. Not that it was that far mind you but more the bunch that keeps a distance. I still don't know who he was but a male member died within a week of losing beloved Hadi. I went to that one too but it was more demure in atmosphere. The family was reeling with the loss of one and now another in such a short time. That night my father in law became ill. I went down to spend some time with my mother in law always trying to get along and she mentioned that my father in law was shaking. Ok, maybe he is cold. I went in to check on him in a small room off the main guest area. He was resting but with a rapid breath. I felt his forehead and he felt a bit warm but no alarm to me. And I do know quite a bit about fevers.

I tried to speak to him but he did not respond and I thought oh he is just still mad with me. So I left the room. A short time later my son went in to see him and said he was shaking. I went back into the room and found he would not responded to anyone. I asked my son to go get my brother in law Otthman. When he arrived with Khadijah they tried to talk to dad but he still did not respond. So we ordered the boys to go get the car. I was thinking he may be in a state of shock. They took him to the car and left for the local medical facility. A short time later they called and said they were taking him to another hospital. But we were given no more word on what was wrong. After about an hour my son returned and was in tears. He was begging that nothing happen to his grandfather. I told him all things depend on Allah and if he lived it was by his will. About 3 hours later he returned. They said he had febrile seizures and was malnourished. So they had prescribed some medication for fever and a vitamin C tablet. Well at least he was home. The next day I went in to visit with him and he informed me that my son Suhayb would be the one to come back to Libya and he knew because he had cried for his grandfather. I wanted to tell him how much my son hated it there but I didn't. I guess only time will tell.

Well the few weeks later I was finally getting the chance to attend a wedding. A relatives daughter was marrying. I entered the house by chance as I was walking my brother in laws mother home. They invited me in and we went out to the family courtyard. They had covered the area with tents and were setting up cushions. They asked me to stay and soon guests I later found were beginning to arrive. I was aghast. I was in a plain house dress. If you are there you will know which ones I am talking about they are for sale along the main street for 3-6 dinar and they are comfy but not anything you would want to attend a wedding party in. As the night progressed they began to play music and the ladies danced. They asked me to join in. Oh what the heck. So I got up and did my best to copy their moves. Later two of my nieces dressed up with another relative and played the part of the man and two women. We laughed our hearts out watching them parody old women and men. I told my sister in law Kahdijah I felt out of place not properly dressed. She informed me that this was the first night and that the next day I could dress up and don't worry. Well the next day arrived. And I dressed for the evening in a skirt that I had bought and a blouse. Still not what I wanted to do but it was all I had. I went to the house with the girls and the family was scolding my in laws as to why I had no henna done yet. Well it was always the excuse that my sister in law Foozia would do it when she came. Yet every time she came we never did it. So the ladies proceeded to do a henna job for me. I will explain that chore in another story. So that evening went pretty well. The next day was the last day of the wedding. The one where they bring in all the decorations and the bride is dressed so nice. Funny it was like she was never there until I realized who it was that was getting married. She had pretty much sat and watched everyone. That evening I was told that I was to dress nice for the next evening. I informed my sister in law Aieysha that I had no nicer clothing and that I did not know what I would do. She told me to come to her house the next day and she would lend me some clothing. Well the next day I hurried through my chores and readied me and the girls and prepared to leave the house. Downstairs my father in law sat outside talking with my mother in law. He asked where I was going. I told him I was going to Salim's house to dress for the wedding this evening. He told me that if I was to go to their house I was to be taken by car or not at all. I told him Salim did not have a big enough car to take us so we could just walk it was a few minutes walk from the house. He ordered me back into the house. I was furious. I stormed back upstairs and threw my things on the bed. Why was he being so mean. I explained to him how I didn't have the proper clothing to go to the wedding. So I sent word with my daughter Khadijah to tell everyone I was not coming. I listened that night as music played and laughter rang out. And cried. The next morning I left the house for good. I took what I could carry and walked out when my father in law had left for salat. I went to Salim's home and cried. They said I could stay with them as long as I liked. So I did. That was the first time since I had arrived where I truly felt welcome. Two weeks before I left was the last chance I had to attend a family wedding. They had sent a message with my son and again I was angry as they knew I didn't even have my clothing let alone a dress. I had not gone to the house since that day and all of my belongings were still at the house. We had made a few attempts at retrieving clothing and each time landed me in another battle. So I had given up on getting more clothes. About time for the wedding to start my mother in law called my cell phone. I explained that I was not coming as I had nothing to wear but jeans and a t shirt. Sorry. After a bit of harsh words with my brother in law I told them it was their fault that I had nothing to wear and no time to prepare to go and with no car how was I to get to the wedding as it is on the other side of the main road after the Baladia (a government building). Well they could send the cab. No, I was not going I had nothing to wear and was not going to disgrace myself again. Just a half an hour later my whole evening changed anyways and I was so glad I was there. A young relative was sitting on a ottoman and his brother pushed him off onto the floor. He got up grabbing his arm and ran crying from the room. I heard his wails from the other room and went to see why he was being such a baby for a 9 year old. I went up to him and asked to see his arm. It flopped like a wet noodle. Oh my god it was broken and both bones too. I quickly held it flat with my arm and told my son to grab the loose board from the kitchen doorway and asked my daughter to go and grab her elastic bandages. I asked for a scarf and made a quick sling. The men had just left for prayer and we were desperate to find a driver. A family member arrived and we hurried him to Tripoli to the main hospital. It was cast and later in the week he went to another hospital where it was reset and another cast was placed on. Well so much for celebrations!