Sunday, August 21, 2011

Libya is Free

As I typed these words i had to pause for a moment. It seemed odd to even type it and know that it is really happening. Im full of thoughts and emotions and sometimes that is the best time to write down what you are feeling so forgive me from now if i ramble on. I'm sitting at my computer, the place I spend most of my time for those who know me.

For the last 6 months I have spent hours on end with multiple screens open with lots of tabs watching links and tweets and chatrooms and videos and news reports on Libya. In February, the fall of Egypt caught my attention and then days later the rise of conflicts in Libya. I made my way around the internet world and found a chat room. If I dont write it now years from now no one will believe me so I post it now so if someone who was there now they can vouch later on but really its only me and my family who will care in the end. The livestream page of Mohammed Nabbous Libya AlHurraTV. 6 month later i'm looking at what has happened with a bit of sadness and mix of feelings. Only a few people know who I am and even fewer know what part I played in that mans short life. I'm not a friend by any standard but I can say I knew him briefly. One day I can show my greatgrandkids and grandchildren look here see that name on the screen that was me. "Yeah grandma right!" It will be up to my children to say yes that was your grandmother. History is being made now as I type this funny the guy on AJE just said that. What lies ahead for Libya? Today I am full of hopes for it while I listen to analyst tear apart our victory and debate over the rebels who fought it and the NTC who shall lead us into the future of my children's lives.

For the past 25 years, I promised my husband that one day we will go home, he will go home. 35 yrs I honestly don't think he thought that it would ever happen and now it has and his behavior is odd to me. No glee, no happiness, no emotions in fact he is sitting watching tv like nothing has changed in our lives. After nearly three years of not speaking, today we took the risk and called his oldest brother. We had news from the morning that Tajura his hometown was freed and by end of month at latest we hope that Tripoli would be free. It happened in a day. Im looking as I type this to the split screen of faces smiling and laughing with glee of people in Martyr square. 8 km away his family is sleeping or now rising to pray and eat before sunrise. I asked him do you want to call your father and mother? No, he said I don't want to listen to them now.
25 yrs and in the last 6 months i have found out things that most wives would have known long ago. But what all is between him and his father I guess I may never know. Maybe he hoped dad would be passed by now age and health taking him as many have. The war left me wondering daily if family any of them would be alive when this was over. I wanted many times to come and post a note here to share a bit of this before it was lost to memories, but worry that I was linked to a more popular blogger and they could be watching us, and what I might say could harm them there, so I waited. Years from now kids can surf the net and see all that we saw, old news by then long ago memories. For me there are some that will burn in my mind for years. This war can it be the last one? No as I type this Syria and Yemen and Bahrain and many more are waiting for their freedoms too. It now is called the "Arab Spring" some feared would turn to winter. The media of the Internet has forever changed how the world views wars. Video and cell phones made instant the news that in my parents generations it took waiting for some media station doctoring of videos to black out the ugly truths the blood, the gore, sanitize it for the viewers. This in itself has forever changed us. Our kids play video games where they kill and are killed in mocks of battles against demons and long ago warriors. Many freedom fighters as we prefer to call them, said that they learned how to fight playing these games...

What lies ahead? What will we do? Will we go back soon as possible or will we just send money and visit during summers? For now i'm putting these feelings here so one day like with my other posts I can look back and think what was I doing saying that?
The reporter just asked the man what are you thinking? He said for 42 yrs now all I am thinking is now we are many times over the last 6 months have I heard what people will do when Libya is free. How many voices and people I have met over this time, people I have viewed on video or pictures made it to this day? I personally know one who didn't. I sat in that chat room watching the screen as his wife came on and told us he had died. I cried like everyone else. That same day I became a moderator for that chat room courtesy of her. For many reasons I wont discuss as like everything over else time it will not matter later on. But i left the room a few weeks back and left myself with two people watching twitter and images and sharing with a two people over skype. Funny how long from now all these terms will be old? My greatgrandkids will be far beyond this technology by the time many of them will read this blog. To them this will be grandma's online diary. Wish I had kept a better one some days. For now i'm tired. 6 months have worn me out mentally and physically. I think tonight I will sleep like I have not done in all this time. No dreams, no tossing thinking and dreaming of chat talk. No more video images to haunt me in my slumber. How will all this go into the history books my future generations will read? I at least am a footnote in this part of my life. Even if I was to link the video as proof who knows how many years it will stay here. It will be archived somewhere as he is a martyr, Libyans will not forget him soon and just like Omar Muktar; whom I also share a link to (he died on my birthday but not the year). But his words "We win or we die" held so many of these young lives. I will try to come back here soon I almost forgot my passwords and id to access this account. Tomorrow my life goes back to normal a few more days and Libya will all be free. Unless something bad happens in the next few days, weeks, or months we made history. This little note is just my mental reminder to tell the grandkids the story of what grandma once did.

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

VEry nicely written..your children must have been very interested in your contributionns and very proud