What do you do when it seems no one but you wants to do something? I want to return to live in Libya but my children have various levels of refusal. I can only attribute it to our previous visit and how many things could have been different. I try to tell them how we can prepare better so we don't have as many problems as we did when we were there before, but I still am met with refusals.
My family was military and we moved so much in my life that I thought moving was normal. So after I married Taher I moved only six more times. We finally got a home when I was pregnant with Suhayl as no place in town had three to four rooms for rentals. As a result all the kids have grown up in one home, never knowing the heartache of having to say goodbye to friends and places you love. I try to tell them that life can be what we make of it, and that moving can be an adventure as well as hard to do. Yes, saying goodbye to people you have known all your life and a home that has so many memories is not easy. I remember days where I would have never sold my house now I would sell it in a heartbeat if the market was better.
I have even offered to allow the kids to decorate the rooms as they would like. My girls have a yellow room a nice sunny yellow with a white picket fence that surrounds the room, a bench with potted vines graces it sides. One one wall I have a vine arbor that waits for you to enter. Behind the picket is flowers like an English garden and golden bees flit around the flowers. Its one of my better achievements. The room took five days to paint and I had to stop on the final wall as my hubby wanted to get the beds back in the room. That was OK because on that wall I put my daughters bed and covered it with a iron arbor and use tulle and silk flowers to make a spring garden over her bed. I love the room.
So in Libya, Khadijah wants to finish that theme with a seasonal cover for her bed and decorations to match. Can I find decorations in Libya or will I need to bring some things with me? Aieysha wants a music inspired room with a scroll of notes of her favorite song along the wall. Maybe a few bars as I will begin to see notes in my dreams after that! I want to make a stage area for her drum set where she can practice her drums and I want to grace the room with instruments from all over the world. I have a bunch that I got at World Imports here. Suhayb finally asked if he could have a Hockey inspired room. Sure I had seen one done on Extreme Home Makeovers that I thought was real cute for a small boy I would just need to adapt it for a bigger guy.
Regardless of these ideas, the kids still do not want to move to Libya. So what is a parent to do. I tell them so what there is many times I didn't want to move in my life but life isn't always what we want. What about their father, he needs to come back and take care of his parents and as he even says "what goes around comes around", so he needs to do his share.
So as I sit depressed so many days this month, I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Should I force the kids to do as we wish? They are citizens of both countries and can always return to the USA when they are older. Sometimes I hate being in the US so much but that is me. Maybe if I could get him to move to a farm out in the middle of nowhere I would feel better. Since I never see anyone anyways what would be different! I don't know I guess I will have to continue to work this out. Lets see what next summer brings for now and then go from there. Ladies or Gents any suggestions on what you would do?
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7 comments:
Don't come without everyone's agreement... and certainly don't come without your husband again.
just my two cents...
As I remember it , you and your kids were miserable in Libya , why would you want to move there ?What makes you think that all the troubles you have here won't follow you there ?Running away solves nothing !If the kids and your husband both refuse to move maybe you should rethink the whole reason you want to move there .Is it reality based ?Is it pratical , what you want versus what they want ? Seems as if this is just wishful thinking on your part . If you ignor thier feelings , I can asure you will pay a very high price for forcing your dream on them .Sorry to bring you down to Earth .
No suggestions sorry it's just a hard dissision but I would want everybody to want to go if we were going good luck
My husband says he wants to go thats part of it but he seems to drag his tail in doing so. I want to go where there is family, things weren't so great the first time but I also know that it isnt something that cannot be overcome. So if me and him want to come as he says, then how should I deal with the kids. They are growing and we are getting older, we need to also think about where we want to be as we retire. I dont see SS helping and with a husband that has previous disabilities I worry every winter that he can fall again and then I would be struggling alone to take care of the kids. I would also like the kids to know what it is to have family so that maybe they will grow up caring more for each other. And im not running from anything but loneliness. Since I have been back I have been out once to visit someone. The remainder of the time is with him shopping which is always a chore or walking the store with no money in my pocket.
I read some of your posts about your visit to Libya a while back. I was surprised to read that you want to go back. Don't go if the kids don't want to. What's to become of them there? How would they continue their interests like drumming and hockey? And yes, family problems can be overcome, but they do not disappear. You will just have to accept them and live unhappily swallowing whatever comes your way day-in and day-out. Think it out real careful before you decide. Good luck!
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